(Closed) Would you divorce your DH if…

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you divorce over hoarding?
    Yes : (95 votes)
    34 %
    No : (103 votes)
    37 %
    Undecided : (78 votes)
    28 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    3774 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2004

    No, but my children and I would go live somewhere else.

    Post # 33
    Member
    3623 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    No, because I wouldn’t let it get to that point. I would start throwing things away once I noticed it got to be too much.

    Post # 34
    Member
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @Mrs.KMM:  Me too- I agree with your entire statement.

    I have a family member who does this and I know people who struggle with the “tendencies”.  My issue would be whether the person would get help and was committed to it.  If they continued, over a long period of time, to choose stuff and the feelings of security that stuff gives them over me, our kids, and their safety, I would have to reassess the situation.

    Some of the stories on that show are so so sad.  The people who have lost their kids or there was one man whose wife had a heartattack due to the stress and fell down the stairs… truly awful.

    Post # 35
    Member
    1855 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    If he was unwilling to change, yes. Or if to begin with he was like that one woman on Hoarders who had mummified cats on her floor. I have a breaking point, and mummy-cats DEFINITELY is way over it.

    Post # 36
    Member
    1513 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    i would definitely not live in a house like that, but i would force help on him if wasnt seeking it out himself. i am sure that it would be a really long treatment process but so be it!

    Post # 37
    Member
    574 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    In my mind, extreme hoarding is a mental illness, so I would want him to get help.  If he was unwilling to change, I wouldn’t live with him, but I’m not sure if I would divorce him or not.  It’s not something I could say yes or no to.

    Darling Husband is a bit of a hoarder, although nothing extreme or dirty.  He just likes his stuff and has lots of it.  It’s (mostly) organized, and I have no problem with that.  It did take a lot of convincing for him to FINALLY throw out clothes from middle school though…

    Post # 38
    Member
    1434 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    @HeMadeMeWantTo:  my vote goes to mini-van. Now that i’m pregnant he keeps joking about this and I’m not ammused!

    Being Muslim we only advocate for divorce in the most extreme of circumstances BUT I would absolutely seperate from him. We can be in love and we can be married but I think i’d need a place of my own! …especially if we had kids. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    3374 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    If my husband was one of those hoarders I would have him committed or thrown in jail for fire violations. Normally the spouses on the show refuse to tell authorities.

    I’m so freaking clean that there’s no way a hoarder could have married me. I can’t stand clutter!

    Post # 40
    Member
    777 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    No way! I’d try to get him help and if necessary build a shed in the backyard for him to keep things in or rent storage space or something. If it was absolutely out of control and/or he resisted help, then I’d move out and live as close as possible and hopefully he’d come spend nights with me. But I can’t imagine leaving my husband over something like that. If he behaved in ways that really made me question his character (cheating, abuse, deceit, generally being unkind and unaffectionate) that’d be one thing. But as long as he remains the same generous, loving, wonderful man I fell in love with, I’d do almost anything to make it work.

    Post # 42
    Member
    6 posts
    Newbee

    I would if it was something that couldnt be worked out in therapy. My mother was a hoarder (the unsafe/unsanitary kind) and it led to the dissolution of my parents marriage. 

    Post # 43
    Member
    494 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    My Dad seems to have hoarding tendencies and my MOm has worked a lot with him to get rid of his stuff.  Our house was really bad when I was growing up because he just accumulated shit and would not throw it away, finally she stood up to him and started just tossing stuff.  We had a dumpster in our driveway when I was in middle school, it was huge and it was filled three times before all the clutter was gone. It used to be this huge fight but she started bribing him with homemade donuts and other baked goods like “If you give away 20 shirts I will make you these” and he would happily comply.  Now he just throws his stuff away (or doesn’t buy it in the first place!!) to make her happy.

    That’s what I would do if my husband were a hoarder.  I’d work with him, not just leave his ass. I really don’t think he ever would be because he doesn’t have emotional attachments to inanimate objects.

    Post # 44
    Member
    16 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @Ryansgirl:  are you close to the family members that are hoarders? How do you deal with visitng them, etc?

    Post # 45
    Member
    919 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Yes.  

    I’m bipolar – with added anxiety – and any bad mess really upsets me.  It’s not OCD, I don’t have to make sure everything is turned off or have a repeat tic,  but I don’t like clutter and really cannot stand hoarders.  When Fiance and I were living together, he bought a lot of crap with him, like magazines over a decade old.  I gave him a week to sort out his stuff, and then promptly threw it away.  I told him that I would do it, and so I did.  Over 3 years later, he’s never missed a single thing that I got rid of.

    Some reading the above may be thinking ‘controlling bitch’, but I’m not having my mental (or even physical)  health compromised by anyone else…and I wouldn’t get involved with a serious hoarder for the same reason.   

    Post # 46
    Member
    1073 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I meant to vote “no”, but I accidentally voted “yes”. I would try to get him some help and work it out!

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