(Closed) Would you divulge this secret?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Would you share?

    Yes I would

    No, it's in the past

    I have a secret that only I know

    I have a secret that I have shared with my SO/FI/DH

  • Post # 2
    38 posts

    I don’t think there’s any reason to share that with him unless you really want to, it has nothing to do with him and is a long ago chapter of your life! I think high school stories and before are fair game to keep to ourselves!

    Post # 3
    3823 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

    I wouldn’t share it. Not even because it’s something to be ashamed of but just because it doesn’t add anything to the relationship. It wouldn’t impact it either way. It’s okay to not share absolutely everything. And yes, I have a secret that I’ve no intention of ever sharing because it doesn’t add or subtract from anything.

    Post # 5
    729 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m sorry this is causing you pain. That said, this is pain you should let go of. I know you’re embarrassed but this isn’t some huge shame. We all do stupid things when we’re young. I honestly expected to read that you’d cheated on your Fiance or done something awful, but don’t feel that this is such a huge deal. Tell him if you want to, or don’t, but you can take the weight off of your shoulders.

    Post # 6
    9519 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I think we are all curious in high school and you were anoymous and you didn’t hurt your body. Maybe my world is too liberal but I don’t see this as an issue 

    Post # 9
    76 posts
    Worker bee

    I think all you will achieve is to make him worry.  Plenty of poeple have done worse but I think it wil upset your Fiance for not good reason.  Keep it to yourself.  I told my partner ‘my number’ and it haunted me for 18 months as he couldn’t get over it.  Don’t do it to yourself.

    Post # 10
    10997 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    I can think of no good reason for you to tell your SO about this.  You risk hurting him for no good reason.  

    If you feel the need to process what you did as a teenager & make peace with it, I’d suggest counseling.

    Post # 11
    1019 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I’m probably an over-sharer but I would tell my husband. It fascinates me, the things people do and why, and I love to discuss all the weirdness that we were as kids/teens. 

    Nothing is off the table between husband and I,  but that’s just us. 

    Also you really have nothing to be ashamed of! You were a horny, curious, weird kid –  not by any means a prostitute!!! 

    Post # 12
    715 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I wouldn’t seek out telling him because he ‘should’ know. But if anything similar came up in conversation I’d mention it. Just because I always feel Fiance random stuff from my past.

    Post # 13
    729 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    Anonymous2913:  I’m really glad to hear that! I think you already took a good step towards letting it go: you shared it here, and in return you realized that nobody thinks it’s a big deal or anything like what you feared. I hope that will help you.

    You might also want to think about why it bothered you in the first place. I am not suggesting that any of these reasons apply to you – at all – but some reasons why people might worry about something like this include perfectionism, or a worry that maybe they don’t deserve their current happiness. I think that in the runup to a marriage, it’s easy to focus on flaws (ours, or those in our partners or relationships). In this process, we learn to distinguish significant issues from the realities of life. 

    Do you honestly fear that your partner might judge you, or see you differently, if you tell him? That could be an issue, more than this past experience.

    Post # 15
    729 posts
    Busy bee

    That makes total sense. When my Fiance and I got serious, I had similar thoughts. What helped me let it go was distinguishing between knowing HIM completely and knowing every single one of his actions. I feel that I have a complete picture of his story and the events that shaped him into who he is – but I don’t need to know about every ex-girlfriend, or every mistake. I don’t know if my story will help you, but I’m sharing just in case it does. It’s likely that at some point you and your Fiance will have a conversation about things you did when you were teenagers that you now find embarassing, and this will come up organically.

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