(Closed) Would you divulge this secret?

• Lavender28
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: July 2016

I used to basically do the same thing when I was the same age. I’m grossed out by it, but I’m really not embarrassed. We all did things in our past that might not have been the smartest, and I did dumber things in real life than this stuff online!

I’ve told my fiance, but not like “I have a secret and I’m so ashamed of it. I want you to know all my secrets.” but it somehow came up in conversation one day and I was like “yeah, I used to do this, this, and this. Isn’t that crazy?” We both view it as something an attention hungry teenager did when the internet was still a new thing and we didn’t really understand the implications. 

But I’m willing to bet money that the “youngins” today are doing the same thing or worse with all their Snapchats, etc. Remember when Chat Roulette was a thing? I think lots of us and especially those younger than us have a less than squeaky clean internet past. 

• Lavender28
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: July 2016

Wanted to add: I don’t think you really need to tell him unless it comes up on its own. It’s not a deep dark secret compared to a lot of things. Now, if you still did this kind of thing today, that would be an issue and a secret worth being ashamed of and “confessing.”

• PeachyMama
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: September 2015

Anonymous2913:  I dunno, he might find it funny if you tell him. I did some stupid things in a chat room when I was a teen. They were new and I thought it was fun. Thinking back, wow. Just no. I hope my daughters never do anything like that! One night I told my fiance the story and yeah he thought it was pretty funny. We both have a past and have produced children out of those pasts. We talk about our exes, our could have beens, and how we are happy that we eventually found each other. Our pasts make us who we are and we have decided that without them we wouldn’t be the same people. And maybe our relationship wouldn’t work if we hadn’t had some mistakes. Everything makes you learn and grow. We let the stupid stuff go, we laugh at the dumb things we’ve done, and we have cried together over some stuff. In the end, we are two very independent people who are stronger together. A stupid chat room issue in my past is part of that.

• annon1234
• 7 years ago

I created an annon acount just to reply to this… becuase I did exactly the same thing when I was younger..I was the same, a virgin, had only ever kissed a few guys. I think it started with the curiosity when I discovered mobile chat and it just went from there.

I became ashamed of it, but more was just over it and it didn’t do it for me anymore. I got together with my SO a year or so after I stopped doing it. He eventually wanted to webcam (we were distance), and it was so hard for me even though we had already slept together before then and it never phased me with strangers.

I never told him, but always wanted to, he shared things with me that he was insecure about and so I thought it fair that I would too, since I had no other backround to share.  Also because we did start cyber, and he was surprised that it came so easily, so I thought I owed the explanation.

I eventually told him early this year, 3 years into our relationship. It came up, becuase he often talks hypothetical about having a 3some which is uncomfortable to me, but I had thought in my mind a few times that maybe we could bring a 3rd party in via webcam, like I used to but with both of us. He also says he gets bored watching porn (we sometimes watch together), so had thought this could be another way that he would like. I never wanted to say though, becuase he tends to run with things and actually want to play them out rather than keep them a fantasy, which I am often not comfortable with. Usually it is fine but he goes through phases.

He was intruiged and liked the idea.  He has brought it up a few times and said so when are we going to try it?  So, sometimes I wish I didn’t say anything becuase I am not sure I want to go there again, even though it will be for a different purpose, for both of us, it was over 6 years ago now. 

So, for you, I guess you know your SO and how he might react?  I knew mine would more than likely be fine with it and probably actually like the idea which is both why I didn’t tell him and then eventually why I did.  I don’t feel any better or worse for telling him (except when I am worried that he will bring it up and want to try it).  So, yeah I would base it off how you think he will react and if you think it will change anything for you… It’s not a bad thing to keep to yourself.

• lareolin
• 7 years ago

I vote to let it go.