Would you end a controlling marriage?

posted 1 year ago in Intercultural
Post # 31
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I don’t think you’re selfish. I just think you made a mistake by marrying someone whose beliefs were so different from yours. It doesn’t sound like you two are compatible. 

Post # 32
Member
6098 posts
Bee Keeper

My husband is Muslim. He is nothing like this. Not all Muslim’s are. Not all husbands are. This is not the man for you.

Post # 33
Member
366 posts
Helper bee

It’s not true that OP could have found it out with a simple research. Islam has many faces. I know five Muslim women and they don’t follow the same rules at all, it depends on where they are from. One wears the abaya, others show only face and hands but wear western clothes, others wear t-shirts and dresses. They all have male friends except the most conservative one. Some of them would definitely not be ok with a man “dictating to women what to do”.

Expectations should be disclosed before marriage. Someone who says “convert now and learn the rest later” (and later expecting his wife to adhere to strict rules that he didn’t make clear *before* she converted) doesn’t sound 100% well meaning to me.

 

It’s like converting to Catholicism and marrying a Catholic. If he then expects you to dress a certain way, not mingle with men, obey him as if he were the Lord, not use any contraceptive method and stay silent in church meetings, it’s NOT because he’s Catholic – it’s because he adheres to a very specific, strict and conservative interpretation of Catholicism.

So of course OP shouldn’t have married him before making his expectations clear. And since she’s the one in her situation, my guess is she has already realized it. But saying “what did you expect, it’s Islam” is not right either, there are many interpretations and ways of living as a Muslim. And if someone so conservative didn’t make sure prior to marriage that she agreed with his interpretation – on the contrary, he told her not to think about the rules -… then maybe he already knew she might not like his interpretation of Islam.

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