- 10 years ago
- Wedding: September 2010
VirginiaMarie took the words right out of my mouth.
VirginiaMarie took the words right out of my mouth.
@greenleafmountain: Obviously, in your case, I would never expect a gift. Seriously. I would rather you attend than send a gift. I would just hope that I would receive a nice card because I honestly kept all the nice notes that were written for us, and I cherish them a ton. I think I was more peeved when someone didn’t bring a card! 🙂
It’s all relative, you know? Yeah, I was always raised to bring a gift no matter what, but obviously, if I’m that strapped for cash, and I have to choose between attending a close friend’s wedding and sending a gift, I would choose attending, and would expect my friend to understand. If I had to choose between attending an acquaintance’s wedding, and sending a gift, I’d probably just send a small gift and a nice card.
@Melissabegins – I’m not saying that I’m going to be sitting there waiting to get gifts. I agree – that isn’t right. But I don’t think there is anything wrong with expecting people to give you the courtesy to bring something and be disappointed when they don’t.
I call BS on those that say they have ZERO expectation. Really? Even a card, you have NO expectation? Remember expectation is DIFFERENT than requirement. Expecting a certain gift/card/whatev is a whole different ballgame that having a “cost of admission”.
Unfortunately these polls are never truly accurate. Even in the autonomy of the internet, most answers are skewed based on public perception. Literally everyone is saying they personally would NEVER show up empty-handed, and yet the majority have also experienced the very thing. So where are all these non-giftgivers when it’s time to vote? Perhaps the Bee just isn’t their scene;)
I don’t attend dinner parties without a bottle of wine, a dessert, a plant – SOMETHING; and I absolutely would never go to a wedding emptyhanded. I have never gone to a wedding and given less than $100. I *thought* that was the norm and have since learned it is in fact NOT. Lesson learned: I’ll be scaling back in the future!!
After reading this thread, I’m kind of proud of my position. I can honestly say I don’t give a rats about what people bring me for my wedding – I’m not “BS”ing. I’m not inviting guests for their gifts, and have never felt I was invited to a wedding for a gift – so I never believed gifts were necessary and do not believe they are for my wedding either.
I don’t care if people bring nothing, or a card, or a check. I’m not spending $50,000 because I want a toaster. I’m spending it because I want to be surrounded by the people who love me on the greatest day of my life.
I hope everyone brings me their love and happiness….. I guess I’m a horrible person. 😉
@sahsabahs – I agree 100%
I’m also with VM – I wouldn’t attend if I couldn’t afford to bring a gift. The only exception to that would be if I were a bridesmaid and had spent a ton of money on the couple already.
When I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man last year I spent over $600 to be in my friend’s wedding. I couldn’t afford to spend anymore, and even if I could have, I wouldn’t have because I felt that the expenses I took up just to be there for her were already extreme. I got her a card and that was it.
If I wasn’t in the Bridal Party, I would not consider NOT bringing a gift. Although, I think most of what was debated yesterday was the expectation of the size of the gift. At this point in my life, when all my friends are getting married, and I am in grad school paying back tons of loans, I cannot afford to give every person a $100 gift. I give what I can afford, and I don’t feel guilty if I don’t “save for months” to give a bigger gift.
I’ve declined wedding invites before when I was in college and I couldn’t afford a gift. I wouldn’t ever show up and not bring something, even if it was a $20 gift card to Target or something.
@KMM – you’re entitled to be disappointed if you don’t get presents and cash from every guest. That’s fine. But I agree with sahsabahs – we didn’t spend a year planning a wedding and vacation for our guests because of a toaster, or a check for 100. If i wanted a toaster, I’d go buy one. I’d go buy 400 of them with my wedding budget and call it a day!
@sahsabahs — exactly.
I didn’t invite anyone to my wedding for the purpose of getting gifts. I invited them because I want them to celebrate with me on my wedding day. But that doesn’t change the fact the it is common courtesy to give a gift when you attend a wedding. And I have no shame in having an expectation of common courtesy.
ETA: I’d like to second what grenadine said.
I was Maid/Matron of Honor in a friends wedding 3 years ago. I threw her a shower, bought the dress, stayed in a hotel out of town and probably dropped $1000 bucks on her overall. I didn’t buy her a gift also.
I voted yes because there’ve definitely been times when I almost showed up empty handed. I’m going to plead ignorance and say that it was several years ago, it was the first of the weddings I’d been to on my own (without my parents) and I simply didn’t think about getting a gift–it completely slipped my mind. There was a huge gap between the wedding and the reception so I went with a couple other guests to the mall to get a gift card at least (they picked out one of the last items on the registry). If there hadn’t been a huge gap and my friends hadn’t reminded me, I would have completely forgotten about it. I don’t think I would have sent them something later either cuz it wasn’t something that I was aware could be done.
So…out of ignorance, I would show up empty-handed (or rather almost did) but I don’t think I would on purpose.
I wouldn’t attend a wedding without a gift now, but I can afford to fly, rent a hotel room, rent a car, AND get a gift. Some of my guests can’t, so if I get nothing from them, it won’t bug me at all. People are making a big effort to come to my wedding, it is out of the way.
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