(Closed) Would You Ever Attend a Wedding Empty Handed?

posted 10 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: Would You Ever Attend a Wedding Without Giving the Couple a Gift?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 47
    Member
    546 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Ok i would notice if someone GAVE us a gift but if they didn’t, i don’t even think it would cross my mind. I wouldn’t say “oh they came with no gift and no card!” I’d prob think about the good time i had seeing them at the wedding! I always at least bring a card holding money/gift cards if not an actual gift but i don’t expect everyone to do that. I can think of plenty of people invited, who are student like myself, who i am not expecting to get me a gift. However if they didn’t come because of this I’d be more disappointed by that than not receiving a gift! Them being there and supporting/celebrating with me on my wedding day is already a gift.

    Post # 48
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    Thank you Miss Chapstick.

    I should probably apologize.  I just reread my post and it was really harsh.  I just get so frustrated with these sorts of threads because I get tired of being called rude or people saying that if you can’t bring a gift you weren’t raised right, etc.  I’m sorry I was so harsh in what I wrote.  I just wanted people to understand how frustrating it can be.  I was invited to 4 weddings this summer- the closest being 2 hours away, the furthest being 10.  I really am doing by best to make it to them all and get the couples something, but I know that what they get will not be nearly as much as what I would have liked to give them, or what I would have given if I had only had one local wedding this summer, etc.

    Again, I am sorry for my tone earlier.  I was out of line.

    Post # 49
    Member
    145 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @ Greenleaf – I am in almost the same financial category as you (of course, Fiance and I share money now, so it’s a bit better). However, even though I am “poor”, a person generally gets 1 to 2 months notice or MORE that they are invited to a wedding. DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT IN 2 MONTHS OR MORE, YOU CAN’T SCRAMBLE TOGETHER $ 50-100 (DEPENDING ON WEDDING) TO BUY SOMETHING FORTHE NEW COUPLE TRYING TO START THEIR LIVES TOGETHER???

    Post # 50
    Member
    1051 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    @monitajb – haha!  After much consideration, Fiance & I opted to have our wedding in our hometown rather than NYC where we’ve lived for 8 (me) & 6 (him) yrs SPECIFICALLY to save our guests money.  They now have minimal travel cost (gas to get about 10 mi) and can sleep in their own beds.  WE on the otherhand have to pay to rent a car to drive to Pittsburgh, pay for hotels for 4 nights, flights back to NYC all on top of what hosting the wedding weekend is actually costing us.  Of our guests, 95+% are local.  Fiance & I are the ones making the big effort to come to our wedding=)

    I say this joking as I knew straght away getting married in NYC would rule out pretty much our entire guestlist.  It would have been parents & us.

    Post # 51
    Member
    937 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @greenleafmountain- I’m sure you realize, this post is a spinoff of another post on a similarly related topic which got quite heated. I don’t think the OP and Bees who are of her same mindset are referring to people like yourself who REALLY ARE struggling and truly CANNOT afford gifts of a certain amount. I personally don’t think being financially disadvantaged= rude, and I would bet your friends and family would rather have YOU at their weddings than your gift.

    My mother’s best friend is poor- really poor. She is without a doubt one of the kindest people I’ve ever known and she has been a wonderful friend to my Mom. I want her to come to my wedding and have a great time. I don’t want her to give me a gift.

    It’s not people like yourself, or my Mom’s friend that we were originally talking about on the other thread. It’s the people who really DO have it but choose to not give a gift. To me, yes, that is wrong.

    Post # 52
    Member
    546 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @ Bee Bee You don’t know what she is dealing with and what bills she has to pay! I think that assuming everyone can do that, especially when we are planning weddings where every $100 counts is crazy.

    Post # 54
    Member
    74 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @ Bee Bee – That is completely absurd. If a person is making $14,000 a year, you really expect them and think it is APPROPRIATE that they scrap together one or two months to get a gift of $100??? Do you know how much $100 is to a person who is living month to month? It is the difference between making your rent on time, having electricity, being able to afford filling up your car to get to work.

    I can’t believe you would make such an accusatory post (your CAPS LOCK doesn’t help either). I feel sorry for you that you come from such a materialistic circle, but thankfully not everyone does. NO ONE should have to put their life on hold for someone else’s wedding, ESPECIALLY when it comes down to giving a gratuitous gift OR buying your own bare necessities.

    Post # 55
    Member
    937 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I agree with grenadine, that was kinda harsh, BeeBee. Do you realize that $14,000 is at or below the poverty level in some states?!!! If that was my income, I’d have to say, wedding gifts would be the last thing on my mind. Seriously.

    Post # 56
    Member
    2633 posts
    Sugar bee

    Meh – I guess we are going to have to agree to disagree.

     

    I don’t view gift giving as a “common courtsey”.  I view gift giving as something that is completely optional, but of course greatly appreciated.

    Post # 57
    Member
    5843 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Wow Bee Bee if you thinking “having manners” is posting those comments then you don’t know the meaning of those words. Its called living Paycheck to Paycheck FOR A REASON

    Post # 58
    Member
    937 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @BeeBee- ?!?!?!?!!? Greenleaf did initially ‘shoot her mouth off’ but she did apologize. Did you not see her second post? I think we can disagree without attacking, can’t we?  

    Post # 59
    Member
    3124 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    Would you rather someone give up birth control and basic grooming to write a check to cover their plate? if that’s what it came down to? This is why the threads get so heated.

    Post # 60
    Member
    145 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    For your information Judgemental Bees – I MYSELF am living paycheck to paycheck, in fact, far worse then that if you count all the payday loans. I have $ 4.30 in my wallet right now as I type this.

    My point is, don’t show up at a wedding empty handed. That is rude and ignorant. You can’t afford to go, don’t go.

    Post # 61
    Member
    74 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Umm… I didn’t talk to you like I know you, I talked to you based on what you had posted. You are drawing your own assumptions because I never said nor implied you were “evil” — I said you came from a materialistic circle. And not showing up to a wedding because you can’t afford a gift, in my mind, proves just that. My best friends and family would NEVER expect me not to come to their big day just because I had fallen on hard times.

    And you are seriously strawmanning this argument and making obscene comparisons. Hairspray? coffee? condoms? Really? I can’t even respond to that because it is so far fetched. Sorry Greenleaf, you’re gonna have to lay off the birth control for a few months so you can get your selfish friends a $100 gift card.

    I agree with your second sentiment. A thoughtful gift would be appreciated — but does “thoughtful” only count if it cost 50-100?

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