(Closed) Would You Ever Attend a Wedding Empty Handed?

posted 10 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: Would You Ever Attend a Wedding Without Giving the Couple a Gift?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 77
    Member
    636 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Wow! Getting crazy in the hive already today!  FWIW I would never go to a wedding without giving a gift.  You don’t have to give cash.  Stash away your macy’s coupons and get a nice frame or photo album or something just to show that you care enough to do something.  If you can only afford to spend $20, you can still get a thoughtful gift for someone who wanted you to spend one of the most special days in their life with them.

    Post # 78
    Member
    454 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Oh wow.

    Sorry your thread got crazy, FutureKMM. Clearly not where you wanted it to go.

    Post # 79
    Member
    546 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @monkeygirl ha i thought the same thing. Thats so out of line, how can you be yelling about how you were raised right in the middle of bashing someone like that?

    Post # 80
    Member
    3124 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    @kmm – i think that should be edited to *woman. Only one in the group is going off.

    I think both sides can agree that traditionally, gifts are given. One may feel disappointed if they don’t receive a gift, but when it comes down to it, can’t we agree that weddings are by invitation, and the invitation is to attend the event and celebrate with the couple? Technically – that is it. Same with being in a bridal party. Beyond standing with the couple and supporting them, the rest is just extra, and very nice and appreciated. But one shouldn’t spend all their time and energy setting high expectations for others unless you’re really into disappointment. You can only control one person – yourself.

    Post # 81
    Member
    2475 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Unless I was literally bankrupt, I would bring a gift to any wedding I attend.  However, if I really couldn’t afford to give single thing (highly unlikely), I would still attend.  I’d like to think that I’d be invited for my presence and to witness a couple’s special event… whether or not I am able to give a gift. 

    Post # 83
    Member
    1980 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    <sits back with coffee and watches the drama with delight>

    Post # 84
    Member
    546 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @texas HAHAHA

    Post # 85
    Member
    937 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I am all for a spirited debate, but I think we can do without the name calling and threats. That’s not what the Bee is about.

    BeeBee, I know you’re new here, and you’re obviously very upset, but you can disagree with her without threatening to slap her, using profanity, and calling names. When you say stuff like that, it only makes you look bad- and any valid point you may be trying to make is lost because all people see is your poor choice of words. I don’t think she was defaming your character or your family. What she wrote surely didn’t warrant your response.

    I don’t think the OP meant for this to turn so ugly. Wow.

    Post # 86
    Member
    454 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    PS I also hope greenleafmountain isn’t upset by this. No posts since the earlier bad things were said about her.  I THINK YOURE GREAT.

    Post # 87
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    @grenadine – actually, @Bee Bee is reminding me a lot of Kelly right now.  And I LOVE that show.  😛

    I honestly have no idea how @Bee Bee thinks it’s okay to imply that others have not been raised properly because they won’t stop having sex with their SOs in order to save enough money to give a $100 gift at a wedding, but it’s NOT okay for someone to call her out as being out of line.  I for one won’t miss her here on WB and I’m sure people won’t miss her attacks.

    To the OP – I have not attended a wedding empty handed (except when I was <20 and in school and was invited as “and family”), but I could definitely see circumstances where I would.  Destinations weddings, or if I lost my job, or something similar, I could definitely see just bringing a card or something.  Or maybe making a gift, but probably only spending $5 or $10 or what-not.

    I totally understand being disappointed if you thought someone would give you something and they didn’t, but I agree with many of the posters who have said that we really ought to not expect people to give gifts and we shouldn’t hold it against them if they don’t.  I honestly would prefer that the people I invite show up and be there with me on my special day and not bring a gift, than not show up at all.  But I can understand where if you’re forced to invite someone you didn’t want to in the first place “because they’re family” or whatever, to be annoyed if they didn’t even bring a card or what-not.

    Post # 88
    Member
    169 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    First of all…

    @Sahsahbah: I agree 100% with you!

    Secondly, you should NEVER assume that someone has the same values, and courtesy, as you do. Because in reality…you’ll just end up disappointed. And that rule goes for just about anything in life. I KNOW my ettiquete…but that doesn’t mean all my friends do as well.

    And I honestly am NOT BS’ing when I say that I don’t expect gifts. Is that really a problem? Like another Bee said, I am not spending all this money for a toaster, or whatever. If all I wanted were gifts, I’d have taken my money and would have gone shopping! To me, their presence is all I want..nothing more. If they do buy me a gift, I’ll say thank you…but I definitely won’t think any more of them than the ones who didn’t bring me a gift. Material things are just that..material things. A toaster may break after 1-3 years, but your friendship will last longer. Think whatever you want of me…but that’s how I am and I’m very happy this way. I see way too many people getting hurt when they expect too much from others.

    Now, to answer the question…I never go to a wedding “empty handed”. However, where I live, you should NEVER show up at a wedding with a gift..you mail it to their house. Now, I’ve traveled to several countries to attend friends’ weddings where I didn’t take a gift because I had already spent $3000 just to be there and share that special day with them…does that make me a bad person? I don’t think so…

    Post # 89
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    @Monkeygirl- thank you for your kind words.  And I do understand that my situation is not the most common.  I can understand why someone might be surprised when someone who is known to be well off chose not to give a gift.  I get that there is a difference, and I did overreact.  I just felt like people who cannot give a gift were being unfairly lumped in with people who can give a gift and choose not to.

    @FutureKMM- Thank you for being so understanding when I reacted so inappropriately. You are a class act 🙂

    And finally, @BeeBee- No, in two months or more it is not always possible for me to save $50 or more.  Every month, after bills, I have about $200 to play with, most of which I try to save. Last month I couldn’t save anything and even had a net loss in my budget of about $60- an unexpected power bill and flat tire which had to be replaced put me $60 in the hole.  This month I attended one wedding already which cost me about $50 for the gas and a meal on the road, and now have the 10 hour away wedding, which round trip will cost me about $100 in gas, $100 for the night at the hotel, plus whatever meals I have to buy on the road etc.  So I was $60 in the hole last month and am already $50 in the hole this month.  Luckily I bought gifts for these two wedding back in March, so I’m ok there.  But I was only able to do that because I had received save the dates- I didn’t even have the invitations yet.  If they had not sent me a save the date and I only had 2 months to save, then no, I would not have been able to afford a gift.  I really can’t afford to keep having multiple months in the hole like this.  I have to at least break even for July, losing more money is just not an option.  So if I were, today, to receive an invite for a July wedding, I highly doubt I could give a gift.

    I found your comment to be very rude and uncalled for.  I debated whether I should even respond to it, but I am hoping that maybe you are just ignorant of how tight some people are financially. Hopefully this little look into my finances has helped you.

    Post # 90
    Member
    2765 posts
    Sugar bee

    It is not acceptable to call someone a f***ing slut and to threaten to slap their face, no matter the provocation.

    I am closing this thread and suspending the commenter for a week.

    The topic ‘Would You Ever Attend a Wedding Empty Handed?’ is closed to new replies.

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