(Closed) Would you ever consider adoption?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 31
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

JenGirl:  thanks! I agree strongly with your point that healthy infants don’t necessarily need homes. We would probably adopt a child around age 4 or 5, unless we chose a sibling set, in which case one might be younger.

Post # 32
Member
352 posts
Helper bee

I’ve always been fond on the idea of adopting. I would love to have one or two of my own & if possible adopt another. If for some reason I could not have any of my own then I would most definitely pursue adoption. Race/nationality wouldn’t be much factor, SO & I are already in a interracial relationship anyway. Who knows what the future holds for me in this area, all I know is I do want to be a parent to a child whether they are my “own”, adopted, or both.

Post # 33
Member
7843 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have 2 biological daughters.  When they are grown I will consider fostering a child.  I don’t know that it would be fair to anyone to do it now- I would want to devote extra care and attention to the foster child.

Post # 34
Member
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Laurenplusalex:  Great point – I forgot about sibling sets! Those are also harder to foster/adopt out. And it’s so awesome when they can stay together. You get some bio family and awesome parents!

Post # 35
Member
390 posts
Helper bee

I first learned of adoption when I was about six or seven years old when a friend of the family adopted a son. Ever since then, I have always wanted to adopt. Most of my volunteer work has been with children who are “at-risk”, orphans, special needs, in foster care, group homes, etc. When I met Fiance in one of our first conversations I found out that he shared the same passion and goal of adopting. We plan to adopt 2 children, hopefully siblings.  We’re open to both international and national adoption. Either way will be adopting children who are considered “hard to place”.  Fiance also wants to have one biological child, which I am open to as well but I would be perfectly happy just adopting and not birthing any children.

Post # 36
Member
9134 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

rbuchanan09:  I absolutely love the idea of it but honestly I don’t know that we would have the money and the patience to deal with the adoption process.  It can be extremely long and heartbreaking, especially if you don’t have much money and you have to rely on adopting children in state care where an adoption can be completely shut down a year into the process.  (I work for child services in my state so I have direct experience with families dealing with this.)

Post # 37
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would rather adopt than have a baby. The reason being that there are many many people looking to give up their babies for adoption. I would prefer a baby. That’s my preference.

Post # 38
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

rbuchanan09:  We would never consider that simply because we are on the fence about kids to begin with, so if turns out that we cant have our own biological children the desire is not really that strong to have any at all. Maybe that is selfish but oh well. Thats how we feel. 

Post # 39
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee

urchin:  “No. I honestly don’t think I have the capabilities to take on the responsibility of adopting a child. Said child is not going to automatically be grateful and thankful that you adopted them. Many older children come with a lot of problems that I don’t think I could properly help them get through. Many babies that are adopted from overseas grow up to struggle with their identity and connection to their adoptive parents. I just don’t know that I could be a strong enough person to address all of those things.

I also have this selfish need to have that biological bond with my child, as stupid as that seems when I say it. Birthing my daughter was something very important to me. I don’t know that adopting a child would provide me with the same bond.

turnanewleaf:  “Probably not. It is a gruelling process that I feel I would become jaded and bitter over by the time all is said and done, and I wouldn’t have that oxytocin rush a birth mother would get to bond me to the child after going through all that, which could be disastrous.

I’m just not confident we could bond, and I have no interest in laying every aspect of my life bare to be judged upon.

+1 to both.

Post # 40
Member
71 posts
Worker bee

@eeniebeans: Good thinking! sometimes children that have been in foster care come with their own habits and “problems” the last thing you would want is to foster while you have small children in the home and have some “incident” occur that may scar everyone in the family. 

I was a social worker and being on the other side, I realized that I need to do this. Fiance and I have agreed that as soon as our children are older we will assess what age range we would feel comfortable having in the home, the older our own biological children, then the age of foster children in the home will be increased as well (we don’t want them to be close in age to our own children, so we dont have any problems). If that child is not “wanted” and not adopted by about a year of being with us then we will be happy to adopt him or her because every child deserves a family. It is not for everyone, but if you have the heart to do it, do it. It’s a rewarding, beautiful experience. 

 

For anyone looking to adopt a baby: Foster to adopt is the best way to get an infant. He/She may have a few issues (like mother was drug addict) but with proper care they usually are normal after withdrawal periods, but usually if no family can be found, or will take care of them then the first foster home will be priority if they want the baby. Its really a beautiful thing when this happens because there is not disruption in the childs life. 

 

If anyone has any question on becoming a foster parent or anything feel free to message me. It is very dear and close to my heart, I loved every minute of working in foster care. 

Post # 41
Member
2377 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

rbuchanan09:  

rbuchanan09:weve just visited cambodia and  we fell in love with the country and people. We would adopt a cambodian baby in a heartbeat, the children there are absolutely divine and in need of a good home , we actually even researched it for the future! But good old angelina jolie ruined it for evrryone else when she adopted her baby incorrectly there. Such a shame. 

Post # 42
Member
4521 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I want to seriously consider adoption when Darling Husband and I are ready for kids. I’d like to have one biologically because I want that experience, but beyond that, I’d be up for adopting additional children. I’m also interested in possibly fostering once I have kids.

Darling Husband and I have already agreed that if we are unable to conceive, we’ll go the adoption route instead of IVF or other fertility options.

Post # 43
Member
1831 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

We’ve been giving a lot of thought to this. I had always considered adopting a possibility regardless of whether or not we were successful at conceiving on our own. I’m back and forth on it right now. This may sound awful, and maybe I’m awful for thinking about it, but I worry about the child we would get. I’m a firm believer that in the nature vs nurture thing, the latter is more important. I think that if any child is raised in a good home, the odds will favor them growing up into a good person. But biology is important too. My husband works in education and I work in healthcare, and I’m sorry but — people can be freaking AWFUL. I’m not talking about learning disabilities, special needs, or emotional problems — everyone’s got issues — I’m more talking about severe personality disorders.  I mean the kind of awful that no amount of good parenting can fix. Sometimes I look at the people I take care of (adults), and wonder if I could handle my child turning out like this 20, 30, 40+ years down the road. I know there is no guarantee with biological children either, but I just think it’s something you’re more likely to encounter when you can’t account for genetics and may not know what issues your child’s biological parents had. I think it’s something every potential adoptive parent needs to consider before starting the process.

Edit: I just read this back and it sounds harsh. I don’t want to sound like I think adoption is anything but a fantastic way to build a family. I guess this is just my deepest, darkest fear about it. And I don’t think this type of thing would be at all the norm. I just think a certain percentage of people are inherently bad and I’m scared of those — but I guess a kid of my own could turn out to be a colossal D-bag too. I guess I’m just the type to always play out a worst case scenario when making decsisions.

Post # 44
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I do love the idea of adoption, and I am planning to adopt at some point, even tho i am able to have my own kids, i feel every kid should be well taking care of, and if I can afford it, Y not?

Post # 45
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I likely can’t conceive, and even if I could, it’s not a good idea for me to ever be pregnant (health issues + birth defects if I stayed on current meds + bed rest, etc). Mr Lobizon and I have discussed both adoption and foster, and presently fostering seems like a better option. 

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