(Closed) Would you ever help pay off your SO's debt?

posted 5 years ago in Money
Post # 76
Member
616 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Yeah I would after marriage, we’ll just combine our debts and tackle them together ~

Post # 77
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

After marriage? Absolutely! I’m in the opposite situation. If FH lived the good life while I struggled to pay my loans, that would not sit well with me. As some have pointed out before me, FH directly benefits from the income that my degree has brought in.

I’m surprised (although perhaps I shouldn’t be) about some of the resposnses. I would not, personally, be in a relationship where my assets were shared but my debts were mine to bear alone.

Post # 78
Member
3389 posts
Sugar bee

stokesto:  I would not help an SO with their debt, until there was a lifelong commitment involved. Fiance and I are combining finances when we move in together. By the time I finish medical school, I’ll have close to $400,000 in debt (no undergrad debt, solely from med school).  Lucky Fiance will get to help me pay that off for all of eternity 😉 haha 

Post # 79
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would not contribute to paying off my SO’s debt until we were married. I’m very careful with my money, and I would not want to contribute to my boyfriend’s debt and then have the relationship end. I might consider it if he were my fiance, and I had extra money, but I’m still not sure I’d feel comfortable doing that. My husband and I didn’t live together before we were married, so we were each in charge of our own households and finances. The only debt either of us had at that time was our mortgages, and that’s still the only debt we have. I can’t imagine ever having asked him to contribute to my debt before we were married, but I imagine it would have been different if we’d been living together and contributing towards bills together. We combined finances when we got married so there’s no my money/his money, and no my debt/his debt. We are one household. I do still own a condo that’s solely in my name, but it’s now an income property. Rent goes into a bank account that is also solely in my name, so I guess that’s my debt that I pay with my money, but it was just much simpler to leave it set up as it was before we were married. We both think of it as joint property and money.

Post # 80
Member
7058 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think every couple and situation is different. What works for some won’t work for others.

Darling Husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for almost 3. We purchased a home together 5 years before we were even married. We have and still do maintain seperate bank accounts. I’ve always paid “my” bills (car, student loan, cell phone, insurance, etc) and he’s paid “his” loans. However, because he makes 3x more than I do, he pays our main expenses like mortgage payment. I cover household items – grocery shopping, etc.

We both came out of college with large student loans, although his were MUCH larger than mine. His job affords him the opportunity to aquire large amounts of money, almost like a bonus. He’s been very fortunate to have a few of those over the past couple of years and used the money to pay off both our student loans. I had about 27k and he had around 80k. He considers it “our” money, but honestly, it’s not like either of us are spending it on frivolous things. We’re doing renovations to our home, and paying bills.

We had a semester in college where I paid his tuition. He was paying our monthly expenses and I had started working full time and banked the money, and was happy to do it. Likewise there have been times over the years I’ve needed help and he’s been there to float me. When we purchased our home, the down payment came from money that had been gifted to me by my family. My parents knew we were entertaining the idea of buying a home, and figured it was going to be my money one day anyway so I got some of it early. Likewise, “my” money covered a few thousand dollars worth of furniture for the house after we closed. That being said, he’s continued to cover the mortgage and main expenses. 

I get that some peopel find it really strange after all these years we still have seperate accounts but it works for us.

Post # 81
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

If we were just dating, no, probably not, but now that we’re married, absolutely. And if it was only 5k, that’s not too bad. I have a LOT of debt from my college education (about 6 times as much) but hope to pay it off myself and will be able to pay it off once I start workin in the next month. I am lucky that my Darling Husband has no debt and we both want to keep it that way, but if he needed help I would not hesitate.

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