Post # 32
I have thought about this a lot since coming on the bee. My answer is no, I would never sign one, and I would consider it to be a deal breaker if my SO insisted.
The reason for it is this: I believe that the divorce laws in my country are designed to be fair and equitable. They take into account inherited wealth, length of relationship, and assets acquired during the marriage. I believe that these laws are fair, especially having seen my parents’ divorce first hand.
If the laws are fair, the only reason that you would want to sign a prenup is to try and circumnavigate the law, so that it does not apply to you. The idea that my partner might believe that the law should not apply to them bothers me. The idea that they believe that the law should not be applied equitably to them in the case of our divorce bothers me even more… it is a premeditated way to ignore the rules.
As it happens, this is a moot point, as prenups are not recognised under English law for precisely this reason: we have one law, and you can’t “opt out” of it. Law applies equally to everybody… this is the entire point.
For this reason, as well as for the more usual reasons (you should have no doubts going into a marriage) I am not a fan.
Post # 33
Yes I would surely sign a prenup I remember when I was dating a millionaire (he had lots of trust funds from family and all people in his family were loaded. He had over 7 million dollars coming to him from the time he graduated college to the time that he retired. His mom (after 6 months of dating) sat me down and said now, I know that you love my son and that you are a single mother, but, I did not put my son through school and give him all that money for him to throw it away, so I am going to need you to sign a prenup if you were to ever marry my son. Is that something you can do? I just looked at her confused on if she was being nice and supportive or mean and then I finally said, “If I marry your son I would have no problems signing a prenup as I am in love with him and not his wallet.” from that moment on his mom and I had a great relationship. When me and that guy broke up though his mom turned sour faced (I think its because I was actually with him because I cared not because I know he has money)
Post # 34
@jackieee: Ditto. Perfectly put.
Post # 35
My Fiance and I will be drawing up a pre-nup. We each bring assets into the marriage and feel a prenup is appropriate.
Post # 36
- Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID
@ladyamalthea: I’d sign a pre-nup. I think it’s better safe than sorry. I also don’t think it means my SO loves me any less or trusts me any less, I just think it makes him smart for being prepared for the unknown.
Post # 37
@CTbride2010: “I feel like people are forgetting that a pre nup is not just “I keep my money and you get nothing” A prenup says in writing what you would get if something were to happen to your marriage, you can even have a cheating clause in there… if you quit your job to stay home with the kids and 8 years in he comes to you and tells you he is no longer in love with you and wants to marry his secretary… your prenup that you estabilished at the beginning could save you from having to join the work force after a 8 year absense, it could give you the house out right, or enough spousal support to get/keep you on your feet. People change and get mean and its better to know that you won’t be homeless because your husband is leaving you…“
SO and I are seriously considering signing one – not because either of us has significant separate assets; not because we don’t trust each other; not because we don’t view our marriage as a lifetime promise; but because we recognise the importance of having something put in place in case the worst were to occur – because life happens, and neither of us have any idea what it holds for as a individuals or as a couple.
Post # 38
@Mischka: “our prenup that you estabilished at the beginning could save you from having to join the work force after a 8 year absense, it could give you the house out right, or enough spousal support to get/keep you on your feet.”
… but surely the LAW already does that? To be honest, I would be pretty horrified if it didn’t. If it doesn’t, I would argue that you need a change in the law… not more prenups!
DISCLAIMER: I don’t really know how US state law works. We just have one law for everyone here.
Post # 39
@Rachel631: I agree with you on this one.
I get why some people want to sign them, and I don’t think either way is the wrong way to go, but within the bounds of my relationship it has no place.
The laws here seriously favour the woman, and so the law already protects him from drying me out and I am not a spiteful person, I know I would never take everything from anyone else either. So, we have no need for it.
I think the sweeping generalisations on this topic are totally rude and unneccessary. I understand if one person comes in with a lot of assets, but for a fairly even-footed start I don’t see why one is neccessary unless they don’t trust their partner. I have faith in him and I would ask him to have faith in me too, I wouldn’t bleed the worst person I know dry.
@MrsPanda99: I hate, hate, hate those women who argue that they should be getting money off their ex-husbands to continue their (lavish) “lifestyles”. I get not wanting to live in a squat, but the law would never allow that anyway, and you don’t have the “right” to live the high life because you were married to a rich man for a while… get a job and pay your own damn stuff *grr*
THOSE are the kind of relationships where a pre-nup should be signed, when one person is obviously in a much better position than the other.
Post # 40
I would definitely sign one. Neither of us has significant assets, which would be the biggest reason to sign one for me. So we didn’t. I am less concerned about anything we earn over time after we are married, since our partnership is certainly relevant to that. But if one of us had a business or large amount of cash, I’d definitely do it.
Post # 41
We are having a pre nup, it’s not really an emotional thing for us it is practical. I own my business jointly with my sister and god forbid something haopened the pre nup will protect my business and my sister. To me it just makes sense to always be prepared no matter what in any situation and marriage is no different. It’s just a piece of paper it doesn’t mean I love my fiancé any less.
Post # 42
@Rachel631: What if you were getting married to someone from another country who owned a business with his family and the prenup was only about that business?
Post # 43
@Rachel631: I’m not from the USA either, so I don’t know how their laws work – I live in Australia and NZ – and to be honest I’ve never researched what our laws are in regards to divorce. Perhaps they do ‘protect’ the SAHP from that example, but a pre-nup can be more than that if you decide it should be.
The law isn’t always fair; there can be general guidelines for things, or there can be strict rules in place – what happens if we don’t agree with the divorce laws? Or for some reason we are a unusual case and the outcome is unfavourable to one person?
SO and I just like the idea that we can decide what our plan would be. A plan that we are both happy with; a plan that takes our needs and personal wants/opinions into consideration.
I don’t tell people they’re stupid or naive for not getting a pre-nup and I don’t appreciate it when people think they can tell me how I “obviously don’t value my relationship”, or am “pre-empting divorce” by choosing to sign one (not that I’m suggesting you’re implying that, I just get that reaction a lot and it’s really no one else’s concern but mine and my SO’s).
Post # 44
I’d sign if it was fair to us both.
Post # 45
@AB Bride: The answer is that A) It would still not be legal for me to do so under UK law (or, rather, I could sign… but the contract would have no legal standing or relevance), and B) I would doubtless be bound by the laws from his country of origin, which would no doubt protect their countryman.
For example, my Father and Stepmother have assets in Italy. Despite not being Italian, there are strict Italian laws which apply to their Italian assets in the case of their divorce or death. Signing a UK prenup makes no difference as to how these assets would be distributed. As they are extra-territorial, it is not possible for a UK court to decide on their distribution or lack thereof… a separate appeal would have to be made to the Italians, and linked to the UK settlement, in this case.
@Mischka: “what happens if we don’t agree with the divorce laws?… SO and I just like the idea that we can decide what our plan would be.”
This is the whole idea behind UK legislation… you don’t get to choose which aspects of the law apply to you and which don’t. Same with tax… you don’t get to opt into paying road tax, but opt out of council tax. You don’t get to decide. After all, one could argue that anything is OK between consenting adults… slavery, physical abuse etc etc. The question is whether or not people are able to consent to their own subjugation. UK law says no… you are not able to consent in a way which negates your legal rights, because a marriage contract is not the same as a business contract.
Now, if we were in Scandanavia, where legal/state marriage is contracted in a way which is far more similar to a business contract, it might be a different story!
Post # 46
Yes. Especially if there’s family money involved. Refusing to sign one wouldn’t be an instant deal breaker for me, but it would probably make me think twice about the marriage.