(Closed) Would you feel awkward going to a wedding with the “e” thing looming about?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
14 posts
Newbee

I really understand where you’re coming from as far as the elephant in the room goes.  Just keep remembering that it’s really about you and your guy.  Coworkers, family, friends can all sometimes stir the "engagement" soup when it’s not necessary, but in the end we can’t control them.  All we can do is prepare for the worst, most uncomfortable comments and deal with them as best we can. 

 Honestly, I would feel uncomfortable going to the wedding – you’re not alone.  However, you should still go.  What I have done in the past is just been honest with my boyfriend.  I’ve mentioend to him that I’m concerned that some comments might be made that frustrate me/us because its’ our business, not others.  I always ask him how he would wish to handle them – we come up with an answer together that we just stick with.  Then, if it happens, we know exactly how to deal.  If nothing is said, it doesn’t hurt that we were prepared.

We’re going to TWO weddings this summer of friends of ours – both dated less time than us, both got engaged AND married…and we’re not engaged.  My best friend who dated less than us also got engaged about 2 months ago, so I definitely understand the feelings that you are dealing with.  A while back he told me that by the time we go to the weddings this summer we’ll be going as an engaged couple – I just don’t know when he’s planning to propose, but that’s what keeps me hanging in there through the irritating little comments.

Anyway – try talking to your guy. If you present this as you’re being proactive to head off a situation rather than complaining about not being engaged, he should respect you for trying to avoid/deal with a potentially uncomfortable situation.

 

Good luck!

 

Post # 4
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

I totally understand your feelings on the subject and where you are coming from. I dated my guy over 4 years before we got engaged while I watched countless friends who dated less time get married before us.

After going to several weddings last summer and complaining to my mom about how hard it is to face the dreaded "When are YOU guys getting engaged" questions she offered some great words of advice. She said do you love your man? Does he love you and your daughter and treat you well? The answer to both was YES! She reminded me that our love for each other is what matters, that marriage is not a race to the altar or a competition. All relationships are on their own timelines. The next time I had to go to a get together with old friends and knew I was going to get grilled by them, I took a deep breath and locked eyes with my now fiance and new that it would all work out for us on OUR time. And you know what? Although it took my fiance a bit longer to pop the question, when he did it was perfect timing for us.

Hope that helps! 

Post # 5
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Like plaid1352 said, talk to your guy before you go and maybe come up with a party line that you can both say to people asking.  We went to many (ugh, so many!) weddings before we got engaged and each one had more and more "Soooo…..when’s it your turn?" moments. I told him before each one that I can’t control what people will say to me and I, in turn, will be honest with my responses (aka "Yeah, I know, right?! What’s he waiting for? *wink wink*")  His grandmother even grabbed him by the shoulders at his cousin’s wedding and said that just because the milk is free, doesn’t mean he shouldn’t buy the cow (should I have been insulted? πŸ™‚ )

Good luck during the wedding season and don’t beat yourself up over talking about it with people. Allow yourself to relax and just be diplomatic to all comments coming your way.

Post # 6
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I can understand your situation. Me & my guy- together for 10 years. Lived together for 4 of those. His sister was already proposed to TWICE. His brother got married. His other brother eloped. When was he going to propose?!

I was bitter & out of patience.

But then, it happened last October. And to be honest, I felt really ashamed for giving him a hard time, for crying over it in front of him.

But it’s really hard to act ‘happy’ for others when you’re wishing it was the two of you.

Post # 7
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

Well, if it makes you feel any better (or at least gives you a laugh), a few years ago, I attended a wedding having just broken things off with my fiance at the time.  No one there knew we had broken up because we didn’t want people to pay attention to us instead of the wedding.  So we went as dates, as we normally would have.  I caught the bouquet.  He caught the garter.  Couldn’t get any more awkward than that! 

Post # 11
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

Uggh. I hated dealing with these types of questions. It is so rude that people think it’s OK to stick their noses into your relationship timeline.

My situation was a bit different, because FH was the one chomping at the bit to get engaged, and I was the one holding off. But the questions are no less annoying coming at them from that angle.

What we always said was that we had other relationship priorities at the moment and that marriage wasn’t our number one concern at that time. Then I usually acted a bit snotty and implied that the askers were shallow for assuming that love was all about a ring. That usually shut people up right away.

Post # 12
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

Yay!  I’m glad it all worked out so well!

Post # 13
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

πŸ™‚ Glad it worked out!

 I was in my sister’s wedding a year ago. One of the flower girls (about 5 years old) was obviously thinking about marriage while riding in the limo to the ceremony, and stated (totally out of the blue) … "if you love somebody, you should marry them". after aww-ing a bit at that, my sister said, go tell that to (mr mechie)! I just laughed it off, and have found it to be the best reply… that or to say, "I know, right?!" πŸ™‚

Post # 14
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Aw, we are all so happy for you that the day did not turn for the worse!  It sounds like you all had a great time.  I know for me that the time leading up to when my Fiance proposed was so exciting.  I loved day dreaming about how he might do it, and I luuuuuuuuuuuuved when he would say things that hinted at what he was thinking.  It’s really so exciting, and sometimes brides to be worry so much that they miss this part of the fun!  I’m so glad that you can see this in a positive light!!  It’s coming!!!!!!  πŸ™‚

Post # 15
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

bellenga I was thinking of you this weekend. I’m glad to hear things went well and it sounds like some good communication is happening between you and your man πŸ™‚

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