(Closed) Would you financially support your 25 year old kid?

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 17
Member
9823 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Not in that situation!

Post # 18
Member
1914 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX

Absolutely not. I am 25 and the thought of my parents supporting me is baffling.

Post # 19
Member
12246 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Nope!

Unless my child enlisted in the military/peace corps/whatever, came home, and then decided to go to college, and was slated to graduate laste because of that.

Or if my kid was severely disabled and unable to ever live independently.

But not if it was because they liked to party!

Post # 20
Member
11519 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@weddingbee098:  My parents paid for my first degree as long as I finished on time.  If I screwed up I was on my own. 

There would have to be some serious extenuating circumstances for me to support a 25 year old.

Post # 21
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

His parents are blinded.

My parents are the same way. My brother is 24 and doesn’t have a single responsibility. Well he does go to college, I think he may be on the 10 year plan (no sign of a degree). They give him money, pay for his car, pay his tickets, do everything for him. He sits in his room all day smoking pot and playing video games. ALL DAY/ALL NIGHT.

My parents won’t listen to reason, they say there is nothing they can do. If they cut him off he would be homeless, not have a car… bla bla bla. He will never know what it is to be an adult, sad.

Post # 22
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

No. Unless they have a disability they should well and truly be able to support themselves by that age. I’ve been supporting myself since I was 16, so maybe I have higher expectations of what other people can/should do.

Both my older siblings rely on my dad WAY too much and it really pisses me off. I don’t think they were ever made to be self sufficient (we were raised in different households), I wouldn’t want to encourage that kind of dependency, so I wouldn’t allow a 25 year old to leech off me. Sink or swim, buddy!

Post # 23
Member
5659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Would I support THIS kid at 25? HELL no. I might help a kid who is paying their way through grad school but imo, once you graduate from undergrad you’re on your own if you want a graduate degree. I might help you a bit by letting you live at home or staying on my insurance for awhile until you get on your feet but no  I wouldn’t support a 25 year old in most circumstances.

Post # 24
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I would not support them in the OP’s scenario. If they were truly having a rough time, but making an effort, then maybe – but they would have to earn their share (whether via chores, footing the grocery bill, etc.).

However, not to threadjack, but I noticed something peculiar about this. I noticed that the “dependent students” in these scenarios seem to always be males. Why is that? You just don’t hear about females bumming around like this even if they do struggle out on their own. Is it b/c parents still tend to favor/coddle the males in the family?

Post # 25
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Ms_Purple:  Your situation sounds similar to mine. I have not lived at home since I left for college (except for short stints like over summer break), but my brother, who is now 27, was a boomerang kid. He left for school, decided he wanted to switch directions, so changed schools, but he eventually dropped out and moved back in with our parents. That was almost four years ago. Now, he only works part-time, doesn’t make hardly any money, and my parents allow him to just take money for whatever he needs, whenever he needs it.

What drives me crazy is that he has this “entitled” attitude and sees nothing wrong with taking money from our parents for stupid stuff like booze and video games, when our parents are NOT well-off, but lower-middle class. It’s just sad that my parents wont cut him off or even scale back his spending. When his car breaks down, my parents pay for the repair. When he needs new clothes, my parent buy some for him. Basically, he is still dependent on them at age 27, but with no prospects of moving out. Ever. Ugh.

I do think the way we were brought up has a lot to do with this. My mom, especially, always handed us everything, did everything for us, cleaned up after us, etc. etc. She thought at the time she was being a great mom by taking care of everything for us. Instead, I’ve had to struggle to counter that entitled attitude, to learn to do things for myself, to teach myself how to properly cook/clean. It might sound really bizarre, but I so wish my parents had been way harder on us. Coddling children/young adults is really doing them a disservice, imo. 

Post # 27
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Absolutely not. I don’t support grown folks. My kids are 22 and 24 and completely self-sufficient and living on their own (not in a dormitory). Things come up from time to time that I’m glad to help with – emergency trips to the vet or automobile accidents, etc…  but other than those unusual things, they handle their own expenses. As for college, past Year 4, they need to handle that. I have 2 other kids to send behind them. No dragging it out forever. I just finished Year 4 with the second one. She didn’t graduate and that’s fine but I’m DONE.

Post # 28
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My dad told both me and my sister that we had 4 years to finish our undergrad degrees and he would pay.  After that, we were on our own!  Believe me, we both graduated in 4 years.

Post # 29
Member
12480 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

No way in the situation outlined in the OP.  That person would have to take off time, work for a period of time and prove they are capable of being responsible. If it were a question of paying for a motivated student, undergrad or grad school, and I could afford it, then yes. 

Post # 30
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@weddingbee098:  no way. When I was in college, my parents gave me a wonderful gift of paying my state university tuition for 4 years. If I took longer, they’d stop paying (I did finish in 4 years though.) The brother is kind of a selfish ass IMO. I am so very grateful to my parents, and I would never dream of leaning in that way – I wanted them to save for retirement and to travel and enjoy life! I lived at home so they wouldn’t have to pay for room & board & meal plan. I worked 20 hours a week in addition to taking 15-18 credits a semester so that I wouldn’t have to ask them for a penny for books, transportation, clothes etc.  

Would I put my kid out on the street if they lost their job and weren’t able to pay rent while looking for a new one? Of course not. Would I support someone who’s lazy and doesn’t want to work? Nope. Being a student is not an excuse. I was an accounting major so my classes were hard, and I still managed to work 20 hours a week, so I don’t see why others can’t… it doesn’t sound like he’s in med school or anything equally taxing. 

Post # 31
Member
5221 posts
Bee Keeper

@weddingbee098:  In that situation? Nope. They are just enabling his Peter Pan syndrome. He needs tough love. It should be hand to door then foot to ass. Let me know where to bring the house warming gift. Come back for sunday dinner, we’ll celebrate your new job. The end.

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