(Closed) Would you financially support your 25 year old kid?

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 32
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My brother is 30 and my parents still support him financially. Drives me bananas, but what can you do? He does seem to finally be on track to making some sort of life progress, but if they’d just cut him off a long time ago, I think we’d all be better off now. On the other hand, it’s not my money, so I don’t get to tell them how to spend it.

Post # 33
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@weddingbee098:  In that sort of situation, nope. I would not. If my kid was working, going to school, behaving well and still not breaking even every month? Of course I would help them. I don’t want to see them living out of a box on a street corner one day. But if we learn that they’re drinking it away or throwing the money away on drugs or something like that, the cash flow will stop.

But it depends on how the child is too… my brother is autistic, not severely, but he’s always going to need help. And my parents are prepared for that. They have special disability bank accounts for him and a mutual fund from some inheritance money that he will get when he’s older. He’s 15 now and will likely be in high school longer then normal. If my future child turns out to have a disability, and can’t work or can only get minimum wage jobs for the remainder of their life, I will continue to support them financially for as long as they need it. No question about that.

Post # 34
Member
2837 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@weddingbee098:  If I knew hands down for a fact that my kid was partying, not studying and not staying on task– no.  I would stop the financial support.

If my kids is 25 and he’s still in school because he’s trying his hardest (and I know this for a fact)- or because he’s continuing his education, yes– I will continue to support him.

 

Post # 35
Member
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree that it’s situation based. My mother always told me that she would help me through 4 years of undergrad and then I was on my own. I was allowed to live in the house over summers during college, but would have had to pay rent if I wanted to move back in with her after college. 

All that being said, I don’t think she would have abandoned me if I was really in a tight spot. But it helped me have the motivation to never get into one! 

How it worked out was actually the reverse. When I was 26 my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer and I moved home to take care of her. We lived off her disability and my very modest student loans (I was finishing my masters thesis at the time). 

Post # 36
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Not under those circumstances and I do not respect my peers that do (I’m 30 and have older friends that still do this)

Assuming I have a developmentally/non-disabled/fully capable 25-year old child, I think the circumstances I would support them are:

-They are working on an advanced degree (or in undergraduate, depending on some circumstances) and want to live at home while doing so

-They have graduated college/grad school and are job hunting and/or doing an internship

-They are working full-time and saving for a down payment on a home, to pay off some type of medical bill or student loan, etc.

They could live with me (pay nominal rent) for any period of time within reason if they are employed, supporting themselves, and otherwise contributing to the home in some way (groceries, utilities, etc) if I had room and they were respectful.

I am sure there are some others I haven’t considered – and in those situations I use the term “support” loosely – a roof over their head, they can eat the meals I make, do laundry, etc. They want to party and booze? They can get a job. That’s their dime. My parents fully supported me during college and I have supported myself since graduation. I have friends that just live with their parents, quit their jobs whenever they want, do whatever, and their parents continue to let their homeless friends move in, random animals, whatever. Adults should act like adults. I realize this is the norm in some cultures and that’s completely different, of course.

Post # 37
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

A 25 year old is not a “kid” or “child” as some people put it.  That should tell you enough to know how I feel about it.

Post # 38
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@weddingbee098:  Yes, but only if they are in school and serious about getting an education. Even if they parited a lot and then wised up and got serious about college at 25 and about the importance of an education, I would. 

They wouldn’t get an open credit card. Just enough to keep them going until they graduate and get a job. 

Post # 39
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

No matter the age or the issue, I don’t think I could ever allow one of my hypothetical children to be homeless. I wouldn’t be giving them an allowance, but I could never deny them food or shelter.

Of course, I wouldn’t be too quick to rescue them from less dire situations.

Post # 40
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@weddingbee098:  I think it depends on the situation. 

 

I’m 27 and still live at home. I will be moving out when I close on my home with my fiancé. My parents didnt totally support me. I’ve had a full time job since I was 22, so I pay for my car loan, car insurance, & cell phone bill. I don’t pay rent, but that’s given me time to save for the house & put money into retirement (this was actually considered my “rent”). So I’m not a freeloader like this guy is, but my parents have pretty much supported me. With like a roof over my head and food. 

 

Post # 41
Member
1010 posts
Bumble bee

I’m 28, and my parents are helping to support me while I’m in med school.  I feel constantly guilty about it, as all of my friends from high school are working full-time and supporting themselves.  I feel that I would definitely need to support my 25 year old kid in a pay-it-forward sort of way, but I’d want them to be working hard and doing something that would lead to them getting a good job at the end of it.  If they were failing classes and spending large amounts on alcohol, the financial support would be stopped (or at least put on hold until they were back on track).

Post # 42
Member
3075 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

Nope! At most support them financially if they’re actually doing well in school.

Post # 43
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@weddingbee098:  Ok there’s unconditional love and then there’s just enabling your child at their own and your expense. We don’t have children yet but my Fiance and I would never let our kids get to that state, that’s just crazy. They need to kick him out and let him learn what it’s like to live in the real world! I’m 25 and in my opinion you should definitely have your s**t together by this age!

Post # 44
Member
2085 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

always situational.  I’m 29 and just moved back into my parents short term for a few months.  Fiance started a new job over an hour away and I’m in a post grad college program here until april.  We can’t afford to rent two places. 

I’ve lived here off and on over the last few years for much the same reason.  Fiance was in school for the last 3 years and his school was an hour and a half away.  I tried to find work there but couldn’t, so we paid for his place, and I worked here and stayed with my parents mon-fri. 

I like to think they aren’t really supporting me other than I don’t have to pay rent… I pay my own bills, my car, my insurance, my phone, many of my own groceries (they would argue this).  I don’t buy week’s worth of household groceries bc my parents are pack rats with food (It’s a struggle to find a space in either our pantry or fridge for ANYTHING.  We eat very differently.  I try and buy the foods I plan to eat, and will stock up the fridge in milk and eggs and the basics. 

I’m definitely not someone who enjoys living at home or wants to for a minute longer than necessary.  HOwever I appreciate their support and understanding and allowing me to stay here.  I would do the same for my kid so long as there was purpose for it and they had motivation and ambition to move on when possible

Post # 45
Member
9782 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I will be 24 this year, my parents still support me. I am studying my postgraduate degree and can’t work at the same time for health reasons at the moment. They still support me, I still live at home. And yes there have been classes I have failed (very few and far between though), even periods of no work and no study, but they still supported me. 

If there was a good reason for still supporting a child at that age, like my situation (health issues), then yes I would. Even if there wasn’t a good reason I probably would, but would be pushing my child to take responsibility and at least get a job or work harder at their studies.

Post # 46
Member
1643 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@weddingbee098:  I definately depends on the situation.  I wouldn’t support this kid, no way.  But say for example my child had previously been in education, then employed but got made redundant through no fault of their own, and needed help while actively looking for another job, then yea I would

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