(Closed) Would you find this annoying?

posted 6 years ago in Names
  • poll: Is it annoying/upsetting if a friend continues to use your maiden name (after being told it changed)
    Yes, they should acknowledge your name change and husband : (52 votes)
    43 %
    No, they knew you before and don't mean any harm : (63 votes)
    53 %
    Other - I'll explain below : (5 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    3942 posts
    Honey bee

    I sometimes use my girl friends maiden names when talking about them, but it’s always an oversight on my part. It’s hard to get used to their new names after knowing them for 10 or 20 years!

    But i would never leave their husband off a Christmas card sent to their house. Sounds like this coule a passive agressive thing?

    Post # 4
    7770 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Maybe she forgot, NBD.  (I doubt it was personal.)


    Post # 5
    4439 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

    That is strange, it’s like she forgot your married.  I don’t think she’s purposely trying to offend you or leaving your husband out… but it is very odd IMO.

    Post # 6
    3941 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I would acknowledge it with her.  But in a joking way.  Say, “Hey! Thank you so much for the card, it was so cute.  At first I didn’t know if it was for me with my maiden name on there since I haven’t seen it in so long!  Thanks again!”

    Post # 7
    718 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I’m wondering if she uses a spreadsheet for stuff like my mom.  She sent a card out without updating a married name this year and had to send an apology card.   Maybe she uses the same sort of thing?

    Post # 8
    5271 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    @lizardloo:  That is excatly what I was going to say. 

    This would so not be a big deal to me, and personally I wouldn’t even mention it. 

    Post # 9
    9 posts
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Although it might be annoying, I think it can also be a matter of getting use to calling someone by a different last name.  I know it takes me a while to get used to calling someone by a different last name, specially since I don’t use it that much (just their first name).

    Post # 10
    2425 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Lol no, since my husband still has a hard time getting my new name right after 6 months! On the phone with customer service people he still uses my maiden name, and gets a kick out of seeing the new name on credit card receipts, etc.

    Post # 11
    2465 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    the maiden name thing wouldn’t bug me, but the christmas card only to you and not both you and your husband would

    Post # 12
    853 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I joke with my friends that we’re never actually changing to the new name in our phones and conversations. I’ve known them since I was 11 and it’s just what I’ve always called them! I’m sure I’ll slowly transition over to their new names a few years after they’re married, but to me it’s kind of cute.

    Post # 13
    6355 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I’m probably not changing my name and my Fiance is probably going to change to mine but I wouldn’t be offended and I doubt he will be offended when people refer to him by his “bachelor name,” which I think is going to be inevitable.

    Post # 14
    4272 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    It would depend….it could be an oversight or it could be a way as to show they do not agree with your marriage. It would get annoying if it happened repeatedly.

    Post # 15
    16191 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I have a friend who still uses my maiden name slightly passive aggressively. I get why you’re perturbed. 😉 With most people, I’d say it’s an oversight, but if there are underlying reasons that she may be addressing you like that, then yeah, I’d be a bit annoyed.

    Post # 16
    4984 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    I have a recently married friend who’s still in my phone by her maiden name, and when talking about her, I still usually refer to her by her maiden name. She has a very common first name, and my older family members who are friends with her older family members only know who I’m talking about if I mention her maiden name. I would never send her a Christmas card with it, AND not acknowledge her husband.

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