Post # 1
This probably isn’t a big deal, but it’s bothering me. Background: I have one maid of honour and one ‘bridesman’ in my bridal party. I’m buying the MOH’s dress (and shoes etc if budget allows) and hiring the BM’s suit.
Now, I’m not going to force my Maid/Matron of Honor to wear anything she hates but I do feel that I should get some say in the matter. My wedding dress is being made by Jasmines Bridal Shop and I have been strongly considering getting my reception dress and MOH’s dress from either them or Dressilyme, for budget reasons and for being able to customise things.
I have mentioned this a few times to my Maid/Matron of Honor briefly. My plan was to have her try on things, picked things that she and I both liked and then have a dress made for her. I sent her a text today saying words to that effect, mentioning that if we found something perfect in the shops then obviously we would get it, but otherwise this is what I’m wanting to do.
Her reply was ‘I don’t think it would be clever of me to get anything custom made! It will be a shop bought design for me.’ And that was it regarding the dress. *** ETA. She knows the budget for the outfit and she knows how much cheaper Jasmines etc are for the kind of dress we’re after.***
This rubbed me the wrong way. Does anyone else think they would find that a bit rude? To me it sounds kind of demanding, like there’s no request in there, it’s just ‘it will be’. No ‘please’ or ‘if you don’t mind I’d really prefer…’ She knows I’m paying for this (I’m a poor student), and to be honest I feel a bit taken for granted. I’m also worried that this means she’s going to be as equally entitled when trying on dresses. Again, I will listen to her and hope to pick something that she likes that also works with what i have in my head.
My Fiance doesn’t think it’s rude. What do you think? I know it’s only a text but I only have one lady in my bridal party so her dress is big deal to me.
***** Edit: She text me saying she plans to lose weight for my wedding so she wants me not to get her dress until a few weeeks before the wedding. I need her dress picked out nowish so other details can be chosen to match. is this a normal bridesmaid request? *clueless*
Post # 3
I think it’s a brief text and you’re reading way too much into it. This is why you don’t communicate over text.
Post # 4
@MrsWBS: This. This right here.
Post # 5
custom made usually equals more expensive. Maybe she’s under the impression that a custom made dress will cost you more and she’s trying to be nice about budget?
Post # 6
maybe it just came across wrong…if I read this correctly she is saying to NOT spend a lot on custom made..maybe she is trying to help you out by going for a shop bought dress or maybe she doesnt understand fully that you are paying for it…maybe she was hoping you would reply something along the lines of
oh dont worry, remember I am paying for it. Just a thought:)
Post # 7
@MrsWBS: I know, but I rarely see her because she is so busy. I’ve known her since we were both babies (25 years) so I’m pretty good at knowing what she means/what her tone is.
Since I hardly see her I do take her communication to me quite seriously.
Post # 8
I agree with MrsWBS you should talk to her and forego the texts. Maybe she thinks it’ll be cheaper for you to buy a store dress. Either way she should smile and accept whatever dress you choose however you choose it.
Post # 9
@lifegirl: I have discussed with her the budget for the dress and she knows all about the prices of the custom orders, so it’s not that.
Post # 10
Custom made would make me think more $$$ than off the rack.
Post # 11
Maybe she is assuming that the custom made dress would be more expensive and she is just saying that the shop dress would be good enough for her (ie that she doesn’t expect you to spend a fortune). I agree with the others, text messages are so hard to decipher.
Post # 12
Are you sure she doesn’t have a problem with a knock off dress on principle.
Call her and discuss this issue. Everyone thinks that they are good are reading other peoples tone in texts and emails, but research suggests that people are actually quite poor at it.
Post # 13
She knows what my budget is and she knows how much these things cost online. I think I’m going to text her back and reiterate my wishes (politely, lol).
Post # 14
I don’t think its rude at all. I think she’s just saying a custom dress would be too much hassle (time-wise maybe for her) and more that it would be too much hassle and money for you to pay!
I’m sure if you both hated everything at the store shed say fine to the custom, but i think shes just trying to make things simpler.
Post # 15
Agree with @Glasgowbound: she is probably thinking that Custom Made means EXPENSIVE
Lots of people think that… not many realize (unless they are Wedding Planning) that the knock-off Bridal Shops in China are uber cheap vs the rest of the world. I myself was blown away by the incredible price difference.
Combine that with this all being by text (people need to talk more… COMMUNICATION is critical to Wedding Planning and lack of misunderstandings that make things a zillion times worse) and it is quite understandable that perhaps the two of you aren’t on the same page.
Make a point of TALKING to people when you are Wedding Planning, then you can hear / see tone or facial expressions that the written word CANNOT convey. EVER
It will save you a ton of headaches.
Hope this helps,
PS… By The Way, this wasn’t an Etiquette Question. Just a Question on how to get along with a Bridesmaid, the key is communication.
(IF you haven’t you guys need to have a long heart to heart about what each of you will be responsible for / expectations / commitments / finances etc… THAT WOULD BE ETIQUETTE)
Post # 16
@This Time Round: She knows the budget and how much this costs. I’ve told her everything about Jasmines in length and great detail, haha. This girl works two jobs, I’ve seen her maybe twice in as many months, so some textual communication has to happen. Especially as I want to order her dress in a week or two.
I’m sorry I put in here, I just wasn’t sure which category would be correct.