I have been there before. with someone I considered my best friend – we’ll call her D. When it all came to a head, she apologized to me and I forgave D. For a while, I tried to continue with things as they had been – but after a while I realized I was the only one trying to reach out. So, I decided I would stop trying and see if she put in any effort.
She didn’t. So, the friendship died.
Later she ended up cheating on her husband with my other best friend’s (call her V) boyfriend. D and the cheating boyfriend ended up moving in together and getting engaged – although they are on the outs now. The boyfriend (also a friend of mine) tried to get me to be friends with D again, telling me how much she needs a good friend like me, and how he wishes I could be there for her. I fully admit to having a hero complex, and a strong urge to help people.
I wanted to help her, just like I wanted to when we first met and I found out what a hard life D had, but she had hurt me so deeply that I felt hesitant. It was hard because I remember the time when D was the person I would have done anything for, and who I thought would do anything for me.
A few days after this conversation with the boyfriend, D herself sent me a message on Facebook apologizing and asking forgiveness. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I talked to my Mom. My Mom is normally very soft and forgiving.
I was very surprised when she said this: “If you really want to be friends with D again then do it. But know that she is not allowed to set foot in this house. I don’t want people in my home who treat my children the way she treated you. I don’t care if she’s changed. She is not welcome here.”
In the end I decided it wasn’t worth it. I just didn’t respond to the message. I guess I could have, but I already forgave her in the beginning. I didn’t need to do it again. I already have a life full of good people who love me, friends who really care, and being friends with her would cause tension with V who she also betrayed. Maybe she needs me, but I don’t need her – and sometimes you have to think about yourself.
I like to think that people can change, but they have to go through extreme circumstances to arrive at those changes.