Post # 1
Okay so.. I have someone close to me that is in a hard situation. She met this guy, they got engaged after knowing each other/dating for 3 weeks. Maybe 2 weeks after that, she got pregnant. So, now she is planning on getting married before the baby comes, but they will have to have a JOP wedding, since they haven’t saved/ planned. She told me before that she really wanted to have an actual wedding instead of JOP, but I think she feels like she *has* to get married before the baby comes. Even though, they’ve only been together about 10 months.
I know it’s really not any of my business, but since she has said before that she doesn’t want a JOP wedding, I’m just afraid she’s got to regret doing that. I’ve tried talking to her about it before, but she’s recently talked about a JOP wedding. I even offered up all of my vases, table runners, etc to her for free if she wanted to use them.
So, would you think it was necessary to get married before the baby is born? or would you just wait and have a wedding later on?
Post # 3
Some people want to be married when the baby arrives, it actually makes a lot of sense. If that is important to her then she should be married, no questions asked.
Post # 4
I would wait! I would never never never want to be pregnant at my wedding! But thats just me, Ive been planning my dream day for my whole life and would wwait a bit longer to see it come around
Post # 5
No, I would not. But I would also never dream of accepting a proposal from someone I had only dated for a few weeks. If anything, a man who asked me to marry him in such a short period of time would lead me to probably stop answering his phone calls.
Post # 6
Being married is not a requirement to have babies, and being married won’t solve the underlying factors of a relationship if they exist.
“Even though, they’ve only been together about 10 months.”
I got married after being with a man for 9 months. My husband and I started dating in March. He proposed in October. We were married in December. Age of a relationship means nothing.
Post # 7
@Hyperventilate: In some cases, I would agree. I “knew” I’d marry Darling Husband not long into our relationship. But she expressed to me when she got engaged that she was nervous because she didn’t really know him yet. From the way she’s talked to me about it, it just seems like she feels obligated to get married before the baby comes, not really that she wants to get married first.
Post # 8
Darling Husband and I were planning on getting married June 8, 2013 and we found out we were pregnant and moved the date UP to December 30, 2012. We ended up miscarrying, but went ahead with the wedding anyway (because we love each other and were planning on marriage anyway, so why wait?)
However, I would never get married to someone just because I was pregnant. If I hadn’t been planning already with Darling Husband for a wedding, I wouldn’t have started just to be married before having the baby.
Post # 9
@roweboat: I misunderstood your question at first. I thought you were asking is pregnancy a good reason to marry someone that you otherwise would not be marrying. My answer to that would be no, of course not. But it seems like you’re actually asking about people who planned on marrying anyway. If you were already engaged to the person, and discovered you were pregnant, is that a good reason to get married sooner rather than later. My answer to that is yes. If you are planning to marry anyway, and if it is important to you to be married when the baby is born, it is perfectly valid and understandable that you would decide to have a quick JOP marriage. That makes much more sense to me than putting it off so you can have a fancier party.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Op, I’m sorry about your friend. That’s a tough situation to be in and it hope it works out. I would ask her once if she’s *sure* she wants to marry this guy right away, as it’d be so much harder to break up if it doesn’t work out. Of course age of a relationship does mean something, and you’re right to be wary. But if she’s sure, just support her however you can…
Post # 11
@lolot: I’m really trying to be supportive of her, cause she is such a special person to me. I guess that’s why I worry, too. She has a little boy with another guy that ended up leaving her, and I hated seeing her deal with that pain and having to raise him on her own. I just hope this guy stands by his word. I’ve had a couple of heart-to-hearts with her, and I’m 99% sure that she would rather have an actual wedding instead of JOP. I just think she is concerned that this guy may run off like the first one did, and that marrying him before the baby is born will make her feel more secure. I just don’t think that’s the right reason to get married. :-
Post # 12
@roweboat: how old is she?
Post # 13
Yes, I’d have a legal ceremony before and go on with a larger wedding celebration later – I know a few people that have done this.
Post # 15
Well, as a pp said there are two different issues, one is someone.getting married because they got pregnant and the other is getting married sooner because they got pregnant. I have a friend who got married because she already had a kid and got pregnant with this guy but he decided he didn’t want to be a daddy and left. Had they not been pregnant they wouldn’t have gotten married and that was a poor plan on their part. I think if a couple was already planning Om marrying but greys pregnant and moves up that date that makes sense. Plus I don’t find it wise to spend a large amount of money on a fancy wedding when you have a baby on the way unless you are very co comfortable and have a lot of savings.
Post # 16
Nope, Darling Husband and I had an unplanned pregnancy after a year of dating and we didn’t even get engaged until she was 1 1/2 years because we wanted to get married because of our relationship, not because of the baby.
Plus, I really can’t testify that there would have been any advantages to being married before having Dirty Delete.