- 5 years ago
I used to use this site when I was engaged but had not been back since I broke up with my ex. I have always found that you guys give such great advice, so I am back again hoping for some.
My ex and I broke up around a year ago, 2 months prior to our wedding. Having to cancel my wedding was the most awful thing I had to go through, especially because the reason we broke up is because he was sleeping with his ex girlfriend. It was very hard for me to trust guys after that experience, but I have dated a bit and have always tried to keep an open mind and not let what happened with my ex ruin it for other guys.
That being said, I feel like I may have rushed to judgment too quickly based on what happened with my ex.
Right after Christmas 2014 I met this guy in, of all places, the grocery store. We started talking and discovered we had a lot in common. He asked for my phone number and a couple of days later we went out on a date. I found out that he used to work with my friend’s sister.
The first date went great so we went on a second the following week, then a third, then a fourth. On the fourth date we started talking about past relationships and that’s when I told him about my ex. He told me somthing similar had happened to him, that he broke up with a girl he thought he was going to marry (he had bought a ring but hadn’t proposed) because she too cheated with her ex. Not that I wanted anyone to go through that experience, but knowing he knew where I was coming from made me feel good.
At this point we never said anything about being exclusive (way too early for that!) nor had we slept together. We were going out having a great time and it seemed like he really liked me.
Then he just stopped calling. I couldn’t figure it out! I was afraid I was “that girl” with too much baggage. I never pushed him for anything; he called me and we talked every day. After a couple of days I left him a message that I hope everything is OK and I would love to talk soon.
He called a couple of days later apologizing, that he had done something terrible. He said one night he was playing poker with a bunch of his guy friends and he had quite a bit to drink. Several of the guys’ girlfriends showed up later and with them was his ex. One thing led to another and he went to his ex’s apartment and spent the night. As soon as he woke the next morning he realized what he had done. He was able to get a ride from one of his friends who told him that she told the guys that she would give him a ride home. He said he never would have slept with her had he not been drinking.
He said he couldn’t face me knowing he had done that. I was shocked and obviously hurt, but since we weren’t “exclusive”, what could I do? I told him that it doesn’t seem like he is over her and maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore. That’s where I think I overreacted.
A couple of weeks ago he ran into my friend’s sister. He asked how I was doing and my friend’s sister said she hadn’t seen me in a while (which was true) but she was going to see me the following week. He told her what had happened and that he felt terrible about it but he thought of me often and would love to talk to me again, if I was willing to. He also said he had wanted to call me several times but always chickened out. She took his number and said she would mention it the next time she saw me. She instead called me that night and told me she ran into him.
My friend is getting married so we went out looking for bridesmaid dresses and her sister came with. She told me more of what he said and I could not believe he actually still thought of me. I asked what happened to the ex girlfriend and she said he told her he never should have trusted her, regretted what happened and has had no contact with her since that night. She said he really is a nice guy that just made a bad decision one night.
I took the number and have been holding onto it for a little over a week. Part of me wants to call him and give another chance since we did get along so well and I don’t feel like he cheated on me since we had only known each other a short time, and the other part of me says forget about him and keep looking.
What would you do?