(Closed) Would you go?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you attend the wedding?
    Yes : (4 votes)
    5 %
    No : (79 votes)
    95 %
  • Post # 3
    4355 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    100% no. You haven’t been invited, or even talked to about ANY other wedding events AND you’re getting the invite after the RSVP deadline? Either she invited you on the spot or you were always part of her B list invites. Whichever the reason, I wouldn’t go.

    Post # 4
    1736 posts
    Bumble bee

    You are under no obligation to go regardless of the circumstances (given what you’ve described – it sounds like the invitation was sent as an after-thought). It’s nice that she’s inviting you, but you are (by your own admission) aquaintances not friends. You should send a card (it is very generous that you will also send a gift – I saw your update) that thanks them for the invite and wishes them all the best.

    Post # 5
    602 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    i think you’ve already made your mind up that you don’t want to go.  It seems a bit odd to not include you in any of the run up but bump into you and then expect you to go to her wedding and drop cash you don’t have on a girft etc?

    I would probably send her a nice wedding card and a small girft with your apologies you can’t make it.

    How do you feel about it deep down?

    Post # 7
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    You don’t just “forget to send an invite”. Everyone who I’ve ever known to get married has a guest list that they work off of when sending out their invitations. You obviously weren’t on said guest list which is why you weren’t invited. I agree with you, it sounds like a pity invite. She obviously wasn’t thinking of you when she initially sent out her invites but now she’s extending an invitation because she more than likely got a few declines. If the wedding was local and you had nothing better to do then I’d probably go just for the free booze and entertainment but given the circumstances (being a pain in the ass for you), no, I wouldn’t go. 

    Post # 8
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @berybery: I wouldn’t go either, but because of the reasons you gave (distance, you don’t want to to, etc).  I would decline and send a gift.

    I wouldn’t assume that it was pity invite, however.  It’s possible that she thought that you’d have a great time, you guys get along, and she wants to have a great party with fun people.  The first wedding I went to as an adult was for a good friend.  I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man and expressed surprise at some of the people she had chosen to invite.  They weren’t close friends…more like extended friend lists.  She explained that her FI’s family was so big and didn’t drink or really dance.  She wanted a kick ass party.  She invited people who she knew would add to the party atmosphere and, as they wanted to keep their guest even, would smooth out her side.  She wanted to have people there that she had fun with.

    She definitely threw one of the best parties/weddings I’ve ever been to and this was many moons ago.

    It’s possible your friend has the same attitude.

    Post # 9
    5075 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    no.  If they wanted me there, they would have sent me an invitation.

    Post # 10
    3886 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    IF you were to get an invite, I’d make my decision based on the logistics, and your feelings towards the bride/groom, not on any feelings over the timing on the invite. Basically don’t infer from the way things went down that you were a “pity invite” or she is covering herself for blabbing too much about wedding events, or any slight you may feel from assuming since RSVP’s are back, you’re automatically on the B-list.

    There are all sorts of decisions being made when guest lists are drawn up and without knowing who’s paying, how many the venue can fit, who are the “must have” guests (meaning Great Aunt Maude and her 12 kids who MUST be invited because Daddy is paying… you know… stuff like that).  And it is really quite possible to legitimately forget. Who knows. Just let that part of it go because you’ll never truly know why things played out like they did. 

    Just be happy to have been invited at all (assuming of course there’s an invite on its way) and make your decision on all those other things, the same way you’d have made your decision if the invite had come 4 months ago.

    Post # 11
    4194 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    Here’s your answer- ” I haven’t been invited to anything wedding related – nor do I want to be, truthfully.” Send a nice gift card, and you’re good. And don’t feel that you have to reciprocate with an invitation to your wedding.

    Post # 13
    1048 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013


    Post # 15
    1252 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    As far as being invited to pre-wedding events, I did not invite 100% of the female guests to wedding events like showers, so I don’t think that should factor into the decision.  However, “forgetting” to send you an invite means that you definitely weren’t on the “A List” – which wouldn’t bother me, personally, since I know I had to make tough decisions about guests.  If money was no object I would have loved to invite people that I am not close friends with (as in we don’t chat on the phone or go out frequently) but who I enjoy hanging out with when I run into them at parties.  So maybe she likes you and thinks you are fun, and after the RSVPs came in she has some room and would love to have you there.  If you would have fun going, then why not? 

    Post # 16
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @berybery:  I get that.  I’d feel awkward too… My opinion also only stands if she actually sends you an invite.  At this point, you have nothing to worry about because you haven’t been invited.  🙂  

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