(Closed) Would you go through the wedding but not get married?

posted 8 years ago in Money
  • poll: Would you go through the ceremony/wedding and then just not turn in the license?
    Yes : (26 votes)
    30 %
    No : (58 votes)
    67 %
    Other, explain below : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    858 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I said yes, because you can always get a license in a year or so like you said, and this way you won’t have that extra money stress. Good plan. 🙂

    Post # 4
    8353 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I think you should check into it more. I could be wrong, but I think you would still qualify for the first time buyer program, even if you were married. He would be the primary and you would be the secondary on the account. When we purchased our home, I was not a first time home buyer, but my Fiance was, so they put me as the secondary. If you are purchasing a home together, even if you aren’t married, they would still take you into consideration because of your income and you would also want to be on the paperwork.

    EDIT: We purchased our home 10 years ago, so the rules might be different, but I would do some research on it, if I were you.

    Post # 5
    505 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    We went back and forth about the benefits of not marrying due to financial reasons.  Since we are single and we have kids, our tax returns are pretty nice every year.  We were afraid that once we got married, that would be diminished due to our incomes being combined and we would lose our earned income credit which accounts for about $3500 of our tax return.  We had talked about what you mentioned, not turning in a marriage license, but ultimately decided that in that case we would be choosing money over God.  We are Christian and have spent the last couple of years trying to turn our lives in the right direction in that respect, and we bit the bullet and got legally married as God would have it.  You might look into what the interest rate might be if you do get married, maybe the difference wouldn’t be that much.  For example, maybe his first time homebuyers rate is 4%, but if you are married maybe you can still get an interest rate of 5.5% or something.

    Post # 6
    3316 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    If you don’t want to be married when he buys, I would postpone the wedding.  Inviting family and friends to a wedding, but not being legally married after it, seems quite dishonest.

    Post # 8
    14494 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @Talishazwi:  But what are the other benefits of getting married, is there places you can save money by getting married.  Insurance, investments, life insurance, car insurance, taxes, etc?  I would count those into your equation.  Also, there is the protection of being married if something should happen to one of you.  You should call a loan expert, I qualify for a FTB just last month.  I have been legally married for several months and we are having our “wedding” next year.

    Post # 9
    8353 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2011

    @Talishazwi: You could talk to a lender about it. It doesn’t mean you have to go through that lender; just ask them if you would qualify.

    Post # 10
    223 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011


    According to HUD, if a couple is married but one of them qualifies as a first time buyer (not owned a property in last 3 years), then they are both considered first time buyers.  So there should be no problem qualifying for an FHA loan.  

    Additionally, as a married couple it may improve your exemption from taxable income (depending on how much you make). Your best bet would be to talk to an FHA loan officer for clarification.  I would also recommend talking to a regular (bank) loan officer as there are pros and cons to an FHA loan. 

    But to answer your question….it’s your life and if you and Fiance are on the same page, then do what you need to do and don’t let everyone else’s expectations guide your decision.

    Good luck!

    Post # 12
    7052 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Call your realtor and ask.  Worst case is the home goes in his name and he is the only one on the contract.

    You can always have that changed later.   

    Post # 13
    10366 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @aubrav: In places where houses cost an arm and a leg (ie NOT KY), 1.5% is a huge sum of money. For example, a 2-bedroom CONDO with no parking and no extra storage *starts* at $380,000 where I live. You want a detached house? You’re talking over $1 million.


    @OP: this actually sounds like a smart financial move. But, it sounds like there’s a shot at you guys qualifying even if you are married, so i’d go for that if possible!

    Post # 14
    9053 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    We actually went in to talk about this with our bank yesterday (in Canada, mind you).  Even if I was married, I was able to be a first time home buyer.  Unfortunately I couldn’t get approved for enough to afford what we want by myself (which is something to keep in mind), but if we both were on the mortgage, we’d still be able to get half the benefits.

    Post # 15
    995 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    This post just reminded me that I have never sent in our marriage license or whatever needs to be sent away. WOW! Procrastinate much? Thanks for the reminder! So as someone who has been married over a year (but maybe not officially?) I still feel, and still am, married. I say go with whatever saves you the most cash.

    Post # 16
    1641 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I know minimal about purchasing a home, but what if the home is just under his name only?

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