- 3 years ago
Would go to a friends wedding regardless of cost?
Would go to a friends wedding regardless of cost?
If making it to a wedding would put me in debt, mean not being able to pay my rent, or mean having to feed my hypothetical children hot dogs for a month, of course not. And I would think a best friend would be completely understanding of that.
Wow, that’s awfully bitter now, isn’t it?
No, if I can’t afford to attend a friend’s wedding, then I won’t go. I’m not going to hold it against them or think passive aggresive thoughts about how they should have held something that was more convenient for ME than what THEY actually wanted to do. Pretty much every destination couple out there aren’t delusional and realizes that because of their chosen venue, a lot of guests may not be able to make it. That’s just the way it is. It’s a give and take and I don’t see the bride and groom getting all uppity about it, so why is the author?
I believe that if you’re planning a destination wedding, be comfortable with you and your fiance being the only ones, and count anyone else as a bonus.
I’m a firm believer that anyone who is in love is entitled to a wedding. That doesn’t mean that their friends and family are automatically required to spend their hard-earned money for someone else’s special day. They’re also entitled to their own lives.
Of course she is exagerating a bit to make her point, but I agree with her premise. Why should I spend a small fortune and use my annual vacation time to attend your wedding?
The only people who spend less when they have a destination wedding are the bride and groom. If they married at home, they would likely have a larger number of guests and the associated costs. By choosing a destination wedding their flights and accomodation are basically the same as a honeymoon would be, and their reception cost is way less because the number of people who can attend is much smaller.
It is not necessarily true that destination weddings cost less for the bride and groom. My wedding is not at an all inclusive resort, and we are providing meals, tours, and other activities for guests over the course of four days. That is a huge part of the budget, but I figure I want to make the experience special for people who are traveling all that way to celebrate with me. I am also expressly telling guests that we appreciate the gesture but do not wish to receive gifts – I don’t have a registry. We are honeymooning halfway across the world from the wedding destination – so no savings there either.
Regardless, no one is obligated to attend, and I completely understand that people will not make it for a variety of reasons.
I’m not a big fan of weddings, in general, and made a statement 4 years ago that I would not fly, to attend a wedding, except for my 2 daughters (both ended up marrying within a 1.5 hour drive of home). That was in response to an invitation to a non-close niece’s wedding, where I would have had to share a plane ride, hotel, and car all weekend, with my mother in law (enough said!). However, I would have made a special exception if Prince William and Duchess Kate had sent me an invitation.
A friend of mine decided to get married in Las Vegas. For both myself and then H to attend, it was going to cost over £2000. I just couldn’t justify that kind of expenditure…and we didn’t have the money, anyway! Sadly my friendship with her has never been the same since, but I don’t regret the decision.
I went to India for a wedding once (from the US). That was expensive, but I turned in into a 2 week vacation, so it wasn’t just about the wedding. If the destination is cool and I’ve got the cash, why not? I wouldn’t go into debt, though.
Ap2010: DH and I are going to a wedding, that in hindsight, we probably shouldn’t be. When I agreed to be a bridesmaid, plane tickets were cheaper, DH dragged his heels with vacation request & deciding the vacation portion of our trip and the tickets ended up costing us about $1000 more than expected. On top of that, hotels in our chosen vacation spot are a little more than anticipated as well.
We’re still going, but it’s causing me some stress as I feel bad for putting the strain on our finances.
I missed one of my best friends weddings this year because it was destination and I couldn’t afford it… he was disappointed but understood. When depostis were due I didn’t have it, then SO and I went on a vacation that cost almost as much as the trip…. Crappy I didn’t have the money in time.
I skipped one good friend’s wedding when I was in school (she got married in the Canary Islands, would have been flying from Canada). I’m still bummed I missed it, but there was absolutely no way I could afford it, and I’m not going to go into debt to attend someones wedding. She understood, and it really didn’t impact our friendship.
This year I’m going to Jamaica to attend a DW. It’s not the hotel or time of year I’d have chosen to travel, but I can reasonably afford it, and it’s a good friend of FI.
I get very little vacation time, which I like to use at Christmas and during my one vacation every year.
I have declined every destination wedding I have ever been invited to where I’d have to take off more than one day.
The one exception is DH’s brother’s wedding, which was in Ireland, but they live in Ireland so we got to combine that with a trip to see his family. Not really “destination” per se.
I totally appreciate the lure of a vacation/wedding combo, I just can’t do it, and I always assume that people having destination weddings understand that people might not be able to take the time off/have the money to go. I’m never offended when someone chooses to have one, and I assume they aren’t offended when I decline.
DH and I are saving up for a big move/TTC, and that trumps pretty much anyone’s wedding (our siblings will all be married after Nov 1st, and that’s the one place we’d splurge on)
For me, it would depend on the person (and our relationship) and whether I could scrape up enough money or if were actually impossible to get the money at all. I wouldn’t go into debt, but if it were a very close friend, I’d do everything else in my power to make it work out.
I think people need to understand that if it’s impossible, it’s not a statement on the friendship – luckily many people do understand the demands of life (like restricted vacation time or financial responsibilities).
Ap2010: Absolutely not. I will attend a wedding within limits. I am not going to put myself in debt to attend a wedding, especially because as a guest it’s not always as if you see or interact with the bride and groom very much. If it was a friend, and her dream wedding was to get married on a beach in Fiji, that’s fine. You do you girlfriend, I certainly won’t hold it against you, but I will not be able to attend. I have other things going on in my life and dropping thousands to attend to your wedding is simply not in the cards.
FI and I are getting married where we live, but 90% of my family lives out of state and would have to travel three thousand miles to attend. I completely understand that that is a major expense and I am more than understanding for those who can’t attned–which is why I’m also having wedding related events in my hometown, so family who can’t attend the wedding can still attend these events and not feel 100% left out of the wedding.