Post # 1
…even if you weren’t a bridesmaid?
The thread on bachelorette party expenses got me thinking…
In a couple weeks, I’m heading to a friend’s bachelorette party, which is out of town for me, though not for the bride or most the other invitees (I would guess). The thing is, I’m not a bridesmaid, though dh is a groomsman. I wasn’t surprised or hurt that the bride didn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid–she wasn’t one of mine, though her fi was our best man–but now that I’m making plans to come, I just feel a little awkward that I’m spending an extra $100 just to be there on top of the costs for the night, plus spending about 8 hours on a train there and back, and I’m “just” a guest. It’s not a small bridal party either–there are 7 or 8 bridesmaids, and there will only be like 12 people total at the bachelorette party. I’m still going to go because I already said I would, but is that above and beyond the realm of non-bm friendship?
Post # 3
how far away? and how close is my friendship with the bride?
In your situation I wouldn’t go.
Post # 4
I’m always down for a girls night out, so there’s no way I’d say no! lol
Post # 5
I would (assuming I could afford it). Of the five girls that traveled for my bachelorette only 2 were bms.
Post # 6
I would only go if I wanted to, but I would feel absolutely no obligation to go. It sounds like the invitation was as a courtesy, so you can very easily decline.
Post # 7
I would! At my bachelorette party, a couple girls traveled that weren’t bridesmaids. And they were excited to do so, it seemed. I’m planning my sister’s out of town party, and two of the girls attending are not BMs.
Post # 8
If you’re friends with her, I say go, regardless of not being a bridesmaid. My bachelorette party is going to be out of town for everyone. We’re having the shower and bachelorette on the same day in my hometown, which is right in the middle of where my extended family, and where FI’s family lives. I have a fairly small bridal party – 3 bridesmdaids (including FSIL) and 1 man of honor. I have a bunch of other good friends that are invited and I really want to go. I intentionally kept my bridal party small, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have other friends. Or that I’d want a bachelorette party with only 4 other people.
Post # 9
I’ve been to several bach parties where I was not in the bridal party and still had a blast! A bach party isn’t just for the bridal party. I say go and have a great time!
PS I have spent almost $300 on a friend’s bach party so I don’t find $100 to be bad at all. I am willing to do a lot for those I care about, otherwise I wouldn’t do it 🙂
Post # 10
If I’m good friends with this person, bm status wouldnt matter. And I’d love an excuse for a girls weekend away! $100 doesnt seem too bad, you could easily spend that even within your own town. I dont see the expense as just for the bride, its fun for me too.
Post # 11
I did. I was an “honorary” bridesmaid….I hate that term. We went to Nashville, which was 7 hours away, but I know that they would go for me!
Post # 12
Depends on how you do financially and how close you are with the bride.
I think the only out of town bachelorette party I have been to is for a friend of mine whose wedding (DW) I won’t be able to attend. So I shelled out a few hundred dollars to fly to LA and spend the weekend with the girls. That is way more than I would’ve given for anyone’s wedding. But I rarely go on vacations with girls so I treated it as a getaway.
I won’t do it if I am not close to the bride honestly. I will go to the bridal shower if they still have one but that’s about it. And you know, for a Out of Town party, usually they start off a list of 10-20 girls on the invitation list and usually wind up like 5 are going anyways. So no need to feel obligated to go if you don’t want to.
Post # 13
Yep! Doesn’t matter if I’m a Bridesmaid or Best Man or not, if the bride is a friend, I will go to her party if its OFT. Now, if I have to get on a plane, prob not. But if its a couple hours away, then def!
Post # 14
It really depends on the cost & the friend. I’m in a wedding this year and I’m not attending the bachelorette most likely because it’s way too expensive ($800-1000 pp!) and it’s Out of Town for everyone, we all live in the same city.
Post # 15
thanks for all the feedback, ladies! it’s helpful to hear all the different opinions 🙂 i was mostly looking for experiences, not necessarily advice since I’m already fairly committed to going, but it’s helping me figure out why i feel a bit awkward going in to this! i sometimes get a little anxious about social situations where I don’t know lots of people, and I’m only close to the bride and one of the bridesmaids, and don’t really know the other girls going to the party. that’s probably why i’m feeling awkward 🙂
since a couple people mentioned $– the $100, just to clarify, is just for my transportation to the city–the hotel (which i’m sharing with the in-towners as well–it’s kind of a slumber party thing!) is another $75, plus then there will be dinner, brunch, and drinks out costs. i’m guessing it’ll be at least $300 in total
the bride is a good friend–her fi and dh are besties, and the 4 of us have spent a lot of time together. i’d consider her and her fi our best “couple” friends, even though she’s not my bff, if that makes sense? we’ve gone on multiple long weekend vacations with them. i’ve never made plans with her solo, but when we all spend time together we usually ending up talking the whole time while the guys do their own thing 😉 for example, last time we all got together i ended up confiding to her that i want to start ttc–and i’ve only talked to like 1 other friend, my bff, about that. she personally told me about when the party was, about a month before the evite went out, and said she hoped i could come, so I do feel like it’s more than a courtesy invite, as someone mentioned…
@GroovyHippieChick: it’s about a 3.5-4hr train ride, plus about 20 mins on each end to get to the train station. luckily i can do work on the train–it’d cost less if I took the bus, but I can’t read in cars, and as a grad student i need to be reading basically all day long every day!
I should also add she came to my bachelorette and bridal shower, though those were in town events for her
Post # 16
I usually go becuase if I am invited then I am usually a pretty close friend of the bride. That being said I have been invited to some that I have not attended becuase it was a bad weekend for me. I say do what you think is best.