(Closed) Would You Go to Her Wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2372 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Normally I would say I wouldn’t go- she must not consider your Darling Husband as close as she is letting on, or she probably would have been at your wedding or sent a card or something.

However- if Darling Husband wants to go and catch up with his friends, I see no reason to begrudge him that just out of spite for this woman. Go, have fun, meet some of his old buddies, drink her alcohol, eat her food, and leave a nice card and a small gift.

No need to deny your Darling Husband a chance to catch up with all his friends just because this particular girl was thoughtless/careless/rude.

Post # 4
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Makena Cove

@FutureMrsCookie:  I would go. I would give them a small gift off of their registry or a $25 gift card. Unless your husband decides he wants to gift them more than his presence I think that would be appropriate.

Post # 5
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would let my hubby make the call. It’s his friend. If he wants to go, I’d go with him. And I’d give a gift because that’s the right thing to do.

Post # 6
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

If your Darling Husband wants to see his high school friends (and knows they’ll be there), you might as well go as it is his friend(s) after all.  Treat her how you would have wanted her to treat you, and know that you’re the bigger person.  At least, if it were my FI’s friends, that’s what I would do because I think he would disapprove if I acted spiteful!

Post # 7
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

eh some people are weird about these things.  who knows what her reasons were for not being more in touch or sending a card.  if your husband wants to go and it won’t be a big inconvenience, then go.  have a good time, don’t sink to her level.

Post # 8
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I say go. It’s probably not worth the potential arguement you might have with your Darling Husband when you explain why you don’t want to go (men really don’t get those kinds of etiquette things). Like others said, go for your Darling Husband and have fun with his friends and let the gift choice be up to your husband, since it is his friend.

Post # 9
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@missrobots:  +1

And I would let Darling Husband pick the gift amount, but I wouldn’t let it be nearly as much as I would give someone who is close to me who DID show up to my wedding. 

Post # 10
Member
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

From a strictly Etiquette point of view (afterall this is the ETIQUETTE BOARD) …

It isn’t appropriate to make these types of comparissons… tit-for-tat

BUT, I understand it because it is human nature.

IF Hubby wants to catch up with Friends, I’d definitely say you guys should go… and do RSVP in a timely fashion (just because she had bad manners doesn’t mean you guys should too)

Personally, if it was me… I’d get her a small gift (under $ 50) as well…

Lol, knowing full well tho that chances are good you’ll never see a Thank You Note for it.   Wink *wink*

(Unless planning her own Wedding has meant she’s seen the light… on Manners & Wedding Etiquette… only time will tell… lol, she does have afterall a year to send you that hand-written heartfelt thank you )

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 11
Member
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t see a problem. On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the worst), her transgression was a 1, maybe a 2. Yes she forgot to RSVP, but that was the worst thing she did and lots of people do this; and she gave an answer when called. If you don’t attend, sending a card is nice but optional. I’d definitely go.

As for the gift, well the cost of feeding the two of you will almost certainly outweigh any gift; and the fact she didn’t attend your wedding actually saved you money. So give whatever you normally give at a friend’s wedding.

Post # 12
Member
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

I wouldn’t be especially interested in going, but I would go if Darling Husband wants to go, and bring a reasonable gift. I am never going to show up with a sub-par gift. The appropriate response to rudeness is not rudeness in return.

Post # 13
Member
2488 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Go and take a card

Post # 14
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Since your Darling Husband wants to go, you need to support that and attend with him. He most liekly wants to show off his lovely wife. As for gift, just bring a card, maybe put something small in it I you want.

Post # 15
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@paula1248:  I completely agree. I don’t think what she did was that bad, unless there’s something here I’m not getting. She’s definitely not the first guest to have not RSVP’d on time, and she is under no obligation to send a gift/card, or make a phone call. It would be lovely if she did, and if may be your personal belief that guests should still send something in lieu of their presence at a wedding (in which case I could somewhat understand you being upset), but it’s definitely not a rule.

Post # 16
Member
9118 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.

She stiffed you, so you want to stiff her. I see that, but it doesn’t make it an appropriate social behavior.

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