Post # 1
Sorry in advance for the long family drama…
My cousin and I got engaged at the same time 8 months ago. We only see each other every few years at Thanksgiving and I don’t remember when I last saw her. She is 6 years younger and we do not talk to each other at Thanksgiving. I think I met her fiancé once.
Her wedding is 2.5 hours away from my house and I don’t want to go at all. I heard multiple times that she’s been a spoiled bitch about her very expensive wedding and I’m bitter that I had to elope because I didn’t grow up with the privileges that she did.
Then the un-vitations started coming….
** Aunt told me that cousin refuses to invite my brother’s live in Girlfriend of 7 years b/c she never met her. The comment was made BEFORE my cousin knew I was engaged so I told my aunt that cousin probably said the same thing about my FH (now DH) and my aunt only said “well you’ll be married by then”.
* Aunt extended a verbal invitation to cousin’s engagement party to me and my sister but said we really didn’t have to come because it’s only a big showy party being thrown for “no reason” by cousin’s Future In-Laws.
** Upon request, I gave my aunt my address for the Save-The-Date Cards twice, but never received one and the wedding is in October. Aunt also pointed out that my sister got a STD but my brother and I did not b/c they didn’t have our addresses. Apparently, they couldn’t make a phone call to get them. I asked aunt if she needed spelling of DH’s name and she hesitated and said “yeah, I guess”.
** An invitation to cousin’s bridal shower came to my house but it was addressed to MY SISTER. I didn’t open it but saw my cousin’s name through the envelope and assumed it was for the shower. I did not recognize the return address and didn’t want to call my sister about it so I just put “return to sender – does not live here” on the envelope.
I still haven’t officially been invited to the shower or the wedding but I’m expecting to be so I’m wondering what I should do. I’m not sure if they are basically saying “we don’t want you there” or if it’s just a shitty coincidence and I’m letting my bitterness about my own lackluster wedding get the better of me. Your comments are much appreciated!
Post # 3
You barely know her; and she hasn’t sent you an invite. As of right now, I wouldn’t plan on going, especially since you don’t want to.
Post # 4
Maybe I didnt read your post close enough, but I guess I dont understand why you would go to either event OR send a gift! (especially if you arent invited!)
Post # 5
Don’t go to anything, send one gift for everything. She’s practically a stranger, why bother doing anything more?
Post # 6
@red_rose: I am positive that I am going to be invited to both. Whether or not they invite Darling Husband to the wedding is a different story. Sorry I just realized that the poll is confusing, I am asking this: If I decline both the shower and the wedding do I send a gift for just the wedding? And if I attend just one of the two, do I only have to give a gift for the one that I actually attended? I thought that you always give a gift regardless if you attend but I’m not sure in this situation.
Post # 7
Wait for an invite. Don’t go if you don’t get one. Go if you do. I do think you’re being overly bitter and a bit drama-queen though. So just forget about it. If an invite comes great, if not great. Really it’s not worth this stress.
Post # 8
@mseagles: If they don’t invite your Darling Husband, don’t go. You will be mad at yourself if you do.
As for gifts, it’s polite and gracious to send one but never necessary. If you feel it’s necessary, I would only send a wedding gift.
Post # 9
I think you need to add to the poll – don’t go and don’t send a gift.
Why on earth if you haven’t even been sent an invite to either would you send anything?
Post # 10
IF you get invited I would decline. Its not like you are excited to go to anyway and I dont think your cousin will be that sad if you dont show up. If it is really killing you to send something send a crap $25 dollar gift and call it a day. I wouldnt send anything though. You’re just doing it to be nice, but will they even notice with all the gifts they get?
Post # 11
@mseagles: “An invitation to cousin’s bridal shower came to my house but it was addressed to MY SISTER. I didn’t open it but saw my cousin’s name through the envelope and assumed it was for the shower. I did not recognize the return address and didn’t want to call my sister about it so I just put “return to sender – does not live here” on the envelope.”
That was being deliberately being difficult. How hard was it to send it to your sister?
I would not attend the shower (too far) but I would attend the wedding if I got an invite.