(Closed) Would you have a child out of wedlock?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 91
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

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CurlyCue:  Honestly? I prefer ‘child’ 

  • This reply was modified 6 years ago by  Taiki.
Post # 93
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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Taiki:  nice 😉

Post # 95
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It is not for ME… What other people decide to do is their own business. I wished to be married before having a child, and was, and will be again. I am old-fashioned that way. If I am good enough to impregnate, I am good enough to marry. The world is a different place than it once was, and people can make their own decisions. In my experience, the men are hesitant to marry and usually the women are willing and desire to be married. It is also women who tend to make compromises on things. Marriage is a dealbreaker for me, though. I do not follow other people nor do I care if they do things differently than I do. 

Post # 96
Member
77 posts
Worker bee

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weepingbride2b:  I personally have a beautiful son, and me and my future husband are wonderful parents will be getting married next month a marriage certificate doesnt make a “good foundation to start a family”,  we were commited to each other before we had a child!  So choose your words wisely! Because that can be a little offensive and disrespectful to awesome unmarried couples with children!

Post # 97
Member
2087 posts
Buzzing bee

I wouldn’t choose it for myself, but if for some reason I ended up pregnant before I was married I would have it, because I much prefer the idea of a child out of wedlock to that of the “shotgun wedding.”

All of my nieces and nephews were born out of wedlock and so were my sisters, so I don’t judge it, but if I have the choice I’d rather be married first

Post # 98
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t believe in having children out of wedlock. That is how I was raised. I knew that I’d wait until marriage before having children. But, other’s are different and that’s fine. I truly believe that there is nothing wrong with having children out of wedlock as long as you’re educated, have a good stable job and a stable relationship. Most people nowadays don’t have a stable relationship, job or even an education. So, without stability they have tons of trials and tribulation when they have children out of wedlock. As for your sister’s case, at 40 years old I believe she is old enough to make her own decision as well as the best decision for her. Also, since she is in her 40’s her reproductive years might be limited. So, in her case I think that her having a child out of wedlock is understandable. I wish her luck!

Post # 99
Member
7265 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I personally would not have kids intentionally without being married. If an accident happened, I’d deal with it. That being said, in this day and age with SO MANY options for birth control and all the knowledge we have I still can’t understand how so many accidents happen? I know a million stories of people who say their BC failed (mainly because they weren’t taking it properly). Call it judgemental, but I can’t help but feel like if you can’t manage to responsibly take your BC are you responible enough to have a baby? My own BFF had an accident pregnancy when we were in college. She and her Boyfriend or Best Friend got married and went on to have another child and are still together and happy. I love her kids dearly and while I 100% supported her (and really was the only friend to remain close with her) I still had a moment of “WTF how did you manage to let this happen?”.

At the end of the day, I could really care less what other people choose to do – so long as their decision doesn’t effect me and I”m not the one paying for it.

Post # 100
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

I have a 2 year old. And I’m not married. Actually in a beautiful relationship with a guy who more her dad than her dad is and was. I don’t think being married or unmarried changes anything though. 

Post # 101
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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MRS-K:  Would I make the concious decision to have a baby before marriage? Probably not. Would I have a baby before marriage if the pregnancy was unplanned? Yes. I am fiercely pro-choice, but I don’t think I would ever have an abortion myself (I like that I have options though).

I don’t think there is anything wrong with what your sister is considering. She and her Boyfriend or Best Friend have known one another an extended period of time and are on the older side to be considering having children. The sooner they start trying the sooner they will either get pregnant or realize they may need a bit of assistance. Could they have a civil ceremony first? Sure, if that’s what they want. And if not it won’t mean they won’t make great parents.

Post # 102
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I have 2 <3 they are just as loved and cherished as if we were married. We also own our home together and both have great careers. The wedding just wasn’t the most important thing to us. 

Post # 103
Member
3658 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

“Out of wedlock” as your question is posed says nothing about the committment from the father toward his children.

Theoretically, sure, parents can be committed to their children without being married. Without even living together. Hell, without even living within the same state or country.

But I see all of those situations as being progressively “less-than” marriage-with-children.  In my mind, a good father will step up to embrace all of the legal protections he can take advantage of because a “good” father is also a “smart” father. He is practical. He understands his financial and legal repsonsibilities, and he understands that marriage while not solely defining the legal relationship with his children, surely makes it stronger. He’s in their life and is registered as such at the courthouse.

Supposedly the Bradgelina offspring were crazy happy when their parents got hitched. Why is that important to kids? Don’t know, ask the bradgelinas, they probably have good insight into the kiddie mind on this one.

While I think its perfectly fine if two adult humans live together all of their lives without marriage, I think it’s fine only if one of them isn’t fooling themselves. All too often one in the couple really does want the official marriage status and has simply “settled” for a less-than relationship. That’s sad to think that someone (most often the woman ?) gave up her asperations to settle for a “less-than” situation because hey, she got herself a man, never mind that he doens’t value what she values.

And when a mom has children without being married and she wants to get married, she’s taught her daughters that  it is OK to live your life with a man who doesn’t value what you value, give up your dreams for that! It’s all ok!

For the few couples, and yes I think they really ARE few, who consider a committed relationship to be a “more-than”  legally sanctioned marriage, that is cool, I can see that theoretically. By this I mean that some couples consider relationship maintenance to be an active, daily pledge and that “piece of apper” to be pedestrian, or even destrcutive because it encourages taking the relationship for granted.

But–I woud also admire that couple if they relaxed their high standard and got married “for the sake of the children” because again, those Bradgelina kids with their jet setting lifestyles and bezillionz of dollars just wanted want others kdis have: comitted, married parents. It’s not that difficult to do, and if it IS that difficult, I would wonder aobut having a baby with a man who found it difficult to get married.

Post # 104
Member
5362 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

I wouldn’t do it in this sitaution personally. However, if I were to get pregnant right now (like I did in my dream lastnight) I would be okay with it. We have been together for 5 years, lived together for 3, engaged and getting married in about a year and a half. 

Post # 105
Member
1378 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

I adopted my daughters as a single parent.  Fortunately CPS felt family was best since their parents are my brother and his ex wife.  My oldest was 4 months when I got her and my youngest was 3 weeks when I got her.  They are now 5 for my youngest and in just a few days my oldest will 7.  Proud momma!

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