(Closed) Would you have kids sooner so you can be a younger parent/grandparent?

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
Post # 31
Member
5224 posts
Bee Keeper

I had my daughter at 19. It wasn’t an ideal situation for sure, but I don’t regret a thing! I am looking forward to being a young Grandma. I always wanted more kids, but it just wasn’t in the cards for me. My daughter is 17 now, so there is a chance I could be a Grandma before I’m 50. I feel like I am blessed to have my daughter, and I enjoy us being close in age. I really hope I get lots of grandbabies(like, I hope her Mr. Right is a millionaire and they want 5 kids )!

Post # 32
Member
7059 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Meant2Bee:  I think you should have kids whenever you’re read and not worry about a timeline. I always wanted to have kids young. I always envisioned that I’d be having kids (or even done having them) by 25. But life happens. I’m 29, Darling Husband is 32, and still no kids. I’ve had baby fever for years but the time just wasn’t right. Almost all of my friends are done having kids. My parents are still relatively young (had me when my mom was 26) and so I hope that my kids will get the same relationship I had with my grandparents.

Post # 33
Member
5365 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

I can completely understand your reasoning. I don’t think it’s a bad idea at all.

My mom was 31 and my dad was 34 when I was born. My mom’s parents were 22 when they had her and my dad’s mom was 19 when he was born. I’m now 22 and both of my parent’s have passed away. My mom died when I was 11 and my dad died when I was 16. My FI’s mom also passed away when he was 17 so our kids will be left with 1 biological grandparent and he’s not that great. Thankfully our kids will have my FI’s stepdad and his wife (who is only 11 years older than us) as grandparents. They have a 3 year old so our kids will also have an aunt that is close in age. 

My grandma died before I was born and my grandfather passed away 2 months ago. I selfishly wish that my parents would have had be when they were younger, like 23-25, because I would have had more time with them and also my grandfather. My parents dated 10 years before they got married and had me almost 2 years after they were married, so they definitely could have had me sooner. 

We will get married right before we are 24 and plan to TTC when we are 27. That will be 10 years of us being together, but also not as long as my parents waited. In my situation I don’t think it’s that big of a deal to hurry because unfortunantly, our kids will not have grandparents anyways. I can only selfishly hope that my future children will not wait until they are 40 so that I can spend a good amount of time with my grandchildren. 

Post # 34
Member
2216 posts
Buzzing bee

Meant2Bee:  I would, but because of certain life experiences and educational goals it won’t be possible for me. However, what I think isn’t really a factor in your decision. You should do what you both think is best for your situation. There’s no right or wrong answer to something like this. It’s up to the individuals involved to determine what is right for them.

Post # 35
Member
4029 posts
Honey bee

While I think it is something to consider, you must also take into consideration that your children may chose to not to get married or have children. So making decisions based on future unknowns is no the best plan either.

I still firmly believe that you should only have children when you are ready to, whenever and whatever age that may be.

Post # 36
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

 

Meant2Bee:  No. My Fiance and I have discussed this indepth. My parents raised my saying that we want you to enjoy your youth first, before deciding to be a parents. Yes, it means that the grandparents may not be around as long for my kids, but my parents have always made it clear that they had me so that I could love and have a fully life, not to get grandkids. While I don’t have many memories of my grandmother and none of my grandfather, it had less to fo with their age and sadly both passed early due to heart disease and cancer. My grandfather on my dad’s side was around till I was 23.

So we will not be having children untill we are at least in our 30’s.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by  bassbee.
Post # 37
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 1975

Meant2Bee:  Ugh…this is one of my own personal fears. Having kids at an older age and showing up at their HS graduation ehere everyone thinks I’m their grandma. I come from a family who all had their children under 20, and I love how close we are in age. I get/got to enjoy my mom, grandm, and great-gramom because they all had their children young. Life just happens the way it’s meant to be I guess…

Post # 38
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee

I was hoping to have had both children by 30 but alas, life had different plans.

As soon as SO and I are married we will try to conceive as he is 35 (I’m 28) and I want my parents to be grandparents. SO’s sister has 2 children and I love seeing them with their grandparents and great grandparents. I only have one grandparent left and she does have 2 great grand chlidren but I would love to give her that gift if I can.

These are the driving factors in our decision, but SO’s age is definitely an influence as is my uterus which has indicated it will not comply when the time comes. So the sooner we try the better for my health and a babies.

Post # 39
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Meant2Bee: being a young grandparent isn’t something you can control.  Even if you have your children young, it doesn’t mean that they will get married and have children at a young age. My dad is sixteen years older than his younger sister, but I’m a few years younger than my aunt’s youngest child. My dad waited until his late 30s to marry, while his sister married in her early 20s.  My grandma’s alive and well at 96 and much, much closer to my aunt’s children than she is to me.  You never know what paths your children will take or the relationships you’ll have with them.

Start a family when you’re ready and don’t worry about your potential grandkids:)

Post # 40
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

Every family is different. What we wanted was to be done before age thirty. I had our third and final kiddo three months before my 30th birthday. We are very happy with our choice to have them all two-two/half years apart. At 50 all of our kids will be over 20 and we will still be plent young enough to enjoy being a couple with grown children. I look forward to traveling!

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by  keepitsimple.
Post # 41
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Either Philadelphia City Hall or a small chapel.

I personally want my first child by my mid-20’s. That’s pretty much the norm in my family unless you’re childless by choice and/or still in the dating scene. 

Post # 42
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

We wanted to wait until we were 26/27 but fate had something else for us (I am due in April). While starting a family in the late twenties was ideal for us, this does mean my grandmother (who is nearing death’s door) will get to meet her great grandchild.

Post # 43
Member
1796 posts
Buzzing bee

I want to be done having children by age 30. Ideally, I would have my first at 25 and second at 27. I just don’t have the itch to advance far in my career and travel to every country, but I do have the itch to have children! My SO doesn’t care either way. He just wants to be married for at least two years before we TTC, so we should be on track for my timeline!

Post # 44
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Meant2Bee:  Ideally, I would have met Fiance younger and enjoyed marriage for at least a few years. I will be 29 when we get married which isn’t terrible but when you watch a good friend wait 8 years to get pregnant it makes you wonder if waiting for the ideal time is worth the risk of not having kids. 

Post # 45
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Meant2Bee: No, I will not have kids sooner because I want to be a younger grandparent. Just because I have kids doesn’t mean that they can (or want to) have kids. I may never be a grandparent; it’s hard to say. 

I’ll have kids when we’re ready to have kids and if it turns out that that window has closed, then I’ll move on. I don’t judge younger parents if that’s what they want and they can TCOB.  

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