Post # 1
Darling Husband and I got married in August 2015. We never really spoke about finances (dumb I know) but he makes a lot more than me so I just assumed it was good. I knew he had a lower credit score from things before he joined the military (we are both active duty) Now bees, I have debt but I am a control freak when it comes to it. I’ve NEVER had a late payment EVER and am currently working Dave Ramseys snowball to pay off all of my debt. This led Darling Husband to tell me he wants to improve his credit so I pulled his report and OMG. There are so many things that he is past due on and several things he didn’t know about (because he is well off he set everything up on auto pay and doesn’t actually pay attention to make sure they come out)
This man has helped me SOO much. He’s probably given me thousands of dollars over the years when I was having a hard time and I appreciate him so much. I should mention our wedding, my ring and other large purchases were paid for in cash…this man is not “broke” just irresponsible
On one hand I am extremely frustrated with him because I understand poor decisions when you’re young but just not checking to see if a bill has come out for MONTHS is unacceptable but on the other side he is so giving and always willing to help me and just never really learned about credit.
I am debating either setting him up a budget and a debt snowball and just checking in with him to see how it’s going OR combining our debt snowball into one large one and helping each other. I should also mention all of these are from before we were married except for one, which he thought was coming out but he never actually set up the auto pay.
Ladies, what would you do?
This topic was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Navygirl14.
Post # 2
My husband and I are a team. His debt is my debt and vice versa. Of course I would do everything in my power to help him pay his debt.
Post # 3
I don’t know what a “snowball” is but I would definitely help my husband pay down debt. It will benefit both of you in the long run to get his credit in order.
Post # 4
Now that you’re married his debt is your debt. It sounds to me like it’s in your best interest to help one another… after taking a hard look at exactly what happened and making sure he knows how to properly handle his debts in the future.
Post # 5
When you get married their debt becomes your debt and vice versa. Thems the shakes when you get married.
You said he’s helped you lots over the years with money so I don’t understand why you wouldn’t help him now.
Post # 6
Navygirl14: Since you’re married, his debt is your debt – they’re no longer seperate. Dave Ramsey’s plan is a great one, and I would encourage you to simply roll your husband’s debt into the plan you have already established, and re-adjust priorities based on that.
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2016 - Muhlhauser Barn
i would say once you marry someone you share debt. His debt is now yours; yours is his. I know it can be frustrating but also talking about “from here on out here is how the bills should be paid or monitored…” conversation shoud happen.
Post # 8
Kaymar: Its when you set up in your budget to pay as much as you can to your lowest debt and keep doing that while paying minimum on everything else then once that is paid off you start on the next one and do so on and so on until everything is paid off.
Thank you everyone! I guess I was just being selfish because I do try so hard to keep up with things and frustrated that he hadn’t but you’re right. We are a team and we’re going to do this together.
Post # 9
Navygirl14: If I were struggling, my Darling Husband would help me, and if Darling Husband were struggling, I’d help him. I wouldn’t pay off 100% of his credit card debt, because he makes more than me, but since he’s got a lot more expenses (we’re buying a house, and he’ll be paying the bills), I have offered to pay off parts of his credit card until certain work bonuses kick in.
You need to discuss responsibility in finances, and explain to him that you’ll help him pay off his debt, but things need to change when it comes to how he spends money.
Post # 10
Navygirl14: Before we were married, and even before we were engaged, my now Husband was gifted about $20,000 from his grandmother. My Husband had all of his schooling paid for and had no debt at the time, but I paid my own way through Undergrad, and through a Master’s degree. I was in the middle of writing my dissertation and was stressed about finishing, working full time, balancing 3 loans, etc. We had been together for about 5 years at the time, and living together for 2 years – so we were partners.
Just to note – I am the breadwinner of the family. I make easily tripple what my husband does (thanks to the Master’s degree).
The man paid off one of my 3 loans with this money. It was the smallest one I had, but at a few thousand dollars, it was still significant. It was the greatest gift he could have ever given me! It was that moment that I knew that we were partners, and what is his, is mine, and vice versa. He said that he wanted to build a future with me, and eliminating one of the loans was the best investment he could make.
He also bought my engagement ring, and put half of it into a savings account for a house down the line with the rest of the cash.
So would I help my Darling Husband pay off some debt? In a heartbeat.
Post # 11
I treat my husbands debt as my own and vice versa. We are a team. I would never think of doing it differently.
Post # 12
Yes. Your debt will be his debt and vice versa.
Post # 13
Well, you could see if you can put him on a budget that would QUICKLY get rid of those debts. But if something that would take a long time with out help, then yes. I would help because his score will now impact my score.
Something my SO did for me was we moved a debt to a low interest card of his. So now, I pay it off on that card. Rather then paying off twice the interest.
Post # 14
ucsadie: Thank you. I’ve always advocated seperate accounts but I think I might ask him for a joint account just so I can make sure everything is getting paid while he gets a handle on how vigilant this is going to require him to be.
Post # 15
Navygirl14: Interesting – that sounds like a strange strategy. I would think you would pay off whatever has the highest interest rate first. At least that is what I was told when I had consumer debt.