(Closed) Would you help your son/daughter financially if they made more money than you?

posted 6 years ago in Money
  • poll: Would you give money to your son/daughter's wedding if they made more money than you?
    Yes : (63 votes)
    56 %
    No : (45 votes)
    40 %
    Other (explain below) : (4 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    14486 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I was hasty and voted no…. but if I were to think about it again, it would depend on more than just income.  If they made more AND I had little savings then no, they are more than able to fend for themselves and should be able to throw their own party.  If they currently make more BUT I had a ton in savings and my retirement portfolio is already looking awesome, then yes, I would help out.

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    10367 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I might gift them money. It might depend on how much more – are they barely scraping by and your friend making lots of money? I really consider parents paying for a wedding an unexpected bonus. We paid for over half of our wedding, with the parents contributing a little each.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2548 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Yes I would if I could. I mean if my son was a millionaire, and clearly was way better off than I was, I would offer what I could, but mostly would offer my time and efforts, and would most likely offer to throw them a celebration. But if my son made more money than I did, I would still help out where I could. Just because someone makes more money doesn’t mean they have more money. From my experience, the more money a person makes, the more they spend on mortgages, vehicles, and bills overall.

    Post # 6
    Member
    4046 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would let them pay for the wedding themselves, maybe give them a nice gift.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1866 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I voted yes, only b/c I’m in a somewhat similar situation to your friend, and it makes me a little sad. 🙁  My sister got married last year and my parents paid for her entire wedding.  I am getting married this year and they have told me they will not contribute financially.  I do make a substantial amount more than my parents and my sister, but it still makes me a little sad.  On a related note, I do think you should give the same amount to each child if you have more than one!

    Post # 8
    Member
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    i voted yes because i know i would do something to contribute even if they made millions

    Post # 10
    Member
    6892 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I voted Yes, because even if my kids are millionaires (haha, I can dream for them right?) I still would want to contribute. At the very least I’d get them a really nice gift or maybe pay for something specific – like the dress, the cake, the Rehearsal Dinner.

    IRL Example: My Mom makes a lot. My step-dad makes a lot. My Nanny is retired, but has an amazing retirement and a ridiculous amount in savings. So you could say they’re about equal right? My parents still get Christmas gifts. They still get birthday presents. I don’t see it being that much different really. Oh, and my grandparents paid for the wedding dinner at my parent’s wedding (10 years ago) and my mom and step-dad were making good money then too.

    Post # 11
    Member
    7293 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think this is a first world type of problem and that of a modern one.

    Everyone should have a wedding within there means weather you make 20 k or 120 k. If someone chooses to give specific money towards your wedding, not just as a gift, then count is as a blessing, but don’t make it an expectation.

    Post # 12
    Member
    14486 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @Cash000:  From my experience, the more money a person makes, the more they spend on mortgages, vehicles, and bills overall.

    Well, I dont think that’s a fair arguement as to why or why not parents should help out.  If they make more, and cannot afford the wedding they want without help, clearly they need to reevaluate the wedding they are having, or how they budget/spend their money.  If they make more, but it took 200k in student loans to get there and they are paying that back, that’s a different story, and would maybe make me want to help out.

    Post # 13
    Member
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I have every intention of gifting my future children with whatever I can. When it’s your kids, I don’t really think that household income should come into play. FWIW, Darling Husband and I make considerably more than both of our parents and they still helped in every way they could, including financially. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    6892 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Also, I don’t think of it so much as “affording” their wedding, but more as the view of the parents and the gift-giving norm for each family.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3148 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    I would never expect my parents to contribute to my wedding, even if I was unemployed.  Placing that as an expectation is old fashioned. It’s fine if they want to offer, but I don’t think it’s cool to expect it.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2548 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @pinkshoes:  

    I didn’t make an argument either way.

    I just think things like mortages, bills, and vehicles payments are fixed amounts, that I know add up based on what a person makes, usually they buy bigger, nicer homes, cars, and the bills for those are more etc. This is one reason why I would help out my son, even if he makes more money, not a reason why I think other people should. I answered for myself specifically.

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