(Closed) Would you help your son/daughter financially if they made more money than you?

posted 10 years ago in Money
  • poll: Would you give money to your son/daughter's wedding if they made more money than you?

    Yes

    No

    Other (explain below)

  • Post # 31
    Member
    1839 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    We have already decided that we are putting money away for our children. Each child will have the same amount already put away (so we don’t have what happened to us… the first to get married gets lots of money and by the time the other siblings get married, they don’t have as much money, and then nothing to give to the last to get married).

    So each of our kids will get the same amount (and they have the choice to use it for wedding or college) whether or not they have more money than us.

    Post # 32
    Member
    755 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011
    Post # 33
    Member
    64 posts
    Worker bee

    I put my sons through college and they graduated with upper level degrees without any debt, which was my wish.  When it comes to their weddings, I will do what I can, but couldn’t justify spending another $10,000 for one day.  I’ve put off so many of my own dreams to given them theirs and must work now to put away for retirement.  Well, I guess if my sons are making lots of money I could live with them, right? 😉

    The bottom line is that each situation is different.  Most parents want to give their children everything to make them happy.

    Post # 34
    Member
    3345 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    If I could I would… but it depends on the situation.  My parents are in a tought financial situation, and although my Fi and I aren’t swiming in money we (together) make more money than my parents do combined.  When I talked about my wedding with my mom though she said that they wanted to help out though and they agreed to pay for the venue and food.  I did not expect it and would have continued planning without their financal support.  

    I think for my children I am going to be more prepared.  It is a good idea to set some money asside for them in a CD or something when they are born and having it for them for college, wedding, ect.  I would give them a set amount that has nothing to do with our or there situation.  

    Post # 35
    Member
    51 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Where I am from (southeast), it is traditional for the bride’s parents to pay for the wedding and the groom’s parents to pay for the rehearsal dinner, etc. Bishon Frise (OP) is from North Carolina. I imagine they follow this tradition too. Regardless of my income, my parents would want to contribute to my wedding. My parents would be hurt if I told them that I would pay for it myself. 

    I would want to pay for a rehearsal dinner for my son/ wedding for my daughter. I would give each child a certain amount regardless of their salary. Even if its “chump change” to my child, I would want to support them on their special day.

    Post # 36
    Member
    2402 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    people keep talking about how parents might be living comfortably while the kids might still be paying off big loans, etc. but that’s not how I see things these days at all. I don’t think this is a good reason to expect parents to help pay for a wedding. 

    it seems like every time I turn on the radio, people are freaking out about retirement, and that many retired people are rejoining the workforce even if they don’t want to.  my parents, and my in-laws are definitely watching their pennies. they may have saved for retirement, but who knows if they will live longer than expected and/or if they’ll need money for an emergency, and/or how much inflation will impact them in the long run. 

    if i made more than my parents, I would never ask them for money for any reason. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    206 posts
    Helper bee

    I would if I could. Are they paying for the rehearsal dinner? I thought that was the usual contribution, along with a gift at the shower and the wedding. Maybe that’s just up here in new england.

    Post # 38
    Member
    3572 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I make basically twice as much money as my mom and she still gave us money to help pay for the wedding. I think I’d give what I could afford regardless of my child’s financial situation.

    Post # 39
    Member
    198 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    We are a lot better off financially than FI’s parents and they are not contributing anything to the wedding. I think if we asked them they would scrape together some money for us but Fiance is very adamant about NOT asking them. He said we would just pay for the rehearsal dinner ourselves (we have NO extra cash with only me working full-time while he’s a student) so my parents who make A LOT more money than we do have generously agreed to pay for the rehearsal dinner as well.

    Anyways, if I was in this situation I think I would try to contribute to my childs wedding even if he made more money than me. His parents are also older and likely have their mortgage more paid down/have less debt so just because he makes $15K more a year doesn’t mean he’s necessarily “better off” financially than his parents… Has he asked and they refuse to help?

    Post # 40
    Member
    4437 posts
    Honey bee

    Honestly, I don’t think any parent is obligated to help out with a wedding. You should never expect money from people. You got engaged, you wanted to get married… you shouldn’t plan a party you can’t afford.

    Now, if the parents offer. That’ awesome, but the money should never be expected or asked for.

    Post # 41
    Member
    325 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I think I’d help out just for tradition’s sake. If they were simply mismanaging their money and couldn’t afford it without our help I’d probably want to talk about it but I still think I’d help out at least a small amount.

    Post # 42
    Member
    1203 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    My folks were in this position for my brother’s second wedding. Keeping in mind that my FSIL’s folks OWNED the wedding and reception venue, including food type stuff…my folks (living mostly on public servant retirement pensions) contributed $1000 for flowers. I thought that was super generous, considering the relative wealth of everyone involved.

    (For my wedding, my folks are picking up most of it, with us handling smaller DIY things here and there, and a generous donation from my future in-laws. However, we are poor grad students, and couldn’t feel more grateful to everyone.)

     

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