(Closed) Would you hold off TTC if you were a BM in a good friend's wedding?

posted 9 years ago in TTC
Post # 17
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Personally I would never let a friend, or even a family members wedding keep my husband and I from starting a family. In fact, I can’t think of really any situations that would make us postpone TTC. I mean, while her wedding is important, it is still just one day ya know? Besides that, I see nothing wrong with rocking a cute and pregnant belly friendly bridesmaids dress 🙂

Ultimately you have to choose what you both agree is best. But if it was me, I wouldn’t let her wedding be a factor in the decision making process.

Edited to add: Sounds like a great plan with the dress idea! Can always get it altered if you wind up needing more or less space too.

Post # 18
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If it is a good friend they should understand and be excited for me and my growing family just as I am excited for them and theirs. I wouldn’t hold of my plans for my family just because I might be pregnant at their wedding. A friendship should and the joy between friends should matter more than shape of the Wedding Party members.

Post # 19
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d never let anything like a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress stop me from TTCing if I were ready.  I can’t fathom why a bride would be angry at a Bridesmaid or Best Man for being pregnant at the wedding (have you seen how absolutely cute some of the maternity Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses are???).  Then again, my SIL did tell me (in all seriousness) at my bachelorette party that I couldn’t get pregnant til after she gets married (she is NOT engaged yet) because she “already [has] too many fat bridesmaids.” SPEECHLESS. When I picked my jaw up off the floor I told her “we’re not trying, but hell if I get pregnant or decide I want to be there’s not much anyone can do about it”

Post # 20
Member
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

SIL was pregnant and I couldn’t have been happier!

Post # 21
Member
3631 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Nope. When we are ready to have a baby, we will be ready to have a baby and barring zombie apocalypse, nothing will stop us. If your friend can’t be happy if there is some off chance you are pregnant at her wedding, obviously she isn’t that great a friend. 

Post # 23
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes, I would, even though I know its a bad idea. 

Post # 24
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would only take a couple months off to not be 9 months pregnant at a very, very, very close friend or sibling’s wedding. I would be absolutely fine with being very very pregnant, but I’d be devastated to miss my sister’s wedding. 

Post # 25
Member
3954 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Wow, I wouldn’t even consider waiting to have a child because of how fat I might look in a dress! I guess if I were pregnant and very much showing at the wedding, I would tell my friend I understand if she didn’t want to have me as a bridesmaid. I would have no issue if one of my bridesmaids were pregnant in my wedding!

Post # 26
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@bearlove:  WOW.  That is way rude!  I would have been speechless too.  I can’t believe she would say that to you!

I agree with everyone else about not waiting just for this, but I also very much agree with 

View original reply
@foodnerd81:… the only way I’d alter my plans is if conceiving on a particular month would put me at the point where I could no longer fly by the time the wedding rolls around, and if missing the wedding would be a big deal to me.

Post # 27
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Having a long engagement, one of my BMs told me early on that she was thinking of starting TTC very soon and requested that we don’t order dresses too soon. I was happy for her and thought it totally appropriate for her to let me know. Although I was a little sad she may not be able to drink with me or stay until the end depending on timing. Although now, it seems like she has postponed TTCing for some time so I guess it will be a non-issue. 

In your situation, I would look at some other issues related to having a baby now or in a year. You mentioned that DH would be happy to wait so I would take that into consideration. I would also consider my age and health at present. The way I look at it is that I am only going to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man for a couple of really close friends and I want to enjoy those wedding days with them and not have to worry about either a newborn baby who needs me all day or the possibility of having health issues depending on how far along you are. I guess it is celar, I would wait. In 2-3 years, once I am 30, I know I will feel differnetly. 

Post # 28
Member
1180 posts
Bumble bee

Depends on the friend.

I have a few girls who have a lot of issues TTC themselves. so if it was one of them I’d wait. If the friend was lucky enough to have no problems TTC herself, then I’d go ahead with my plans.

Post # 29
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Does your friend know you are TTC? If not, you might want to tell her your plans before accepting to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, just in case it presents any problems, though I doubt she would mind or rescind her invitation to be in the bridal party. If she already knows, then she has probably already considered this, but the courteous thing to do would be to make sure you’re both on the same page so there are no surprises or miscommunications.

Post # 30
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@RahlyRah:  How exciting for you!!! If I were in your position I would not hold off. I am sure your friend will be nothing but thrilled for you!! A wedding is one day. You cannot be expected to put such a significant choice in your life on hold. 
Best of luck!!

 

Post # 31
Member
4053 posts
Honey bee

@RahlyRah:  I’m maid of honor in my best friend’s wedding in July 2013. She obviously doesn’t hope it take that long for us to get pregnant, but she actually wants me to be pregnant during her wedding. LOL! I was concerned too, so I opened the discussion lines =) Definitely don’t think you should wait, but talk to her about it so that she is aware it is a possibility.

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