(Closed) Would you include her as a “Mother?” (Fathers Girlfriend)

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

I wouldn’t. It doesn’t sound like they’re that committed if they have seperate lives, despite the amount of time they have been together. She’s a guest, nothing more. Treat her the same way that you would any other guest.

Post # 4
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think that the mothers in the ceremony are the ones that have had an impact in the couple’s life, not the parent’s.

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree, she’s his guest. She can sit with him if she wants at the wedding (that’s not a big deal to me) but if she didn’t have a big impact on your Fiance, that’s about it for courtesises I think. But, 13 years is a long time–ther’es obviosuly a reason they hvaen’t gotten married. Not everyone gets married ebven if they are committed. why don’t you ask FI’s dad what to do with her? He may say “oh she’ll just sit” or float the idea of him escorting her down and see if he thinks it’s too much.I’ts hard to say what’s right without understanding the dynamic completely.

Then again, DH’s uncle brought his gf of 10 years, then brought his new one to another wedding 3 months after ours….after 10 years!

Post # 8
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’d go with what your Fiance feels comfortable with.  It seems like its a relationship he’s not to interested in honoring.  I would speak to his father, see what he’d like to do.  But in the end, you kinda should go with whatever your Fiance says on this one. 

Post # 9
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Though I guess I didn’t take my own advice because I had my stepmom seated even though she and my dad weren’t married when I was little.  But it was more a symbolic thing to show her that I like her lol.

Post # 10
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Maybe just do a corsage for her?  That’s what we’re doing for FH’s dad’s gf.  They have been together years, but instead of having her sat like the other mothers, we will just be having her wear a “step-mother’s” corsage.

Post # 12
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I probably wouldn’t because it doesn’t seem that either of you are actually close with her so honoring her as “mother” would be sort of, I don’t know, undeserved? That sounds harsher than I mean it too but I can’t think of a better way to phrase it.

Post # 13
Member
2344 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am in a somewhat similar situation, although my dad is married. Still, his wife and I don’t have much of a relationship. She is much younger than him and they have only been married about 5 years, so I was almost out of the house when they got together. 

Since my dad is not walking me down the aisle, I still think he should walk in during the procession along with the other parents. He will escort his wife, but it isn’t about her, its about him. I feel the same way about your FI’s dad. I don’t think its right that he would be seated before the ceremony with no recognition while all the other parents are a part of the processional. I don’t see it as honoring her as a mother, but simply including your FI’s dad, and therefore his wife, in the processional. Does that make sense?

We are giving my dad’s wife a corsage, but the mothers will have little tussy mussy bouquets. Maybe you could do something similar? I think a wedding is about family coming together and being graceful. I don’t think its the time to make veiled statements about someone’s standing in a family. I’m not saying that is your intention or your FI’s, but it could come across that way if you slight her.

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