Post # 1
So FI’s Dad has been dating the same woman for almost 13 years now. FI’s parents were divorced when he was about 7 or so & then his dad started dating this woman. It’s always been kind of Serious yet Casual. They are obviously serious about each other because of the amount of time they’ve commited. However; they live seperatly; have seperate children; & don’t really stay together except for weekends. She’s always been very sweet; but she’s never really been a very big part in FI;s life. However she’s a huge part of Fiance dads. She comes to family gatherings with him; but other than around those holidays we don’t really see her very often (because they don’t live together); but we speak of her often.
Anyway; the conversation came up about our wedding & honoring different people. I felt like she should be honored along with the mothers. She’s been there for so long it seems rude to just treat her as another guest. I was thinking that the ceremony should start with the Mother of Bride being sat; then The Mother of the Groom sat by the Groom then; FI’s Dad escorting his Girlfriend walk in together & sit.
Fiance isn’t sure about the idea. He say’s it would be different if they were married; but they’re not.
It just seems to me that 13 years of commitment basically means marriage. I know if they were married they would then live together; but until then i’m just not sure how to honor her.
Any Advice?? Sorry for the length….
Post # 3
I wouldn’t. It doesn’t sound like they’re that committed if they have seperate lives, despite the amount of time they have been together. She’s a guest, nothing more. Treat her the same way that you would any other guest.
Post # 4
I think that the mothers in the ceremony are the ones that have had an impact in the couple’s life, not the parent’s.
Post # 5
@ MissAsB; can you explain what that means a little more? I’m sorry; I don’t understand what you mean?
EDIT: **Nevermind; I understand what you’re saying now.
Post # 6
I agree, she’s his guest. She can sit with him if she wants at the wedding (that’s not a big deal to me) but if she didn’t have a big impact on your Fiance, that’s about it for courtesises I think. But, 13 years is a long time–ther’es obviosuly a reason they hvaen’t gotten married. Not everyone gets married ebven if they are committed. why don’t you ask FI’s dad what to do with her? He may say “oh she’ll just sit” or float the idea of him escorting her down and see if he thinks it’s too much.I’ts hard to say what’s right without understanding the dynamic completely.
Then again, DH’s uncle brought his gf of 10 years, then brought his new one to another wedding 3 months after ours….after 10 years!
Post # 7
Yes; I guess actually just asking Fiance dad would probably be best. He could tell us if it’s too much to escort her or if she should just sit with him. I know Fiance wasn’t sure & I wasn’t either. I just don’t want to make anyone uncompfortable; either way.
Post # 8
I’d go with what your Fiance feels comfortable with. It seems like its a relationship he’s not to interested in honoring. I would speak to his father, see what he’d like to do. But in the end, you kinda should go with whatever your Fiance says on this one.
Post # 9
Though I guess I didn’t take my own advice because I had my stepmom seated even though she and my dad weren’t married when I was little. But it was more a symbolic thing to show her that I like her lol.
Post # 10
Maybe just do a corsage for her? That’s what we’re doing for FH’s dad’s gf. They have been together years, but instead of having her sat like the other mothers, we will just be having her wear a “step-mother’s” corsage.
Post # 11
I have seen the corsage thing done also. We are considering that too. Just seems like we should do more. I dont’ know.
Post # 12
I probably wouldn’t because it doesn’t seem that either of you are actually close with her so honoring her as “mother” would be sort of, I don’t know, undeserved? That sounds harsher than I mean it too but I can’t think of a better way to phrase it.
Post # 13
I am in a somewhat similar situation, although my dad is married. Still, his wife and I don’t have much of a relationship. She is much younger than him and they have only been married about 5 years, so I was almost out of the house when they got together.
Since my dad is not walking me down the aisle, I still think he should walk in during the procession along with the other parents. He will escort his wife, but it isn’t about her, its about him. I feel the same way about your FI’s dad. I don’t think its right that he would be seated before the ceremony with no recognition while all the other parents are a part of the processional. I don’t see it as honoring her as a mother, but simply including your FI’s dad, and therefore his wife, in the processional. Does that make sense?
We are giving my dad’s wife a corsage, but the mothers will have little tussy mussy bouquets. Maybe you could do something similar? I think a wedding is about family coming together and being graceful. I don’t think its the time to make veiled statements about someone’s standing in a family. I’m not saying that is your intention or your FI’s, but it could come across that way if you slight her.