Post # 1
A bride friend of mine was contacting everyone for their addresses to send invites. When asking one friend, who I was also planning on inviting, he said, I don’t believe in marriage, I think it’s wrong and I don’t support it. He then proceeded to say, If you really want me there, I’ll go, but it’s up to you if you really want me there. She’s very non-confrontational, so being put in this situation has made her physically sick with worry. They aren’t having a big wedding, so it isn’t like they invited everyone they know. They’ve put a lot of thought and had to cut a lot of people to keep with the intimate wedding they want. What would you do? (I put this in family because I didn’t know where else to put it. Feel free to move it accordingly.)
Post # 3
@HonoraryNerd: It’s fine to invite him. We are Christians and we are inviting non-Christians. We eat meat and are inviting vegetarians. Your guests don’t have to share in your beliefs in order to support you with their presence. He can very well not believe in marriage, but still want to be there because you mean a lot to him.
Post # 4
I would still invite him. He may not believe in marriage but at the end of the day He is a friend wanted at the wedding.
We have a friend who when invited to our sons christening, rsvp’d with “Sorry but I don’t attend christenings, weddings or any such events unless I have to” needless to say we haven’t wasted the cost of a stamp on him!
Post # 5
@HonoraryNerd: I think it’s fine to invite people that don’t support marriage.
I don’t know about inviting THAT dude though. He seems like a maybe a wild card guest.
” If you really want me there, I’ll go, but it’s up to you if you really want me there”
It sounds like he’s trying to put some sort of blame on the bride for thinking of asking him. Almost like there will be repercussions if she asks him to go. He could totally have been invited and then just decided to RSVP no. But I would be afraid he would be very vocal during the reception about his ideas on marriage. Not because of what he believes but because of his response.
I have a tendency to read wayyyy into why people say the things they do
Post # 6
I just don’t get it. Marriage isn’t something to believe in. It’s not like we’re talking about Santa or psychics. I think people who say that sound like morons. Maybe you don’t support it, but I don’t get that either.
I probably wouldn’t invite him, not because he doesn’t *believe in marriage*, but because he pretty much said not to invite him, if you read between the lines.
Post # 7
I’d probably say, “Whether you belive in the institution of marriage or not, come if you can support us as a couple. If you don’t, or if you don’t want to come, then just RSVP no.”
Or maybe I wouldn’t…that is just so far removed from my personal experience.
On the plus side, if your tight on space for the wedding, easy cut!!
Post # 8
His response is so odd I probably wouldn’t invite him. Who says something like THAT and heavily implies they shouldn’t be invited when someone’s calling around about their wedding? Whatever happened to, “We wouldn’t be able to come” and leaving it at that?
Sounds like someone who would sit and annoy the crap out of everyone around him the whole time, commenting on how long he thinks the marriage will last and so on.
Post # 9
I don’t think I would. It sounds like he doesn’t want to go!
Post # 10
@FLBlonde93: Well, he’s also said previously that he doesn’t support their marriage, our marriage, any marriage. He’s just the kind of person who requires constant validation that he’s wanted while simultaneously doing things that make people not want him around.
Post # 11
Sounds like a weird person. I think of the wedding as a party as a whole – would my various friends also get along with each other? More importantly – would my friends support my marriage – me and my husband as a couple? This person is not someone I’d invite because it doesn’t sound like they’d support your marriage.
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@HonoraryNerd: I think that was a friendly way of the friend saying they don’t want an invitation.
I agree. He pretty much said don’t send him an invitation.
Post # 13
He sounds like he doesnt want to go.
If he is invited and shows up, he’ll probably be a huge killjoy.
Post # 14
If this were a person with whom I was very close and whom I really wanted to attend my wedding, I would still invite him. Tell him that you appreciate his honesty, that you want to include him, because his friendship is very important to you, but that you will completely understand if he decides he would just rather not attend a wedding, given his views on marriage.
If, however, this were a person whom I was inviting simply because I felt compelled to include him (a boss or co-worker, for example) I probably would avail myself of the opportunity to invite someone else instead.
Post # 15
I had the same situation!
I invited the friend, but in the end, his beliefs about marriage were stronger than his support of our friendship and my decision to marry…and he did not attend the wedding. Actually, he “forgot” that he even received an invitation and that was that. It hurt me at first, but opened my eyes at the same time…
I respect people and their beliefs, but I was disappointed in the situation…it’s up to you whether or not you invite this friend. You could send him a note or give him a call and explain how you feel and gauge where he is at…?
Post # 16
I would still invite him and I would attach a note: “I don’t believe in Santa but I still like Christmas gifts. Hope to see you there :)”