(Closed) Would you invite them?? (long long, vent but I could really use some guidance)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Would you invite these people to your wedding?
    Yes : (6 votes)
    11 %
    No : (45 votes)
    79 %
    Maybe (explain) : (6 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Wow. I’d say Hell no!  You even sent them a gifts!? and they never responded, How immensly rude. Forget about them, you don’t need these people in your life. Sorry.  I am totally a you don’t invite me, I don’t invte you when i know my whole group of friends is invited.  happened to me too, am I inviting them, wouldn’t think of it at all.

    Post # 4
    Member
    606 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Aw, I’m sorry.  I wouldn’t invite them.  It’s clear that you have done everything in your power to remain a good friend and support their marriages, and they have not reciprocated. I understand relationships change and you can grow out of them, but I think it’s incredibly rude and crappy on their part to not even acknowledge your gift. I would have been just as upset.  As much it sucks, I don’t think you should invite them. I don’t think anyone would view that as petty or immature. I feel for you.  My feelings would be hurt as well.

    Post # 6
    Member
    941 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think when deciding who to invite, decide who you want to have there and your reasons for wanting them there.  

    I think as much as possible, it’ll be good to do what you can to put aside the hurt feelings (which I can only imagine is much easier said than done).  Then, decide if you want these people to be there with you, or if you’re only inviting them not to be seen as petty.

    I know when making our list, there were some people we were thinking of inviting because it felt like we “should” though ultimately we didn’t really want them there as much as it would look nice. So we didn’t.  And, I’m coming to terms with that and being okay with it.

    I think the decision will ultimately have to be up to you…though I would really consider your reasons for inviting before you make a decision either way.  

    Good luck with this.  It doesn’t sound like an easy decision to have to make.

    Post # 7
    Member
    4771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @gr8tlexi:

    I don’t think it’s petty at all.  If some of your other mutual friends ask you why you haven’t invited them you don’t have to say it is becasue they didn’t invite you but say you have lost touch with them and need to cut down on your guest list.  That is always true, I think everyone has to make cuts and you have lost touch with them, I don’t see anything petty.

    Post # 8
    Member
    3982 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    In the end it is all about who you want to be there to surround you with love. If they don’t make you feel loved and you don’t feel like they would be there to truely support you, there is no reason to invite them!

    Post # 9
    Member
    562 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Don’t invite them. They did the same to you, and were obviously very rude. If anyone asks you why you’re not inviting them, just say that you don’t feel close to them anymore.

    Post # 10
    Member
    255 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Sorry I wouldn’t invite them….I want people at my wedding who love me and are genuinely happy for me….People show you how much you mean to them, just pay attention….I know it’s sad and planning my wedding has been a bit heart wrenching at times thinking of those people who mean so much to me who I’ve come to realize the feelings aren’t mutual….You will come out of this with your true friends in hand…

    Post # 11
    Member
    7405 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Hell no. The end.

    P.S. I really hate not getting a thank you card for gift. really, hate, that!

    Post # 12
    Member
    2154 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I think you should go with your gut. If it will make you happy to see them there, invite them. If it will stress you out or hurt your pride even more, don’t. But to be honest, this all might be academic: if they didn’t invite you to their weddings or acknowledge your thoughtful gifts, I highly doubt that they’ll show up even if you do invite them. Whatever you decide, don’t stress out too much over small stuff or small people.

    Post # 13
    Member
    6892 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    No way. They are rude and childish, not you. It’s pathetic that they couldn’t even send a thank you for an undeserved gift. I’m sure it’s hard, but these people do not sound like “friends” or anyone that you’d want at your wedding. I people ask, just say what Atalanta said – you lost touch, etc.

    Post # 14
    Member
    3220 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I wouldn’t invite them.  If someone asks why you didn’t invite them, you can certainly use the “grown apart” excuse, because I wouldn’t consider them still friends if they never even thanked you for the gift or gave you a call! Even a text message or an email? How rude!

    Post # 15
    Member
    410 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I wouldn’t invite them. Your wedding is a happy, special day and you should only have people surrounding you who genuinely care and are happy for you. I am assuming that since you said you did not hear a word from either of these poeple regarding the gifts sent, that not only did you not recieve a thank you, but are not in touch with them at all besides the email chain? If this is so, and those boys did not at least call you, I would certainly not invite them. PP’s advice on how to explain their absence is good. Simply saying “We’re not in touch anymore, and our list was a little long.” is perfectly acceptable. It’s your wedding, you owe no explanation beyond that.

    Cutting my list has been hard, there are people I was once very close to- who’s weddings I did attend years ago, but now, getting married in my mid 30’s, I am not close or in touch with them anymore. So, certainly someone who has snubbed me is not going to make the cut. It sucks to realize, but sometimes relationships change and we have to accept that.

    Post # 16
    Member
    86 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I would still invite them. Maybe the wives made the guest list and didn’t leave a lot of room for extras on Greg or Steve’s side? Was your full name for sure attached to the gifts you sent? I’ve heard of companies (amazon, for example) sending packages and they wont say who its from. Have you called/emailed and talked to either Steve or Greg about the lack of invite?

    I guess really though, if you aren’t on a close enough basis to talk to them about hurt feelings, then maybe it’s ok to x them off your list? Meh, I’d still probably invite them and just expect them not to come.

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