(Closed) Would you invite them?? (long long, vent but I could really use some guidance)

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Would you invite these people to your wedding?

    Yes

    No

    Maybe (explain)

  • Post # 17
    Member
    457 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Absolutely not. Do not give them the opportunity to hurt you again. They are not worth it.

    Post # 18
    Member
    606 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I would definitely not invite them.  I dont think its petty at all since I agree with what you said about an invitation just being another opportunity to reject you.  I think you should just invite the ones in the group you are still close too.

    Post # 19
    Member
    2050 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    No, no, no absolutely no. And just for extra emphasis: no. 🙂 You were excluded, you gave gifts anyway, you weren’t thanked. Even if they couldn’t invite you, at least acknowledge your gift! Honestly, I don’t think anyone is going to blink twice at the fact that these people aren’t in attendance. Times change. People change. Friendships change and grow together or apart. This isn’t a reflection upon you – it is life. Take a deep breath. Invite who *you* want to see on that day, people who are good friends to you and deserve to be present on such an important day in your life. Those are the people and faces you want to to remember.

    Post # 20
    Member
    3635 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I would invite them. Be the bigger person, show them up. I get the feeling that it was the bride in both situations who was pushing for you to not be invited. Invite them so at least Greg and Steve are there. 

    But if you need to reduce the guest list them don’t invite them. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    149 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Your guest list should include people whom support you and your fiance and your relationship. If these people do not fall into this category then they should not be there. This has nothing to do with pettiness. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and try to reflect on the happiness you feel about joining your life with your future husband. Planning a wedding is going to be plenty stressful enough without adding this drama. Invite the people you love and love you most.

    Post # 22
    Member
    1269 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    Absolutely not.  And I wouldn’t even speak/email with them anymore.  Obviously a one sided friendship.

    Post # 23
    Member
    2260 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2020

    I think first of all I think you need to clear the air with both Steve and Greg. This loss of friendship seems to be causing you a lot of pain and hopefully it just might be a misunderstanding on their part. Or at least do some investigating within your group to see if there could be any reason for this to happen. My group of friends are exactly how yours used to be and so chances are at least someone might know why they didn’t want to invite you and your Fiance.

    I would also probably go out of my way to kill them with kindness. It seems like its been forever that you guys have actually spoken, even though you did send a gift, so maybe the relationships needs to be kick started. I think if you had made a phone call to congratulate them and to see if they recieved your gift, it would be pretty impossible for them not to give you an explaination.

    I think once you establish that, then you should decide to invite either of them or not.

    Post # 24
    Member
    3635 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    View original reply
    @Koala Bear: Agree with the phone call idea. Especially if you are just “making sure the gift arrived ok seeing as you didn’t hear anything”

    Post # 25
    Member
    2903 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @gr8tlexi:OH man oh man oh man.  My college email chain is talking about our wedding and 4 of the 15 are on the B list. Honestly, I just don’t know them that well (and they don’t know me that well, either). And I didn’t bring it up on the email chain, but someone else did TODAY. So read your post and I feel horrible and like a terrible person.

     

    I don’t know what advice to give you. But I have a scenario for– on the day of your wedding, will you wish they were there? Use that reasoning instead of regular etiquette to guide you.

    Post # 26
    Member
    409 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Invite them for the gift.  It sounds bad, but thats what we are doing for one couple on our list.  We were invited to their wedding, but it was too far away, not to mention Fiance hadn’t talked to this girl in years.  We still sent a small gift off their registry and never received a thank you card, which really makes me mad.  

    Post # 27
    Member
    274 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I wouldn’t invite anyone who is outwardly rude/ignores me to my wedding.  PERIOD. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    1086 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Nah. Not unless you can’t get married without them there. Don’t worry about hurting feelings.

    Post # 30
    Member
    575 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    View original reply
    @gr8tlexi: I was leaning towards inviting them unti I saw what Steve’s wife did to you.  Don’t invite them, she sounds toxic!!  You should definitely just invite who you want there NOW, not who you would have invited in in college!!

    Good luck!!

    Post # 31
    Member
    201 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’m with crystlrox! I was thinking that maybe you should be the bigger person and invite them, anyway, but after reading that story, I think this woman sounds like a real “witch” with a capital “B!” I’d say definitely don’t invite her or her husband, but maybe consider inviting the other couple. It sounds like the other woman was just swayed by the rude girl, and maybe she was told lies about you or something.

    It’s weird that the rude woman takes such a dislike to you specifically– I’m wondering if she’s jealous of you. Maybe she thinks you’re more attractive than she is, and she’s under the impression that your man had romantic feelings for you or something.

    In college, I took dance lessons with a guy, just as friends– it was really, really fun!!– and shortly afterwards, this guy asked me if I wanted to be more than friends. I said “No” (I actually had a crush on our dance instructor!). Fast-forward to the present, and I’ve found that his homely, ill-mannered wife (I feel comfortable insulting her on here because she has been rude as well…Wink) does not care for me. I wasn’t invited to their wedding, although I was part of their group of friends– but this guy and I had drifted apart, anyway, so I didn’t really care that much– I’ve just let us drift further apart. I’m guessing she might’ve found out about our dance lessons and maybe even about him asking me out– and she feels insecure about it. So it could be that this rude girl acts this way because you intimidate her somehow. Your guy friend may have had a crush on you without you even knowing it, or maybe she just suspects something that has no basis in reality. Anyway… I’m voting not to invite them. 

    P.S. One funny thing is that they and I (This was before I’d met my Fiance, so unfortunately I didn’t have a plus-one) attended a wedding of a mutual friend, and I noticed that they did NOT dance. I could kind of tell that the guy wanted to during some great swing songs, but apparently his wife does not know how… I, on the other hand, danced with a rather handsome stranger there and didn’t let their sour-puss faces bother me! I heard this great quote from a girl the other day: “Don’t let anyone steal your joy.” Whatever you decide, don’t let it take away from enjoying your day! 🙂

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