Post # 1
I’ve got a friend from college days who went through some very rough times (falling out with friends, moving around a lot) but I think things got a little weird when she started ranting to me about suicide and depression, though she defintitely never did anything about it. It was more just wanting someone to respond to her, so she’s send me weird messages in the middle of the night about how people would only notice her if she jumped off a building, etc.
I guess I’m the type that responds to people when they show signs of needing help (I’m told I’m an aweosme agony aunt, haha), however her methods of getting attention eventually made her the “boy who cried wolf” and I’ve gradually come to ignore them. I’ve noticed she’s never sent other mutual friends such messages, though it may be because we used to be a bit closer.
Now she’s hearing from other friends that I’m getting married, and keeps sending me messages to meet up, and how things in life are back on track. Most frequently…when is she getting an invite?
I’m a bit torn. Mostly because of her past weirdness, which has made me really uncomfortable. We’ve probably met for coffee twice in the beginning of the year but I’ve since been too busy, though she’s still sent a message or two every now and again.
To invite? Or not?
Post # 3
If you didn’t plan to invite her before she contacted you, I would not invite her. Also, if you have not seen or heard from her in about a year, and also don’t see yourself spending time with her after the wedding, then do not invite her.
The news of your engagement put you back on her radar. If she contacts you after the wedding to spend time together, why not? If she doesn’t, then she was only sniffing for an invite and probably licking her wounds.
Post # 4
@mrslittlefish: Well, over the years she’s always been the one contacting me first. However I usually let things slide during the time I got weird rants and such.
There a people that I’ll keep in touch with, even go on trips with and we’re not inviting each other to our weddings. I’m just inviting closest friends/ family. However this friend is super keen and I feel that its like cutting her off if I make no move to invite her.
Post # 5
Before she asked would you have invited her? If not, don’t feel pressured.
Post # 6
If you’ve met for coffee twice this year, to me that counts as a good enough friend to invite.
p.s. If she’s still talking weird stuff then counsel her to get help. I have heard that people who commit suicide often talk about it first, and I personally know one case where this actually happened.
Post # 7
You weren’t even considering it before (from what it sounds like) so you shouldn’t change that to appease her. She’s clearly got a lot of drama (let’s face it, people like that don’t change) and you don’t need that at your wedding, nor do you need to stress about possibly need to cut the numbers down later.
Post # 9
The fact that you are already uncomfortable with the idea of inviting her.. I would say no as well..
Post # 10
i’ve told multiple people that i’ve sent it and it got returned or i sent it they should be recieving it and then they never dooo- dumb post office.
then i hope they just ditch out anyway.
Post # 11
I voted no because you said you’re only inviting close friends…so if you didn’t even tell her you became engaged then I’d say she isn’t close enough to you now to warrant an invitation.
Post # 12
@alishaloo: why wouldn’t you just be honest and tell them they aren’t invited? It’s awkward, but it’s the right thing to do. It’s also more awkward that they asked you in the first place than for you to tell them that they aren’t invited. If you tell them that their invite is on the way, won’t they just continue to bother you about where it is? Also, that to me is basically extending them an invitation – so what happens if they don’t get the invite (because they think it got lost in the mail bceause that’s what you told them) and they just come anyways (because they think they’re invited?)
OP – just be direct with her. If you werent going to invite her before these texts, don’t invite her now. But, let her know that unfortunately space is limited and you aren’t able to invite everyone. Offer to get together (if you want) but it seems like your better off without that drama in your life. I’m sure she’s a great person but the friendship seems a bit 1-sided.
Post # 13
Do not invite her. It’s a breach of etiquette to invite yourself to someone’s wedding. You weren’t planning on inviting her before, stick to your gut. No sympathy invites!
Post # 14
Is she worth $100 or the price of your meal?
I know this is a cold way to decide, but it was an eye opener for us when we were planning our guest list and it really demonstrated who priority lay with. Close friend made the list, girl I sorta hung out with in highschool 10 years ago did not!