Post # 1
We’re just working out our guest list and planning something fairly small and affordable, and this is probably the first difficult thing we’ve run into so far. I know that etiquette dictates that, if a couple is living together, they are both invited…but here’s my conundrum.
My widowed nephew has a child that I am very close with, and a girlfriend whose last name I don’t know (with 3 children that I have not met). She doesn’t like our family because we’re “bad influences” – long story short, she started going to church and stopped doing drugs a few months ago and doesn’t consider anyone who doesn’t go to her church as someone they should be around.
Because of that, since they started dating she’s gone to great lengths to separate all of us from his daughter, and on the rare occasion that I’ve been allowed to go over to see her or take her somewhere, the woman will look straight past me and not speak. We’ve never had a confrontation or anything like that, she just won’t acknowledge when anyone from his family is in the room.
I’m really torn. Should I just not invite her or her children, knowing it probably means the little girl won’t be allowed to come? Suck it up and invite her, using 4 seats and spending money we don’t really have on someone who doesn’t like us? Feels like either way there’s going to be drama we didn’t sign up for.
What would you do?
Post # 2
Is there a reason you need to invite the three kids you haven’t met? I’d invite the girlfriend but skip her kids.
Post # 3
Good point – I think I just assumed that, if I wanted my niece there, I would have to invite the other kids too. They’re all under 10.
Post # 4
I think it’s fine to invite children who are actually your relatives while excluding other children.
Post # 5
I think she has made it incredibly clear that she doesn’t want to be a part of your life. If that’s the case, you should feel comfortable not having her there. I would actually put the name of your nephew and his daughter on the invitation.
Post # 6
Are they all living together as a family? If so I think its crappy to split up the family because you dont like her. If they arent, you should still invite HER but I dont think you have to invite her kids. If you dont invite her, your nephew and his kid might not come at all.
Post # 7
Your nephew lives with her? If he doesn’t, I wouldn’t invite her- I think you could get away with it. But..if they live together, I guess you need to invite her. Either way, I wouldn’t invite her children.
Post # 8
Kinda the risk of not inviting an adult is that their kids might not get to come. I know its not HER kid, but she is who your nephew is having act in that roll. She’s an ass, so I don’t think you should invite her or your nephew, but unfortunately that means his kid probably won’t be there. You could invite them all and she shows and decides to not bring her “step-kid.”
Post # 9
Could you talk to your nephew about it? It doesn’t really sound like she would want to come and/or bring her kids anyway, but maybe you can find out from your nephew what he would prefer. it’ll also give you a chance to tell him that it’s important to you that he and his daughter be there. Chances are that if you do include her, they’ll appreciate it and she’ll decline. If you don’t invite her and don’t talk to him about it, she may end up convincing him not to go based on it being disrespectful not inviting her.
Post # 10
Your only obligation is to yourself – it’s your day, and your choice as to whom you want to invite. Personally, I don’t have time for pettiness – but definitely speak to your nephew to ensure that if just he and his daughters’ names were on the invitation that they would attend. His girlfriend is not the girl’s mother, but if it would cause issue for him to not include her name on the invite, you can easily excuse not inviting her kids as the venue having a cap on the maximum number of guests.
Post # 11
- Wedding: December 2018 - City, State
On an unrelated (?)note, if shes so religious she wont associate with certain people, why is she ok with living with the nephew out of wedlock (ie “sin”) ?
Sorry not helping but reading that bugged me -.-
I think maybe best to discuss with you nephew ? coz its gonna get awkward for him too by the sounds of it
Post # 12
I’d be very inclined not to invite her. After all, how could someone who, in her eyes, doesn’t exist invite her to anything?
Post # 13
I think you should call your nephew and figure it out together. I mean, he can’t be oblivious to her attitude toward you, so hopefully you can come up with a plan.
Post # 14
What drama will come from inviting her? And what benefit will come from not inviting her? The way I see it, if you invite her, she probably won’t even come, but if she does, she’ll probably stick to herself and continue her pattern of quietly not causing confrontation. Plus you know that you did the right thing. If you don’t invite her, you’ve insulted not only her but your nephew as well. Now most likely none of them will come and you were the one in the wrong. When a couple live together, you invite both or neither. And if her kids live with them, that means they see themselves as a family so if you’re inviting his child, it would be pretty awful to not invite hers. There’s no law saying you have to, but there will be consequences. If you want any chance of having a relationship with your nephew or his daughter, their new family comes with the package.