(Closed) Would you judge a pregnant lady for smoking?

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
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  • Post # 32
    Member
    252 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    Smoking is filled with known carcinogens, meaning it causes cancer, your friend needs to contemplate what is more important: what is easy and what is right for her baby.

    Yes I will judge and I would also be honest, she is putting her child at risk.

    Post # 33
    Member
    815 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    It would be very hard for me not to judge someone in that situation, but it sounds like she admits she wants to stop and is struggling. It also sounds like you want to say something, even though she already knows it’s bad. So how about instead of scolding her or making her feel worse, offer to help? I mean she ultimately has to do it on her own, but sometimes hearing that your friends care and will be supportive is a lot more encouraging than hearing that your friends are judging you. Everyone needs support in different ways, so maybe at some point she’ll need a good screaming to, but why not come from a place of love & concern first? Maybe she needs some resources help her get started…

    Post # 34
    Member
    82 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: February 2020

    Yes, I would judge. The fact that she experienced a loss fairly recently yet she’s smoking would drive me to say something. If she’s your closest friend you should be able to be open about discussing the topic. 

    Post # 36
    Member
    2146 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    yes… its only a few short months of your life to help secure the best health for the rest of their lives – its downright selfish and unmotherly to put your own unhealthy want above your childs development needs

    Post # 37
    Member
    1888 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I’ve quit smoking, so I know exactly how hard it is. I would judge. I don’t know how far I would take it as far as scolding my friend about it, but “especially on the weekends” makes it sound like she has not adjusted her way of thinking yet to a mature soon-to-be-parent.

    Post # 38
    Member
    1833 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I have never smoked in all my 56 years.  I grew up in a family of smoke stacks and found it absolutely disgusting at an incredibly young age.  I have watched some of them quite and some of them try to quit.  It appears exceedingly difficult.

    If a pregnant woman was really trying to quit I would support her in any way I could rather than nag.  If a pregnant woman used the excuse “but it is so hard to quit!!!” I would have no patience for her.

    I was full term and just tipped 5 pounds.  My oldest sibling is 71 and has learning disabilities, one of my other siblings was bipolar.  yeah – I think all that huffing and puffing had something to do with all of that, but in the 40s, 50s, and 60s when my siblings and I were born no one knew the danger.

    Light up and flippantly tell me it is soooo hard to quit and I will judge you all day long.

    Post # 39
    Member
    106 posts
    Blushing bee

    My friends brother’s girlfriend smoked and drank, and recently lost the baby. Unfortunately, even while pregnant she wasn’t pleased with being pregnant and was estati  when she had the MC… 
    My friend is TTC (as are Darling Husband and I) and it’s hard to see. I have never smoked/unhealthy to a baby addictions, so I don’t know how I’d feel if I was the one being judged but… 
    My mom quit ‘cold turkey’ when she was pregnant with me. She was a crabby snot, but she did it. I’m not sure if everyone could quit the same way.

    I’d judge. Unless it was my BFF, I wouldn’t say anything though. Everyon has their vices, and like some PP have said, sometimes the withdrawls are worse than the act. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    323 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    Yes, I would judge. Putting your addictions and bad habits over the health of your child is messed up. 

    Post # 41
    Member
    891 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    Yep. Back when Darling Husband and I were TTC (we’re taking a break now), I saw a very pregnant woman in a parking lot smoking a cigarette, and I wanted to walk over and punch her in the throat.

    Post # 42
    Member
    5154 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    LaPetiote:  I would totally judge. What an idiot. I also would probably no longer be friends with someone who did that to their baby. What an asshole.

    I have a friend who’s mother smoked through all of her pregancies and the kids are REALLY messed up. They have severe mental health issues, learning disabilities, etc. It’s really sad because I wonder what my friend and her siblings would be like if that didnt happen to them. My friend found out recently and was PISSED (she was hospitalized for OCD as a kid and still suffers, has depression, aspergers and learning disabilities). 

    To be honest, I judge people who smoke and ARENT pregnant. How disgusting?  Why does anyone want to do something that causes cancer?! There are seriously ZERO benefits to smoking.

    Post # 43
    Member
    2805 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I quit cold turkey the day I found out I was pregnant with my first (he was a happy surprise). It was much easier to quit than I thought it would be… But there is a HUGE motivation in that it’s not just your own health, but that of your child.

    So would I judge someone? Yes, I would. Its not fair, but I would. I have terrible self control, so I fully believe if I can do it, then anyone can.

    Post # 44
    Member
    6863 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    The potential complications and long-lasting impact upon the unborn child are well known–yes, I would judge. I had a few peripheral friends who continued to smoke during their pregnancies. They pretty well cut off any commentary by acknowledging they knew shouldn’t be doing it. One had a perfectly healthy child, the other had two who continue to have issues. I didn’t drink, switched to decaf, no sushi, etc. and ended up on hospitalized, medicated bedrest with my middle son who has issues. I’ll always wonder if any of that played a role. Who knows? It’s all such a crap shoot in a way–even when we choose to do everything right things can go wrong–I have a difficult time understanding why would anyone choose to put the odds against them or their innocent child.

    To be honest–I also judge the parents of the toddler drinking mountain dew or the child not wearing a bicycle helmet. Parenthood is an enormous responsibility and basic health and safety…just part of that responsibility. 

    Post # 45
    Member
    10078 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    Sure would, just as much as I judge people who smoke with their kids on the car, etc.

    Idc if people want to smoke but don’t make your kids deal with it too. You want a cigarette have one when you’re out with your adult friends and the kids aren’t around. Even my Fiance who is an occasional smoker (after smoking heavily for 10 years) agrees smoking around kids who have no choice but to be around you is not cool.

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