Post # 46
weatherbug: I would never dump her as a friend, I think she needs my support as much as anything else, which is why I’m reluctant to say anything. shes currently at the stage where she lost the baby last time (just over 2 months) and I get the feeling she doesn’t see it really as a baby yet. She’s trying not to get her hopes up in case the same thing happens again. I really hope when she goes for her next scan that they will say something to her and find a way to help her.
Post # 47
LaPetiote: to be totally honest I pretty much judge anyone I see smoking. Someone being pregnant would just intensify my level of surprise, disgust, judgment regarding that person’s intelligence/education level/regard for others, and speed with which I put distance between myself and them.
Post # 48
Yep, that’s something I would definitely judge.
Post # 50
mrswhitecat: Do you judge women for getting abortions? I find that many of the women who will judge another woman for smoking during pregnancy are also the same women who are pro-choice. Not that there’s anything wrong with holding that belief but saying that “what’s so sanctimonious about judging someone for endangering the health of a baby?” is kinda one-sided when so many women believe in a woman’s “right to choose.”
Post # 51
Yup. I have and would do so again. My judgment would be: irresponsible, to say the least.
Post # 52
I would judge, in my mind and later on the way home in the car. I wouldn’t say anything to her. Let’s face it – people judge all the time. Proper judgment gets you through life. It’s only unfair judgements that are a problem.
Post # 53
Sure. But I don’t know what you think saying something will accomplish? It’s 2016. She knows the risks.
Post # 54
Well, I am just a sanctimonious bitch because I will judge you like a mfer.
Post # 55
Yes. She is endagering her babies life. I would be sending her information on this so she knows all of the exact risks she is putting on her baby.
Post # 56
I would definitely approach this friend, but I would try my hardest to sound sympathetic and helpful rather than pissed off (which I would be) and judgmental, for the simple fact that it’s more likely to get through to her. I’d also throw in a fwe facts (in case she truly is that unaware of the extent of the damage it can do). I’d start the conversation assuming (at least pretending to assume) that she’s trying her damnedest to quit….as in “I know it must be so tough for you trying to quit smoking but I’m proud of you- I just read that every cigarette you have gives your baby less oxygen, so I know how important this is” If this didn’t work, however, I’d be blunt as hell, I couldn’t watch her do that and say nothing.
Post # 57
maymrswinks: your question wasn’t directed at me, but I have an opinion on what you said, so I will respond. I am pro-choice, but yes, I would judge/disapprove of a pregnant woman smoking. I would not say anything, unless it was a dear friend or family member and in that case I would just express my support and willingness to do anything I could to help her quit- for the health of her fetus and for her own health.
There is an enormous distinction in my mind between terminating a pregnancy and smoking during pregnancy. The consensus among the medical community is that the neural structures that enable the perception of pain are not developed until around 24 weeks gestation. (This is science and medicine. Please do not come back at me and refute this with a link to some anti-abortion, pseudoscience, propaganda)
In contrast smoking during pregnancy has been linked to higher incidence of cleft lip/palate, low birth weight, premature birth (which comes with its own set of complications), and SIDS. I see a great distinction between terminating a pregnancy, and CHOOSING to continue a pregnancy, while engaging in a behavior that you know could lead to significant pain and suffering during the life of your future child.
That said, I understand smoking is an addiction and it’s not always easy to quit. I would hope a pregnant woman who was planning to carry the pregnancy to term would at least seek medical help and attempt to quit or cut back. For perspective I am also 100% against criminalizing drug use during pregnancy because it discourages women from seeking prenatal care and treatment for their addiction. So, by no means am I the pregnancy police.
My views on this are probably also colored by the fact that smoking in general is very uncommon where I live. I did smoke in my teen/college years, but was very fortunate that I never got addicted and quit easily.
Post # 58
Yes, I’d judge. I don’t think I’d say anything, but yeah.
Post # 59
- Wedding: September 2013 - Outdoor
I personally am not a smoker and can’t stand it, especially pregnant even smelling it on someone’s clothes is disgusting to me. It’s definitely bad for the baby and I think anyone trying should make their best effort to quit.
However, you don’t always know someone’s circumstances. My cousin had quit smoking while she was TTC until her mom had a health crisis and was diagnosed with cancer. She was so stressed out that she went back to smoking… and yes, there are way healthier ways to deal with stress but it was hard to blame her. She got pregnant a few months after her mom’s diagnosis, and cut way way down, but as her mom’s health got worse she picked it up again… Her mom passed away only a few weks after the baby was born. I can say that I wouldn’t have made the same choice but obviously my mom is not dying of cancer so it’s hard to say. Anyway even if your friend’s situation isn’t the same, you still never know what someone is going through with their own personal struggle.
Post # 60
LaPetiote: I’m not judging you for being concerned. I hope my post didn’t come across that way, and if it did I apologize. I was just answering your question “would you judge a woman for smoking while pregnant.” If she really is a good friend, I don’t think it would be a bad idea to express your concerns.