Post # 106
I smoke (I know I know) and I would judge… and have judged. I had a friend who was told not to quit cold turkey when she found out she was expecting (unexpectedly) at 7 weeks. By week 10 she had one cigarette a day and at 12weeks she was done. Her Dr said it was healthier than quitting cold turkey for the baby…. but I still judged
If/when Fiance decide to actively start ttc I would quit and should I find out I’m pregnant of stop immediately. I can go a day here and there without now.
Post # 107
maymrswinks: The difference is one prevents life, and the other increases a life of disease… big damn difference there.
Post # 108
I wouldn’t be looking at her like ‘good decision!’ but I wouldn’t say anything either, that’s the doctor’s job.
My mum quit as soon as she got pregnant with me, and my dad quit when I was four or five. They both said it was EXTREMELY difficult and it was not the first time they’d tried to quit but a child was the best motivation they’d had. My Fiance quit last year and it looked like an absolutely hellish process, but it can be done (admittedly sometimes after several failed attempts, which is totally normal).
Post # 109
I judge as harshly as I do for drinking while pregnant. It’s now known the it is dangerous so just don’t do it!
Post # 110
j_jaye: yes it’s always confronting to see people with drips and in gowns etc smoking in front of hospitals too. I think I judge those people less than a pregnant woman though. Life’s shit. If it gets them through, you know? My mum had a non smoking related chronic illness, and then shortened her life expectancy because she kept smoking after diagnosis. She tried to quit many times but always came back to it (in secret, I didn’t know every time she restated). In the end she couldn’t walk a block without stopping, gasping for air. I was very angry for a long time. I had real trouble, even when she was alive in the end, being truly empathetic about the conditions she had as a result of smoking, because i couldn’t cope with the fact she had caused them. But now some time has passed I have much more compassion. For many older people particularly it must be hard. Even psychologically to truly accept the shift of cultural attitude to smoking. And then I think when you’re dealing with your own mortality there’s a certain comfort in taking control and saying “fuck it” and doing what you want – even if it’s counter intuitive. Anyway, sorry for the essay, your post just resonated. You’re a fucking warrior the way you deal with your health concerns. Spending that sort of time at the hospital isn’t fun
Post # 111
I wouldnt judge her if she was doing everything in her power to quit. Addiction is real and I would not expect someone to be able to just stop (although a lot of women have done it!). Your friend’s excuse that weekends are so hard, would rub me up the wrong way because if I was a smoker and pregnant and I knew that going out would tempt me I would not go out for my whole pregnancy. I really dont think there’s any excuse for not doing everything in your power to protect your baby.
Post # 112
Yes. That’s really selfish.
Post # 113
- Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull
I would 100% judge.
My mum smoked back in the day, but stopped when she got pregnant with my sister. She never restarted, although my Dad did (she made him give up too).
My SIL is a smoker but she gave up during both of her pregnancies. She didn’t ask my brother to stop, but he did start vaping instead.
I’m quite biased though – both my Uncle and my Grandad died from smoking related Cancers, so I don’t like anybody to smoke.
I get that addiction is really hard (try getting me to give up tea, crikey, I’m a caffeine addict!) but there’s so much support you can get nowadays that I don’t really see any excuse.
Post # 114
I would judge, but I am not sure I would say anything. Frankly, if I were in her shoes and someone who is not my doctor, mom or BFF since middle school felt the need to say something like that to me, I would tell them where to stick their input. Yes it sucks, but MYOB.
Post # 115
I would judge all the live long day, though I can be a judgemental person so it isn’t too difficult for me. My grandmothers both smoked up until their 30s/50s, but they both quit while they were pregnant because they cared more for their children’s lives/health than their own selfish desires. Your friend sounds selfish, and I don’t have high hopes for her as a mother.
Post # 116
I’d like to pretend I wouldn’t judge, but, yeah, I would. I can’t stand smoking/being around peope smoking to begin with – add a pregnancy to the mix, and I would definitely judge (probably silently, though).
Post # 117
As a pregnant woman, I judge myself on days when I feel I’m not providing enough nutrition to my baby. I try to eat plenty of veggies, leafy greens, fruits, healthy fats, etc. each day. There have been many days where I just couldn’t face those foods and ate bagels, grilled cheese and pizza all day. I judged myself hard. I can’t imagine smoking while pregnant. I’m STILL beating myself up over the half bottle of champagne I drank before I found out I was pregnant.
All this being said, I watched my Darling Husband quit smoking and it was the hardest thing he’s ever done. I feel for your friend but also think that being pregnant is a huge motivation to quit because it’s no longer just about her health anymore. OP-I think you should be supportive to your friend. I know its hard to keep feelings inside but I know from experience that support is what an addict needs. It is possible her doctor told her to slowly wean herself off.
Post # 118
LaPetiote: I don’t judge anyone as a mother, EXCEPT for when I see a pregnant woman smoking or drinking – sorry but those are two things I can’t help but get angry over. And no, I wouldn’t say anything. Whats the point? They are so addicted that they can’t stop for their own baby growing in their womb, so what makes you think they are going to stop because some complete stranger is telling them they should?
I lost my father to lung cancer, and alcholism runs in my family, so this is something I feel strongly about.
Post # 119
Yes. A mother putting her unborn child at risk because she needs a nicotine fix is the ultimate selfish act.
Post # 120
Thanks for all your replies Bees. smoking is much more accepted here than in Europe or the US. In France i only knew one person who smoked, here I think Darling Husband and I are the only ones in our circle of friends who don’t smoke. Since attitudes are so different, I wonder if maybe she doesn’t realise how dangerous it is. I hope the doctor will tell her because I don’t think I can watch her do that every weekend for the next 7 months!
I have no intention of dumping her as a friend, and I’m sure that her and her Darling Husband will make great parents, apart from this smoking issue.