Post # 1
OK, maybe not a smackdown is in order…but I could use some advice.
Aside from my Maid/Matron of Honor, I have two bridesmaids. One got engaged a month after me and is getting married at the end of this year (three months after me). The other just got divorced and has jumped into the dating scene and is now dating a new guy and is all enamored with him. Swell.
Neither of them are helping my Maid/Matron of Honor (my sister) with anything. They offer to help, my sister says she gives them small things to do, and then they won’t do it. And now, they’re kind of avoiding giving my sister money for booking the venue for my bridal shower, which she has kept relatively inexpensive.
I absolutely understand both my girls have things going on in their own lives, and I don’t want to burden them, which is why I haven’t asked any of them to help with all my DIY stuff. But, should I shoot them a friendly email to ask them to please try to communicate with my sister and help out? Or should I butt out? I don’t want to start drama, but I feel awful that they’re not really there for my sister, and I kind of feel like in a way, they’re not being there for me.
What should I do??
Post # 3
Why are you renting a venue for a shower? Can’t you just have it at someone’s house? I’d be pretty upset if I were asked to rent a venue for a shower – i’ve never seen that done, and it’s not something I would have budgeted for. Them pulling away from the situation may be their passive aggressive way of sending that message.
Post # 4
They booked a room at a restaurant for a Sunday brunch. I’ve been to more bridal showers that do this rather than have it at someone’s house. But either way, I don’t care where it’s held!
They have been this way since the get-go though, before they knew what the plans would be for the bridal shower. I’ve had kind of a tough time pinning them down for minimal things, which is why I try not to bug them, but I feel like it’s not fair that they’re not even getting back to my sister about ideas, plans, etc.
Post # 5
I would stay out of it. Your BMs don’t have to help with the shower if they don’t want to or can’t. Did your sister ask if they could contribute and if so, how much? If she didn’t, then she can’t really expect them to pay.
Post # 6
I suppose if your Maid/Matron of Honor is not the type of person who can “confront” people and talk over difficult subjects with people, and you are, then yes you may have to step in and talk to your ‘maids. But ask your Maid/Matron of Honor first what she wants to do, and she wants your help.
Post # 7
I don’t think that renting out the space was such a big deal, but I’m not sure if she can expect the other girls to contribute unless they already agreed to before the place was booked. :S Is there any way your mom could help out (or even you could offer to help)?
I also wouldn’t write the email. The best thing I can think of is for your sister to write to them or talk to them herself. I know the Maid/Matron of Honor has a lot of responsibilities, but the BMs pretty much just have to show up on the big day at the right time in the right dress, IMO. It’s great when they’re helpful, but I wouldn’t expect too much.
Post # 8
Thanks bees! I think its best for me to stay out of it, because I think it’ll be taken the wrong way and drama will ensue, and that’s the last thing any of us needs.
My sister says she’s been communicating with them every week, and they seem too busy to respond. They had previously agreed to renting the room for the shower and knew the amount before they booked it, so I think they’re honestly caught up in their own stuff and might need a few reminders from my sister to chip in. My sister said she’d stay on top of them and take care of it, so I’m glad I won’t get caught in the middle!
Thanks for all the advice!
Post # 9
I think it is good you are staying out of it. One concern I have is your sister communicates with them every week? I would personally be overwhelmed by that if I was a bridesmaid.
Post # 10
@crayfish: Renting a venue for a shower is often the only option. I live in Maryland in an apartment too small to host anything, all three of my MOH/bms now live out of state. My parents live in Florida. FI’s parents are renovating their house for sale and rescinded their offer to host it, my MOH’s parents are the only ones in state and they live 1.5 hours from the guests, oh and all of my friends live in small townhouses or apartments in Baltimore with no space and no parking.
OP says the girl knew about the rental cost going in. Op, I’m glad you’re staying out if it. I also agree with pp who said once a week is too damn much to be contacting everyone. My girls and I have a private Facebook event set up for us to share little passing thoughts. That would be a better place for weekly updates. I can understand a few calls a week of the shower, but what else is there to say?