- 5 months ago
For some time now, even before getting married, my husband talked about possibly wanting to move back to the East Coast to spend time with his ageing parents (we live in California). However, as I said, it was always a possibility but never a definitive plan. So, while I always told him I’d consider it (I had always tried to see it as an adventure of sorts), his parents recently had a more “serious” conversation with him and them wanting him to move out there and, as a result, he’s now insisting we move.
My husband has lived in California for the last 17 years and I’ve always lived here, so it would be a massive change for both, but in particular, for me. I struggle with the idea of leaving my parents- who are also ageing- and friends, but I am also very concerned about how this move will impact my financials.
Even though we’re married, we’re both financially independent. His money is his and my money is mine. We both contribute to the household expenses (we rent), but other than we each take care of our own individual stuff separately (car, phone, bills, etc.). If we move out there, he’ll be able to keep his job because he can transfer. However, I’d have to quit my job and risk not being able to find one out there for God knows how long, not to mention I have no clue if I’ll even be able to find something with the same pay I have now. Therefore, I am risking being unemployed and not contributing to my savings, retirement, etc. for an undefined period of time, in addition to being in an unfamiliar place, all alone.
While I know many will say that my husband should “take care” of me until I find a job, my husband does not do well with being a provider. In other words, he’s cheap. Very. I know it’s horrible to say that about one’s husband, but it never bothered me because it never affected me since, as I said, we’re both financially independent. I know that he will have a really hard time, emotionally, having to support both of us and I know I will feel extremely pressured and anxious, which will only aggravate things further. Not to mention, I will be significantly limited financially because I know he will not spend money on anything other than essentials. I finally told him I didn’t think I’d be able to move with him, and so he’s now saying if we don’t move out there as a couple, we may not be able to stay together.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? If so, what did you do?