Post # 1
Bees, just a hypothetical. I always thought the answer for me is yes, absolutely, I’m out of there. I was talking about it with my sister a few weeks ago, and she said I might change my mind as I get older, and the answer is not so black and white. It all depends on the situation we’re in and the circumstances of the cheating. Her ex is a sex addict and paid for sex and refused to reform or go for counseling, so she did end up leaving him, even though they had a kid together. Now I have been thinking about it more, I think at this point in my life, the answer is still yes, because we don’t have a kid together, and I don’t feel like there’s a lot at stake here. However, if you throw a kid in the equation, I’m a little more hesistant, especially if it’s a one time stupid mistake. I’m thinking the answer then will be no, I won’t leave him. However, if it’s a long term affair or a problem like what my sister’s ex had, then I think the answer for me is still yes, I’m gone. Also, what constitutes as cheating? For me, it’s sex or oral sex. Kissing, I’m not too sure. What is your take on this?
Post # 2
Regardless if it’s emotional, physical, one time, or for a long time – trust is broken and I’m doneski.
Post # 3
In a freaking heartbeat. No questions asked. If you are sticking your ding a ling into someone’s hole that isn’t mine, peace out loser. I have more respect for myself then that.
Post # 4
Yes. I know myself and it’s not something I can get past, but I also don’t want to be in a relationship where I would constantly throw it in my partner’s face. Been down that road, and it sucked. No thanks.
Post # 5
I count anything more than platonic as cheating – kissing, emotional attachment, anything like that. I would hope I’d leave, honestly I’ve been questioning myself lately, reading so many sad posts about cheaters, and wondering if I really could. I’d like to think I’d leave 100% – if anything I know that I would never truly recover from it and eventually would have to leave.
Post # 6
I’d be gone without another thought. I’d never trust them again. Ever. And I’m not going to be in a relationship where I don’t trust the person I’m with. I’ll be okay on my own and I’ll find love again. It would take some time and healing, but I have no doubt that I’d be better off.
Post # 7
we have already talked about it and yes, probably. we both feel like it would be impossible to come back from. but it’s really hard to imagine what we’d really do because we’ve never been in that situation before.
Post # 8
I absolutely would leave, at this point, if he cheated.
Providing we could act civil and not be at each other’s throats, I’m not above staying in the same house for the sake of children. But all romantic love/feelings would be gone and we would no longer be intimate. At that point we’d be living together just for the kids.
Cheating is a deal breaker for me but cheating on me =/= cheating on the kids and I’ll always put them above myself. But obviously things would get hairy with dating or whatever so in general I’ll just say yeah, I’d leave.
Post # 9
Yes. My trust would be lost and even with therapy and counseling I doubt that it would ever come back fully again. I would not want to stay in a relationship where I am always wondering if something may be going on.
Post # 10
I think a person truly doesn’t know until they’ve been put in that position. I always thought I would. Then my ex husband cheated. We had 15 years invested, and I felt like I had to go to counseling (went alone and as a couple for a year and a half) and try so that I could say I did everything I could. However, I could never really recover from the betrayal and loss of trust. It turned me into a person I didn’t like being – like I felt the need to always check to make sure he was where he was, check phone bills, etc. I hated feeling like that. Plus, he still had questionable friendships. So we divorced.
Now, with my current husband, yes, I’d leave. I wouldn’t put myself through all of that again. Been there, done that.
Post # 11
I’d like to say I’d stay and try to work it out. But once my trust is broken (especially with something like cheating), the person has about a snowballs chance in hell of repairing it.
Post # 12
I think it would depend on the situation. If my SO was extremely drunk or depressed and did something I consider cheating, I may be able to forgive him with time, therapy and some expensive grovelling (I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii…jk). However, he would have to come clean about it himself, if he hid it from me and I found out some other way, there would be no chance for reconciliation. I don’t deal with liars or those who lie by omission, and I only give second chances once.
Otherwise, I probably would leave as I would have lost my trust. If we were married I would be devastated by the lack of respect he had for our vows, which I take extremely seriously. I would lose respect for myself if I stayed in that situation with an unfaithful man.
Post # 13
Yep. Doesn’t matter what type of cheating. Cheating is cheating. Trust would be broken and I’d be outta there pronto.
Post # 15
I’m going to be the unpopular opinion here and agree that I would need to know all the factors. If this was way later into my marriage and I had kids, we were still in love but had issues and he did that only once… call me old fashioned but I would try therapy, marriage counselling and speak to our pastor. I would try everything to try and save my marriage first, figure out if he did that because of anything I have been not giving him etc. If after trying to save it and it failed, I would come to terms with that. But not without trying…
Obviously if he was having an affair and this had been going on a long time behind my back, I would be less inclined to want to stay in the marriage. I would probably opt for divorce right away.
Like OP said though.. Sometimes its not so black and white.