(Closed) Would you leave your SO if he or she cheated on you?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

breatheandrelax:  unpopular opinion here. If it were more than physical (like an emotional attachment) than yes without a doubt. But physical… I’d have to really look at our relationship and figure out why he thought it was nessesary. 

Before I got married I believed in sexual freedom and having sex didn’t have to be a romantic activity. Since I’ve been married my thoughts are still the same but I’ve made a commitment and wouldn’t break it. And just because I believe that sex doesn’t have to be emotional doesn’t mean that our marriage is “open” or that we are free to have sex with other people, that’s just my belief for my former single self. 

So an example would be say we were married for however long but we have stopped having sex completely because I had become uninterested in it or flat out refused (not something I see happening but just an example) I would logically understand the need he would feel physically to have sex. But I would have to consider our situation before making a decision. 

Thats just my thoughts on it. I know it’s a really unpopular opinion. 

Post # 17
Member
5072 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

yes.  That’s why my ex-husband is my ex-husband.

Post # 18
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

My ex-colleague had sex with a prostitute on a guy’s only holiday. He has a wife and 2 year old kid. I know his wife and I found out before she did which was pretty awkward. She stayed with him and they now have another baby on the way. My Fiance would be out the door but she accepted that he was extremely drunk and it wasn’t an affair. I know I couldn’t forgive and trust Fiance again if he did that. Maybe my answer would be different after 15 years of marriage but I doubt it.

Post # 19
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

nowyouareaghost:  agreed. Imhe would have to tell me on his own for me to be able to forgive him. 

Post # 20
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Yes. No pathetic excuse accepted. Once its broken, it would never be the same. I would have to live in constant doubt and rage. No child should have seen it. So I’ll leave, kids or not.

Post # 21
Member
6751 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Yes, I’d be gone–but my SO and I are not yet married and do not have children together.

My exH emotionally cheated, had profiles on numerous dating web sites, would stay up all night chatting with other women telling me he was working. We had three children and for their sake I felt had to try to save the marriage. But I was the only one trying–he got kicked out of marriage counseling for his consistent lack of participation. And blamed me…

Post # 22
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I’ve always been of the opinion that cheating is not the cause of a problem in the marriage but a SYMPTOM of a problem. If you and your partner are both in love with each, and showing that love to each other then there should be no reason to cheat.

Post # 23
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

breatheandrelax:  

Physical cheating is kissing, intercourse and oral sex. I will not share certain parts of my body with other men and I expect my husband to keep his lips and genitals just for me as well.  I will not tolerate any physical infidelity. It makes me sick. It is very hard to forgive those who hurt me deeply when I dont deserve it. 

One of the reasons I am childfree is I have seen MANY women stay in awful relationships because they have kids. I want to continue to stay with my husband because I want to and not because I feel obligated. If our marriage becomes a nightmare, I need to feel free to walk away without the guilt of scarring my children. I realize that divorces can still happen with children involved but I don’t want to feel trapped. 

I would be more tolerant of an emotional affair but I would still be hurt. 

 

Post # 24
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

 FI and I were just talking about this yesterday. We both know that at this point if either of us cheated the relationship is over. For me though (and he sees where I’m coming from) if he cheated after we were married just one time, I would be soooooo mad and disrespected, but I would consider staying because I had already made the vow: “til death do us part” not “til cheating do we part”. I take marriage seriously and if I believe I’d take a bullet for him, I can work through my anger and forgive one mistake to make our marriage work. That’s just if its one time though –  a kiss, sex, idc but just one time. The second time (or if I found out it was an affair and had happened more than one lapse of judgement) I would be sooooo gone. I deserve better than that. 

Post # 25
Member
3224 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Yeah I’d be done. Especially if I have kids – why would I want to teach my daughter(s) that a man treating them like crap is okay? Or teach my son(s) that that is an acceptable way to treat who you’re with. Now I realize kids would hopefully not know the situation, but it’s still the principle of that. 

Plus I can hold a hell of a grudge and that’s not fair to anyone. FWIW I’m a child of a “just once” cheating divorce and I don’t resent my mom at all for ending it – good for her. And I love my step parents! 

Post # 26
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

As far as what counts as cheating, for me it’s kissing, sex, or oral sex. I could probably get past a one time offense if it was a one-time mistake and he didn’t have feelings for the person. More than once or if there were feelings involved, I would probably at least ask for a temporary separation if not a divorce. 

Post # 27
Member
461 posts
Helper bee

It would always be straight up black and white for me. I’d walk away and never look back. The trust would be gone and nothing would rebuild it.

Post # 28
Member
1060 posts
Bumble bee

My exhusband cheated on me and I took him back. But since I really did love him, and we were together for so long I tried to forgive and forget. BUT you NEVER forget. It was always in the back of my head what happened. 

Now if my Fiance cheated on me, I’d be out. I learned that lesson. 

Post # 29
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

For me it would depend entirely on how it happened. If it was a situation where alcohol or peer pressure was imvolved and my SO had a one-night stand, I’d be hurt and mad as hell but I could see myself wanting to forgive and work things out. But if it was a long-term affair, physical or otherwise, we’d be done IMMEDIATELY and I would probably never speak to them again.

Furthermore, if he personally confesses it to me, preferably as soon as possible, Id definitely consider working it out, but if I found out in some other way, completely donion rings.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  stcott.
Post # 30
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’d serve my husband with divorce papers and take him for everything he’s worth so fast he wouldn’t even know what hit him. No shame 

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