(Closed) Would you leave your SO if he or she cheated on you?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 91
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

 

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alamana:  I disagree that cheating and second  marriages prove human beings are not monogamous. I can say the same…that there are many first marriages and a lot of people dont cheat. If people were monogamous, why does JEALOUSY and possessiveness exist? So what does THAT prove? Human beings are much more complex with a range of emotions (and I happen to not think we evolved from chimpanzees but that’s another discussion). Some people cheat and some people dont. Some people cant imagine not being monogamous and for some people, it’s the other way around. You cant paint everyone with the same brush – I dont care what Mr. Author says. Personally, I have never cheated and it makes me want to throw up even thinking about it. So what does that tell you?

Post # 92
Member
2108 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

In this current stage of life, yes. We have no kids and haven’t been married long, so it would be a pretty uncomplicated process. Right now, I’d leave him for good over even a kiss. If he can’t stay faithful to me this early in our relationship when things in our lives are extremely easy and carefree for the most part (no financial stess, no kids, still in the honeymoon period of being married etc), he’s not going to stay faithful to me when shit hits the fan.

10-20 years from now? I don’t know. I honestly just can’t answer for that time in my life because I don’t know what it would be like to have kids depending on us, nor do I know what it feels like to have decades invested in a life with someone else.

Post # 93
Member
2881 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

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LittleDove:  I feel the same way.

My ex Fiance cheated on me and it was easy to leave (for me anyway) because that was supposed to me our “easy” time.  We had no financial stress, we didn’t have kids and we were newly engaged (the cheating started as an emotional affair before we got engaged).  I couldn’t give him a second chance because I know myself, and know I wouldn’t be able to trust him again.  If he could cheat when things were good, what would have happened when things got bad?

Since I don’t have a crytal ball, I don’t know how I’d feel if I had 10, 15 or 20 years invested with someone.  I think it would also depend on a one night stand vs a long term affair.  I would like to think I would also leave in that case, but I’m not sure.  Hopefully I will never find out.

Post # 94
Member
538 posts
Busy bee

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Butterfly6:  We did not evolve from chimpanzees. Modern chimpanzees and human beings have a common ape ancestor.

@alamana: I don’t disagree that human beings have non-monogamous tendencies. Certainly if we make a sweeping generalisation cross-culturally and cross-temporally, our behaviour best fits a kind of social monogamy model, which includes a level of sexual promiscuity. I just think you need to be careful in making assumptions about what is “natural” human behaviour (sexual or otherwise), or about how humans are “meant to be”, given the absolutely massive role of cultural evolution in making human groups what they are today.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by  froggles31.
  • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by  froggles31.
Post # 95
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

 

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gogglefruits:  Sorry, replace chimps with ‘ape’, which is what I actually meant.

Post # 96
Member
538 posts
Busy bee

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Butterfly6:  Got it. I’m not sure it improves your statement much, but there we are.

Post # 97
Member
1837 posts
Buzzing bee

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gogglefruits:  I’m not making any assumptions at all — human biology is what it is, as is behavior and culture. 

Post # 98
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think humans as a group are “naturally” monogamous or “naturally” non-monogamous.  Individual humans can display a variety of different behaviors.  Just like people can have different sexualities and different genders, it is becoming more and more common in the polyamory community to view non-monogamy (in its various forms) and monogamy as “relationship orientations.”

I also think that there’s a big difference between cheating (which is considered a Bad Thing in the polyamory community) and ethical non-monogamy.

Post # 99
Member
333 posts
Helper bee

For me it depends, it is not black and white. if my HUSBAND ( not my bf or fi) cheated I need to look at if it is emotional or physical. Emotional cheating I WILL NOT tolerate, because realtionship for me is build on emotional asepct. If we lose that there is nothing I can recover from. Physical cheating for me it really depends. If it was not a long term affair but a night too drunk I will forgive but with terms. It also depends on whether if I ignored my husband for a very long time. or if he had sexual needs that I need not meet ( fetish) etc. If I did met those and we don;t have child I would leave. If I have a child, I will look at what is the best for the entire family and how it blances with how I feel. Maybe i will leave or not, I won;t know till I have a child and is in that position. 

However if it is my Fiance I would leave, if it is my bf I would kick him out without even a thought. 

Post # 100
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Yes, without a second though. The trust we be completely gone for me.

Post # 101
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

100% I’d leave, it would be very hard but I would. I could never trust him again & I couldnt look at him the same, I could never move past that. I’m young but something like this I will never ever change my mind about. Obviously if he/she cheated- you werent good enough for them and you deserve better.

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