(Closed) Would you lend your wedding jewelry before you are married?

posted 5 years ago in Accessories
Post # 2
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

vortex:  I get where you mom is coming from. Since you and your other cousin will have something from your grandmother to wear, it would be nice for this cousin to have that too but her mom blew that chance. Personally, I feel like you- I wouldn’t want someone else wearing something intended for my wedding before I did. I assume your grandmother gave you mom and aunts gold as well, so if your cousin wanted to wear something from grandma, that would be the way to get it. 

Post # 3
Member
1581 posts
Bumble bee

I feel two ways.

I wouldn’t want anyone to wear my wedding jewelry before me.

However, my Mother-In-Law has let each of the daughters and DIL wear a small silver ring that was a great grandmother’s on my husband’s side.  It was very nice and made me feel included and loved.  She gave it to me right before the ceremony and took it back right after.  Now, if someone else has worn this ring and not stayed together (like my MIL) I wouldn’t worry about it at all.

Post # 4
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

It sounds like you have /had a reasonable concern. It also sounds like your mom has a kind heart. I think if I was the cousin I would feel little weird about borrowing your necklace for my wedding when my mom had to sell the one I should have worn. I think your mom’s solution of making a gift of a necklace to your cousin was the best one.

Post # 5
Member
7898 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

My mom is also Chinese, and I can totally see her doing something like that! To me, it’s fine if mom wants to lend her jewelry, but she shouldn’t force you do the same since it’s your jewelry even if she’s just trying to follow tradition. I’m glad everything worked out in the end. 

Post # 6
Member
4505 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wouldn’t care at all. I would happily lend the jewelry. It doesn’t even register as an issue for me. 

Post # 7
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: A restaurant on the beach

While I haven’t picked out all of my wedding jewelry yet I’ll probably be wearing a 7k bracelet and 2k earrings. I personally wouldn’t trust anyone to wear those pieces, especially because they are uninsured. I think you made the right decision. The necklace is obviously special and sentimental to you. You should be the first to wear it on your wedding day. 

Post # 8
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

My jewelry wasn’t expensive or particularly special, and I still wouldn’t have wanted to loan it out before even wearing it myself. I’m a “give you the shirt off my back type” in general, but I think it’s a bit strange to loan anything you yourself havent yet worn, and especially something so sentimental.

Post # 9
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

vortex:  Short answer, I wouldn’t lend it before wearing it myself. Not a chance in hell actually, but my family is not strict about these things. I wouldn’t get flack for refusing. 

I purchased wedding jewellery for myself and wouldn’t want to share it. Maybe that’s selfish, but I want to have “earrings from my wedding” etc. Whether the cousins marriage lasted or not wouldn’t matter to me, I just want to have my own things that day.

It was really nice of your mom to lend hers though. I think if I had been married already, I would lend jewellery to my niece too. It seems like a different situation to me. Even nicer is the gift of a necklace. That’s really sweet. Good thing it’s no longer an issue. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

The women in my family have a tradition of wearing the same sapphire and diamond bracelet. We really love that in all our pictures, no matter the bride there is this continuity 🙂

Post # 13
Member
1451 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t feel comfortable letting my cousin borrow my wedding necklace, but she can use my mom’s anytime.  You’re not being selfish or a terrible person.  What if something happened to the necklace during her wedding? (you have no idea how many things get damaged and lost in all the chaotic commotion)  It’s not like she could have replaced it for you if she lost/damaged it.  Even having that convo with her would have been very uncomfortable if she wasn’t the responsible type.  To me the risks aren’t worth it and the potential for serious resentment if she was irresponsible with it is too great.

Post # 14
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Loft in the city

It’s unfortunate that your aunt sold something that didn’t belong to her 😕 BUT if it was sentiment that was important to your cousin then using your mothers pieces from your grandmother would’ve been appreciated And she would have used them. Don’t feel guilty about how you feel. Your grandma set this aside for you for a specific day. It’s special to you and I get it. Don’t beat yourself up about it. 

 

Post # 15
Member
20 posts
Newbee

Hi!

 

Short answer: never!

=)

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