Post # 1
Last year my younger cousin got married before me. We are Chinese so the bride is supposed to have gold jewelry. Our grandmother gave us gold jewelry many years ago because my grandmother believes that all her granddaughters should not be married without a single gold on her. It is not confirmed if my grandmother gave one to my cousin but since me and this other cousin both got it 20+ years ago we assume probably my cousin’s mom sold my cousin’s gold necklace to pay off debt (for sure my aunt has sold all of her wedding jewelry).
My mom was worried that my cousin didn’t have a single gold on her, so my mom went to the bank and took out her gold jewelry to lend it to my cousin. My mom wanted me to lend the necklace given from my grandma for my future wedding to my cousin as well. I protest about it since I wasn’t comfortable someone wearing my wedding present before me. I guess also if let’s say my cousin’s marriage didn’t work out, when my time comes I wouldn’t know if I should wear it or not.
In the end my cousin didn’t want to borrow my mom’s jewelry and she only wore the one my mom purchased for her.
I was just wondering what other people would have done in my sitution. From my mom’s angle, since the necklace my grandma gave to my cousin is gone and so she feels my grandma would want her granddaughters to wear her gift on their wedding. My mom thinks we should share that blessing I guess.
Post # 2
vortex: I get where you mom is coming from. Since you and your other cousin will have something from your grandmother to wear, it would be nice for this cousin to have that too but her mom blew that chance. Personally, I feel like you- I wouldn’t want someone else wearing something intended for my wedding before I did. I assume your grandmother gave you mom and aunts gold as well, so if your cousin wanted to wear something from grandma, that would be the way to get it.
Post # 3
I feel two ways.
I wouldn’t want anyone to wear my wedding jewelry before me.
However, my Mother-In-Law has let each of the daughters and DIL wear a small silver ring that was a great grandmother’s on my husband’s side. It was very nice and made me feel included and loved. She gave it to me right before the ceremony and took it back right after. Now, if someone else has worn this ring and not stayed together (like my MIL) I wouldn’t worry about it at all.
Post # 4
It sounds like you have /had a reasonable concern. It also sounds like your mom has a kind heart. I think if I was the cousin I would feel little weird about borrowing your necklace for my wedding when my mom had to sell the one I should have worn. I think your mom’s solution of making a gift of a necklace to your cousin was the best one.
Post # 5
My mom is also Chinese, and I can totally see her doing something like that! To me, it’s fine if mom wants to lend her jewelry, but she shouldn’t force you do the same since it’s your jewelry even if she’s just trying to follow tradition. I’m glad everything worked out in the end.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t care at all. I would happily lend the jewelry. It doesn’t even register as an issue for me.
Post # 7
- Wedding: A restaurant on the beach
While I haven’t picked out all of my wedding jewelry yet I’ll probably be wearing a 7k bracelet and 2k earrings. I personally wouldn’t trust anyone to wear those pieces, especially because they are uninsured. I think you made the right decision. The necklace is obviously special and sentimental to you. You should be the first to wear it on your wedding day.
Post # 8
My jewelry wasn’t expensive or particularly special, and I still wouldn’t have wanted to loan it out before even wearing it myself. I’m a “give you the shirt off my back type” in general, but I think it’s a bit strange to loan anything you yourself havent yet worn, and especially something so sentimental.
Post # 9
vortex: Short answer, I wouldn’t lend it before wearing it myself. Not a chance in hell actually, but my family is not strict about these things. I wouldn’t get flack for refusing.
I purchased wedding jewellery for myself and wouldn’t want to share it. Maybe that’s selfish, but I want to have “earrings from my wedding” etc. Whether the cousins marriage lasted or not wouldn’t matter to me, I just want to have my own things that day.
It was really nice of your mom to lend hers though. I think if I had been married already, I would lend jewellery to my niece too. It seems like a different situation to me. Even nicer is the gift of a necklace. That’s really sweet. Good thing it’s no longer an issue. 🙂
Post # 10
handa: My cousin doesn’t know about the part her mom selling her wedding jewelry. Basically doesn’t know about the necklace’s existance. Even my aunt denied ever receiving it. I got it when I was 5 years old and I am now 30 years old. That time it was because my parents were immigrating to Canada that’s why my grandma had to give it to my mom for safe keeping at such as young age. We assume my aunt when she came to canada one year before us, she must have received it around that time. My aunt was always in debt so she must have sold everything along with my cousin’s necklace 25+ years ago so my aunt probably forgot about this.
Post # 11
Yeah thank you everyone. That’s been on my mind for a while if what I have done was selfish. I don’t mind my cousin wearing my mom’s jewelry and I wear them after her. That necklace is like a christmas gift. You have to wait till boxing day to use it except this boxing day is a very long wait.
Post # 12
The women in my family have a tradition of wearing the same sapphire and diamond bracelet. We really love that in all our pictures, no matter the bride there is this continuity 🙂
Post # 13
I wouldn’t feel comfortable letting my cousin borrow my wedding necklace, but she can use my mom’s anytime. You’re not being selfish or a terrible person. What if something happened to the necklace during her wedding? (you have no idea how many things get damaged and lost in all the chaotic commotion) It’s not like she could have replaced it for you if she lost/damaged it. Even having that convo with her would have been very uncomfortable if she wasn’t the responsible type. To me the risks aren’t worth it and the potential for serious resentment if she was irresponsible with it is too great.
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2015 - Loft in the city
It’s unfortunate that your aunt sold something that didn’t belong to her 😕 BUT if it was sentiment that was important to your cousin then using your mothers pieces from your grandmother would’ve been appreciated And she would have used them. Don’t feel guilty about how you feel. Your grandma set this aside for you for a specific day. It’s special to you and I get it. Don’t beat yourself up about it.