(Closed) Would you let a friend move in with you and your DH?

posted 4 years ago in Home
  • poll: Would you let your friend move in with you and your DH?
    Yes : (24 votes)
    18 %
    No : (86 votes)
    65 %
    Maybe (explain below) : (23 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    2003 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    My SO and I are letting a friend live with us for a few months. He moved to our state for a job. So while he finishes up paying rent on his other place, we are letting him stay with us. 

    We made sure there was a for sure move out time. I placed rules on what I want for the house to stay clean. Just make sure you have these kind of things in place and it could work out. 

    Post # 47
    Member
    265 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    My FI’s friend currently does live with us. My Fiance bought a three bedroom house about almost two years ago. A few months after he bought the house (and a few months after we started dating), his friend moved in with us (as I was living there too by that time, although unofficially since I had my own place). His friend was in a bad situation with his roommate (his roommate was stealing from him), and so my Fiance offered to let him live with him.

    So what my Fiance did was draw up a lease. He put everything in there to protect himself, even though he did trust his friend. So his friend pays a fair rent, and also chips in for utilities. My Fiance is all about saving money, so it was worth it to him to have his friend move in. Plus my Fiance wanted to get into real estate so was saving up to buy another house. I was more unsure about it, because I didn’t want to give up privacy with the new guy I was dating, but I didn’t want to start anything so I said I was fine with it.

    Anyway, luckily is has turned out perfectly fine. His friend is usually gone during the week for his job, and when he is home he generally just holes himself in his room playing video games. He will occasionally join us for dinner or go out with us and other friends, but he’s a good guy and we both get along with him well so it’s totally fine.

    Now, when my Fiance and I got engaged last October, this friend realized that he would have to move out soon. Nobody wants to start their married life with a roommate. However, my FI’s friend has been wanting to buy his own house for a while and has the money, so our engagement just got him more motivated and he should be closing on his new house soon.

    So, in my case it all worked out really well. We’ve never had a problem with our roommate. My Fiance knew him beforehand so knew we would get on well together. He’s also a pretty private person at home so didn’t bug us. I did have to give up some privacy, like I can’t walk around naked haha, but that’s not a big deal knowing it’s temporary. And my Fiance was able to save money so that we can buy another house this summer (and still have enough money for our wedding in June 2017, too).

    Now, if we had been married when he wanted to move in… Well, I probably would have been more hesitant. But I probably would have still allowed it, as long as there’s a timeline of when he will move it. Sometimes giving up a bit of privacy is worth saving money, as long as it’s just a BIT of privacy and it’s not someone who is going to be in all of your business (AKA parents).

    Post # 48
    Member
    3870 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    MrsBellValley:  Short term–maybe. Darling Husband and I allowed his sister to live with us for a year while she got back on her feet and it’s been a miserable fucking experience. I am counting down the days until our lease is up and wea re out of there.

    Post # 49
    Member
    9820 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    We let my Brother-In-Law move in with us (he is 24 and we are about 32 for reference).  We did it because my husband owns his own business and his brother is able to work for him for pretty little pay (we do provide the free housing, bills, and cheap food) and he has helped my husband grow his business.  So it’s a trade off.  I don’t think I would do it with a friend, but it’s easier with a sibling I think (bickering with a sibling doesn’t end your relationship lol).  He has lived with us about a year but he might have to move out by October since I need his room for our new baby.  Unless he wants to live in oiur basement (a possiblity).  Ideally we would like to build a new house next year or the year after and have his brother rent our house along with 2 friends.

    Post # 50
    Member
    152 posts
    Blushing bee

    Fiance and I had his friend stay with us for almost 3 months and I can honestly say it put a terrible strain on our relationship.  He was not living up to his obligation to pay us and he also was very disrespectful; I understand this is probably not the case with your friends, however, a house guest can put a strain on a serious relationship, I believe it is very important to have your privacy and alone time.  Unless you are in dire need of financial assistance, I would not do it.

    Post # 51
    Member
    1011 posts
    Bumble bee

    I think this is one of those things that is situation by situtaion based. For example, right now Fiance and I don’t live together. He works in another state, generally for 28 days and then is off for either 7 or 14 days, and then goes back 28 days. Meanwhile, I have a friend who is getting a divorce and getting absolutely nothing out of her divorce (not even one of their cars… her ex is a complete jackass… and while she could *try* to get more, it would just prolong what she wants to get out of as fast as possible. So in that case, if Fiance and I were already married, and she needed a place to move (she’s moving back with her parents until she can get on her feet) I’d be all for it, because a)it would keep me company instead of being completely alone for a month (if not more) at a time, as well as helping her. Not to mention, we’ve talked about after we’re married moving to a different state (where we have no relatives) and I just think what would happen if he was off at work and I needed someone, especially when it came time to having kids. Would I really want to spend almost an entire pregnancy in a state away from everyone I knew and seeing him for *possibly* nine weeks of it? With the job he has, there’s not even a guarantee he’d be able to get off for the birth, and if I had somebody with me, especially in that situation, I would feel so much better (especially if it were a stressful pregnancy or complications after the birth and I wouldn’t be able to do it alone). 

    It’s just hard to say one way or the other, because like I said everything is different, and I have been in binds before and never asked for help, and so stressed because I couldn’t ask to where I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep and once even lost a ton of weight within a month because I wasn’t eating because food made me nauseous. I had headaches all the time, was dizzy, etc because I couldn’t eat, and it was affecting everything. 

    I guess I just always try to put myself on the other side of the situation and think about what if it were me who needed a place (especially since my parents have been gracious enough to help me out in said binds and allow me to live with them… 

    But again, bottom line is, it depends on the sitatuion and depends on the friend. 

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