(Closed) Would you “let” DH do this??? (LONG)

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 77
281 posts
Helper bee

Not if he felt up a prostitute! Ridiculous. He would be on a leash. And yes I should clarify, my man can do whatever he wants.. doesn’t mean he wont hear from me if its something I find inappropriate or disrespectful.

I would be so incredibly upset if mine went, but I’m not sure if there’s much you can do about it really. You cant tie him down and you cant threaten him to not go.. he just has to understand why it’s inappropriate for a married man who felt up a prostitute to go traipsing around the same place with his single friends again….

Post # 78
1392 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

No, he wouldn’t even ask about something like that.  It would go against what we believe in as a family and when we travel or spend family money, we do it as a joint decision.

Post # 79
2536 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My Fiance wouldn’t ask to do something like this, but if he did I would be pissed..  While you can’t keep him from going, you can definitely let him know you don’t like it. 

Post # 81
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

One of the best trips I’ve taken with my Fiance was in Amsterdam, even though for the longest time I had this idea it was the Vegas of Europe. It’s a beautiful city, although I enjoyed moreso the things to do during the day than the night. The red light district is pretty easy to avoid if you go over one or two streets, so we walked through it once – and then got a map so that aspect of the city didn’t really affect us. 

I guess my problem would be that I didn’t trust my Fiance (he has way more class than that), but the other guys – if they are in Amsterdam looking for that type of “entertainment,” what is your Fiance going to do? Even if you trust him and know nothing will happen, it would still be awkward if he was just hanging out in the corner somewhere doing nothing – so you might as well be the scape goat for his friends, because otherwise he’ll just have to impose the awkwardness on himself, so what is the point really…. 

Our preference is to take trips together, but I’m ok for separate trips if there is a good reason. Fiance has gone skiing for a week without me, but it was with his sister and I couldn’t get the time off of work. One of these days I would really like to go to a buddhist monastery for a week, or take French classes somewhere away from my Fiance who always speaks English to me – and as long as I come back he is cool with it. 🙂

On another note, you should totally come to Paris. April and May are the perfect months to be here IMO.

Post # 82
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I havent read all the replies so sorry if i have repeated something, My fiance and I went to Amsterdam last year and yeah, theres plenty of strippers and sex shows and prostitutes in windows. Its all part of the atmosphere isn’t it?

I think a guy (even a married guy) can have a good time in Amsterdam with he boys without doing anything dodgy but it just depends on what you think is dodgy. If you consider watching a sex show or a stripper prance about on a stage unacceptable then you yeah, you have grounds to not “let” him go because that stuff WILL happen. Its Amsterdam after all! But perhaps you could let him know what your anxious about. I guess sometimes guys get so defensive about something when they dont truly understand what your objecting to?

And omg I know what you’re going through with the whole not talking to each other thing. You’re angry with him for not respecting your wishes and vice versa. Theres no middle ground because either way someones gonna be pissed off. I feel your pain. Anyway, if it makes you feel any better, my FH went walking around Amsterdam with some mates for several hours and saw some strippers and stuff and I had no reason to feel uneasy?

Post # 84
36 posts
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldn’t mind if my OH went on a  trip like that but I also know he’d have no problems with me and my girlfriends going on a beach holiday together. Having said that, I’d be bummed about not being able to tag along and see a couple of shows myself 😉

Seriously, if it makes you uncomfortable I think it would be the respectful thing to consider your wishes and concerns, especially considering you are in a situation where you have to rely on him so much and are clearly feeling rather isolated and without support.

Post # 85
1467 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

OP- I have to say I’m with you. While ‘allowing him’ may be an unfortunate word choice… I think anyone who gets on you for using that phrase is kind of missing the point. 

 Yes, you both are adults and you and your husband should have free will and trust from the other to do what is right in your relationship. BUT- the fact he has not taken your feelings about the trip seriously is a huge red flag in my mind. I certainly wouldn’t want my husband tripping to another country with friends who were previously found to be unreliable. DH had friends like the ones you described before we got married. His brother also fits into this category. He had one crazy night out of state with them and I was livid at what happened. He was very sorry for it the next day but I can tell you that it put a strain on our relationship in a way he would never have done on his own. (he was partly responsible, but these guys were bad news)

 After the incident DH saw how uncomfortable I was with these old friends and made a promise to me never to hang out with them again. Social events, etc, yes…. but hanging out as a group or ‘just the guys’ no. While he may not have agreed with me, he saw it was hurting me and decided it wasn’t worth it. I hope your man sees the pain this puts on you and opens his mind to the idea it might not be worth it and he can have ‘guy time’ without making you feel uncomfortable. 

Post # 86
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

No. Agree with previous poster, they’re known for prostitutes. That other “cool” woman is foolish. My best friend “lets”/doesn’t care about DH going to strip clubs, man trips, etc annnd he cheated at the strip club. Not saying all guys do that, but yeah. If you’re not comfortable with something it should be end of discussion, and the same for him.

Post # 87
45 posts

OP – I totally understand the feeling alone thing. I moved across the country for my husband’s job after less than 6 months of being married… and I’m still searching for a job. I don’t know anyone and I’m by myself at home all the time. If my DH came home and said all that to me I’d probably flip.

I think the whole thing where prostitutes were emphasized from the beginning makes me nervous. And really, if I were about to go into labor and my husband wanted to take a trip there… we wouldn’t be on speaking terms. I know other posters are saying its okay because you should trust your husband… but isn’t there a fine line at some point?  In a perfect world we’d have no jealousy and let our husbands do whatever, but I’m sorry I don’t think it’s acceptable and would not want my DH to go on a trip like that.

I just personally think it’s a weird guys trip, for a married man.

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