(Closed) Would you let your baby call MIL mama?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 76
Member
5863 posts
Bee Keeper

I wouldn’t even be okay with her suggesting it, it’s weird and inappropriate for her to even ask. I’d be worrying about her over-stepping her bounds in other ways too, you and your Darling Husband should be firm and united on this from the start. 

Post # 77
Member
1179 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I totally feel like I’m going to face this with my Mother-In-Law… and it’s going to be an immediate and definite NO. And Darling Husband already knows that’s something I’m not willing to compromise on. Talk to him first, make sure you have his support 100% and make sure hes there for the conversation

 

Post # 78
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee

Hell no! What’s so different between mama and Nana? Have baby call her Nana an appropriate name for her. What was her reason for wanting to be called Mama?

Post # 79
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I grew up calling on of my grandfather’s papa, but mama for a grandmother? Hell no.

Post # 80
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

 NEVER!!!

Post # 81
Member
5035 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I know a little girl who calls her mother “mama” and grandmother “ma”.  The adults admit that its confusing.

Post # 82
Member
10028 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Ultimately, the kid will call her whatever it chooses.

I had a Grandma, a Nanny and a Great B growing up. Just the names I picked as a child, no one ever told me to call them this or that or that certain names were off limits. I also had a Ma-Ma and Pa-Pa (pronounced Mawmaw/Pawpaw) who were great grand parents. 

Post # 83
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

Ewwwww, hell no! Mama actually means mom/mommy in my native language (German) so especially hell no! 

Post # 84
Member
214 posts
Helper bee

Honestly, some of you ladies sound aggressively unhinged. Let’s all try to remember that your mother in law will love your baby every day of the rest of her life.  That your mother in law sees the perfection of her own baby in her grandchild.  

I really think it’s so sad that so many women take such a hard stance with something as trivial as a nickname.  OP, just talk to your mother in law. There are hundreds of ways you can tell her gently that you aren’t comfortable with that, but are open to other affectionate nicknames that may be more to her liking than Grandma. 

Post # 85
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2017

rcanlyn :  let’s also remember that Mother-In-Law has already had her time of being Mama and that it is now OP’s turn. Just because Mother-In-Law will love the baby doesn’t mean that what the baby calls her is trivial. Mama or Grandma are not just silly nicknames, they are titles that denote a familial relation and it is inappropriate for a grandmother to try to claim a title that denotes to most of the world that she is the mother of OP’s child, however innocent her intentions may be. 

Post # 86
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

rcanlyn :  though my choice of words would be different, my sentiments exactly. I’m wondering would it be different if it was her mum suggesting this and not her Mother-In-Law. Judging from some responses here I don’t think it makes any difference. I do find it a bit odd that the Grandma brought it up, from my experience, the babies don’t even need any nudging to call Granma or Mama or Nana. Relax women, no one is going to confuse your Mother-In-Law for your baby’s mother except there is something you’re not telling us. It’s your Mother-In-Law not a stranger…….except she is.

Post # 87
Member
942 posts
Busy bee

While I don’t think it would confuse the baby “when he or she does start talking and tries to distinguish you and MIL”, because psycholinguistically it doesn’t really work that way, I do think that having the baby call the grandma “mama” is weird.

Usually babies start saying “mama” as their first word to their mom because the mom is the carer. Babies might end up saying “mama” to a grandmother if she is the one taking care of the baby most of the time, because they do not relate the sound “mama” to the meaning of “biological mother”, but to “make the child call a specific person other than the own mother” “mama” is just weird and unnecessary, unless your Mother-In-Law is trying to say she’s adopting the child as her own lol.

Post # 88
Member
214 posts
Helper bee

happilyeverwarren2017 :  families have all kinds of “title traditions” for different relations within their structure. Momma/Mama/Mima/Mimi are all fairly common names for a grandmother. I have heard all of them with regards to grandmothers here in Western NY.  I don’t think the OP’s post was brash or aggressive at all- just some of the profanity laced reactions are a bit much. I think that Future Mother-In-Law is more than likely being a bit vain (much like my Mother was in wanting to avoid being called Grandma). Someday they will probably laugh at the conversation, much like my mom and I do now. 

OP-the bottom line is that it doesn’t matter what the lod ends up calling her-she will know that it’s Grandma. No one will take your place. If you and your Future Mother-In-Law get along, I am sure you can come up with something. 🤗

Post # 89
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2018

Nope.

Post # 90
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I think I’d just say, “I was wondering what husband called your Mother-In-Law while growing up? Maybe the baby could call you the same?”. I’m guessing it was not mama! Then, I’d probably, because she is going to be in your life for a long time!, just say “husband and I decided we would like _____, _____, or ____. Which do you prefer?”.  If she balks, I’d kick it back to him to handle as she is his mother, with the explicit understanding that it won’t be mama.

I do understand, however, that people should not have to be called soemthing they detest. When I had my child (a zillion years ago!), I was trying to find a way for my child to refer to my grandparents, as they were now going to be great-grandparents. My grandmother was apalled and rejected everything other than “grammy”, which is what I had always called her. And, it was fine. She really, REALLY hated anything else that was suggested. What she would not have asked  for, however, is mama. She had boundaries!

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