- 5 years ago
Regular bee going anon. This isn’t a pressing issue in my life, but it has been brought up a couple of times and I wonder if people would feel the same way that I do.
My husband’s best friend is a lesbian. She just got married this past weekend and the four of us are all really, really close. I love these women dearly and would do anything for them.
Except let them use my husband’s sperm to conceive. To be fair, I don’t know that they have asked this of him. My husband is the one who brought it up, and when he did it was in that half-joke kind of way you do when you’re testing a subject. He had been talking to him mom on the phone, and she had, without provocation, told him to never, ever give his sperm to his friend. When he told me this story, I reacted emotionally, and not as if it were a joke.
We had a difficult conversation, and I don’t think he understands where I’m coming from.
I had cancer when I was a kid, and it’s never been a guarantee that I could conceive. I haven’t had many tests done, because I’m on birth control just in case. I still just… don’t know.
I tried to explain that, while I love his best friend and her wife, it would be devastating to me if they would have his biological child and I would not. How we’re all a big part of each other’s lives, and although we would all know that he wasn’t really a parent, we couldn’t not have an emotional attachment, and how I don’t know if he could really separate himself from feeling like the father.
He’s basically told me he would never do anything that I’m that uncomfortable with, but he has brought the conversation up again, and there was never a confirmation from him that he understood my point of view. Part of me thinks that the two of them were single for so long, that maybe they had had an idea of having a child together if they reached a certain age, and it’s difficult for my husband to let go of this idea.
I love my husband very, very much. But he can be difficult to talk to. If he feels like the conversation isn’t going… I don’t know, effectually, he just kind of ends it.
I just wonderful how you would feel in my situation. Thanks.