(Closed) Would you let your husband donate sperm to someone you know?

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 16
Member
8517 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’m pretty hippie dippie, but this is a hard no… even for me.

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Cote1590 :  Lol!

Post # 17
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

Absolutely, 100% no. I’m in a similar position to you (unsure if I will be able to conceive due to illness) and even if I weren’t, I’d never be OK with that. Strangely, Fiance is also best friends with a lesbian couple and I love them to death, and have wondered in the past if they’d ask him to do that. I sincerely hope they do not so we don’t have to have this discussion, though I think Fiance would totally understand that I wouldn’t be OK with it. 

I’m sorry your H doesn’t seem to understand that. I think that it’s totally reasonable to be uncomfortable with that, regardless of if you can conceive a child with him yourself. Maybe you can send him to this thread to see responses?

Post # 19
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

We struggled with infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss, we know I was the problem (bad eggs).

If friends asked DH to donate his sperm I would be OK with it since I would want to help them achieve their dream of having a family. I would not want DH to be part of the kid’s life though, I would see it as what it is a donation.

Post # 20
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

This can create a lot of avoidable awkwardness.  So my answer is NO.

Post # 21
Member
309 posts
Helper bee

Allow my husband to father a child with someone else? NOPE. I wouldn’t care if they were lesbians, wouldn’t care if they were good friends, just……NO. My husband’s sperm isn’t the only sperm on the planet – they could find some elsewhere.

Post # 22
Member
4322 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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Turtle83 :  I’m with you. 

That being said, I would also donate my eggs to a friend. So, maybe I’m biased.

Post # 23
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

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saratiara2 :  I would donate my eggs to a friend, but since my eggs are not the best I doubt anyone would want them lol

Post # 24
Member
1898 posts
Buzzing bee

Nope. They could use an anonymous sperm bank for this. 100% no. not even a little bit, not even something I’d ponder, not even something I’d waste 1 second thinking about. 

Post # 25
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee

I let my Fiance do hella stuff that most people would not be okay with (we have an open relationship) but this would not be okay with me. I see exactly where you are coming from. 

Post # 26
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

no… as an infertile couple we have talked about many options and sperm/egg donations (both giving and recieving) are a no as its not fair to each other or our child that we have

there are many IVF schemes here that give you a 50% or more discount if you donate half your eggs to another lady and lots of women jump at the chance to reduce the fincial strain and the nobility of helping out someone in the same situation HOWEVER I have heard many, many heartbreaking stories of this backfiring and the donor either fails to concieve or loses her baby and never concieves (again) then has to live for ever knowing her one biological child is now with someone else… I couldnt live with that, I couldnt spend the rest of my life analysing the features of everyone old enough to be that child and wondering if the look like me or my son and I couldnt explain that to my son who desperatly wants a sibling

it also can have rough conciquence on children, I had a friend who didnt know she had older brothers who had been adopted until she was an adult… she suffered serious crippling fear that she would accidently fall for he brother to the point it ruined her love life completely because all she could think with each guy is ‘this COULD be my brother’

however if I didnt have or want to have my own children I would of donated because they would be sitting there unused and could help someone else (I use to want to freeze egs so if I died young without children they could be donated, I was a little dumb though and didnt realise frozen eggs had a low survival rate and probably wouldnt of worked anyway frown)

we also wouldnt recieve a donation as I think looking at ‘your’ child (not a step child or adopted child but one concieved in your realationship and raised under th guise of your own) and seeing your partner and someone else mixed would harbor resentment

we if the worst came to the worst may consider recieving embryo adoption (basically an adoption of a non bio child from conception) because then neither of our DNA is ‘favored’ for the child

Post # 27
Member
1616 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Not a chance. I agree that I would worry he wouldn’t be able to disassociate from the father figure feelings. I just couldn’t do it.

Post # 28
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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heyanonynony :  Hard pass.

Aside from the jealousy/insecurities that would arise from possibly never being able to have children of my own with him, I think it would be hard to actually let the friends raise the child without feeling like my husband should have a say. I would really struggle between wanting to help give the child anything it wants, while also not wanting to impede on their family since I’d actually be the one left out of the process.

The good thing is that your husband doesn’t have to see exactly where you’re coming from, and he’s agreeing that he won’t do anything that would make you uncomfortable.

Just a bit of caution: I wouldn’t try to push it too hard in case it is something the friends have seriously brought up with him. The bigger you try to make the issue to “get him to understand” might get back to the friends and cause unneccessary drama. No reason to think it would go that far, but also something to be mindful of.

Post # 29
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2016

No way in hell.  This couple should not have asked him without you present, or discussing it with you first. That’s disrespectful.

Post # 30
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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heyanonynony :  I think the only way I could do it is if I didn’t want to have or raise children myself but he did in some way want to be a father. OR if I did want kids and couldn’t have tehm. At least this way I could have some kind of close relationship as sort of an aunt with my spouses bio kids. 

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